Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 14

Thread: Struggling

  1. #1
    Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2019
    Posts
    21

    Struggling

    So almost 6 months ago my spouse left because she was unhappy. She had a EA prior to leaving ended up with said man. So Iíve went LC for the past few months no more begging, pleading, slip ups. We have 2 children I now have my son she keeps our daughter. She owes me money. Almost 2k. I still let her use my car for the sake of the kids without it she would be screwed. I told her next year around tax time Iím going to claim both children as she has not been working and I need to put a dent in my car payment before I take it back. I found out she was going on vacation for her bday because she told me. So I asked her when can she start paying me back, she then goes on a tangent telling me how much of a pos I am, how I make her life hell, how I show her how much of a ty person someone can be, she shouldíve chose a better father of her children, how Iím so petty, how sheís chained to me and I control her life but I donít do anything to control her life or stop her from doing anything. She thinks everything I do is to be petty including taking the car back. But itís like how long do you expect to keep it?

    Iím so lost because I help her so much. Not a lot of men would give her their car. It wasnít my intention to be petty. The only aspect I refuse to help her at is a place to stay thatís too much. I donít care about her relationship anymore Iíve been healing and growing as an individual got a second job taking care of mines. Talking to women. I know longer have hopes of recon. If it happens it happens. I donít bother her at all I donít ask about her relationship. But I would like the debt to be repaid.

    I do however ask my son how sheís doing from time to time. I used to do it often but less and less I think it was part of the healing is this wrong? She says Iím manipulating him and ruining his mental. I donít put things in his head or bad ideas about his mother

    Why is she still so angry and resentful to me?

    Other then this interaction we have had great interactions sheís been flirty. Texting me a lot I donít usually entertain because I know itís breadcrumbs when we exchange kids we joke and laugh. But then she says ďwhy canít we just get alongĒ sheís all over the place. Is this normal? Whatís going on?

    Also sheís been stalking the women I talk to adding them on social media and such which also makes no sense to me help me out here?

  2. #2

    Join Date
    Apr 2019
    Location
    NY
    Age
    59
    Posts
    436
    Gender
    Male
    First of all - When spouses leave marriages because they are "unhappy" it usually has nothing to do with the marriage. I suspect your ex was unhappy because she wanted to have an affair, something fun and new, and you were in the way.

    Secondly - don't fall for the "she needs my help" BS! She kicked you to the curb and now needs your help ($, car)... Too bad so sad for her. She's on her own by here OWN choice, don't let her use you. As for the kids? If she can't manage to figure out a way to support herself, then you should get them both until she can act like a responsible adult. DO NOT fall into the guilt trap of "I'm doing it for the kids" crap!

    Thirdly - She is all over the place because she is co-dependent, and insecure. She's either tired of the new flame already (trust me, she will continue to hop from flame to flame, getting bored very quickly) or he's tired of her, and she is stringing you along when she feels scared about being alone.

    Been there. Done that. Don't make the same mistakes I did!

  3. #3
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2014
    Posts
    10,610
    Gender
    Female
    This is perfect reason why should either hire an attorney or go to mediation.

    As you can see the two of you are too emotionally charged to make fair financial decisions and decisions that are in the best interest of the children.

    The two of you combined are making things messy when they needent be.

    Look at it this way. . If the two you saw eye to eye on things you'd likely still be together, right?

    Hire a third party to mediate or expect more of the same and worse.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Clio's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Posts
    2,596
    Gender
    Female
    It sounds like she is still unhappy with her life and is blaming you/ using you as a scapegoat. You need to stop trying to analyse her mood swings. It's her ego talking and her denial to accept responsibility for how she got where she is. Not your circus, not your monkeys.

  5.  

  6. #5
    Super Moderator HeartGoesOn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Location
    Massachusetts
    Posts
    16,866
    Gender
    Female
    Unless I'm missing something, with her being your spouse, the car belongs to both of you. Have either of you filed for divorce? If you haven't obtained any legal advice, that should be your first priority, (imo).

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Location
    British Columbia, Canada
    Posts
    3,033
    Gender
    Female
    Residual items from the marriage need to be dealt with. Speak to a lawyer about your car and any payments. If you're unsure about it at least go for a consultation and see where you stand without making any moves. I can appreciate that you're both really trying to get along for the sake of your kids.

    For your own individual mental health, I wouldn't hold on to the idea of reconciliation even in the future. That's your slighted ego talking. Let things go and put it to rest. Maybe speaking to third parties for legal help or counselling (for yourself) might help you in that direction. She left you for someone else and is capable of having an emotional affair. What else do you think she's capable of?

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    36,658
    Gender
    Male
    Sorry to hear this. Are you legally divorced? Let the lawyers sort out finances, debts etc. You weren't dating so it not about my money my car etc. Get a lawyer.

    Yes, stop asking your kids about her. It's unfair to put them in the middle of this contentious battle ground.
    Originally Posted by Empof401
    So almost 6 months ago my spouse left because she was unhappy. We have 2 children I now have my son she keeps our daughter. She owes me money.

    I do however ask my son how sheís doing from time to time. I used to do it often but less and less I think it was part of the healing is this wrong? She says Iím manipulating him and ruining his mental. I donít put things in his head or bad ideas about his mother.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Location
    Surrey BC, Canada
    Posts
    1,475
    Gender
    Female
    lawyer up buddy. But before you do, document everything, what the kids tell you, record your phone conversations, keep all text messages, etc. Keep track of how often she uses the car and when, how much you pay for gas, insurance, car payment and any other expenses. Build your case.
    As for the vacation, her BF must be paying for.

    Tip: do not notify her or anyone that you are seeking legal counsel. Let her find out when she gets served.

  10. #9
    Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2019
    Posts
    21
    Poor choice of words we were engaged we are not married. So it is MY CAR

  11. #10
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2014
    Posts
    10,610
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by Empof401
    Poor choice of words we were engaged we are not married. So it is MY CAR
    almost 6 months ago my spouse left because she was unhappy.
    Kind of a snarky response from someone who refers to her as his spouse, don'tyahthink?

    So long story short we broke up after 10 years.
    And many states consider 10 years a common law (marriage)

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •