Breaking NC Advice

Yesterday I crumbled and broke No Contact. Ex is in another relationship 6 weeks after we broke up.

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2 years ago we broke up and she got someone else then too after 2 weeks though it never seemed very serious.. However we kept in contact, did a bit of Low contact and eventually we were on the phone every night for long convos and eventually we reconciled and was together 18 months until one silly argument.

This new relationship feels a whole lot more serious than the last one (which she described as a silly fling which she regretted) as theyve known each other for a few years already from work . They've been on holiday already and posted pics up together on FB which she never did last time.

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I've been really struggling and just crumbled yesterday. I broke down was shaking. I just had to speak to her. Started off with texts me needing to speak on phone and then we did. 40 minutes of me pouring my heart out, how much i love her, do anything for her, miss her, cant face life without her and all the rest. I cried on the phone over the loss of our relationship (11 years altogether)

Absolutely nothing back at all. Phrases such as "Just get on with your life, this is for the best. Go and meet someone else. etc"

I know what the advice is about NC. But i also know that not following it to the letter worked before. The kinda girl who thinks he's not even bothered to text so must be ok. felt i had to tell her how i feel but she's too wrapped up in her new relationship to consider us again.

Im just finding it so hard cos i still consider her my best mate. im absolutely destraught and have been for weeks, cant think of anything else.

Begging & Pleading is such needy unattractive behaviour. I knew it was a mistake. All i can do is sit back and hope for the best isnt it? In my heart i know its over this time. help.

I feel for you. My past relationship was a disaster in the waiting and we attempted to be friends. Unfortunately that crumbled in time as well. I never tried to beg, but I did my best at logical "negotiations" which have resulted in aplogies for all the hurt and how she wants me to meet someone so I can move on. Sounds kind but is a signiture to how we wil "never ever ever get bavk together", to quote Taylor Swift. It's painful that I let that memory out there to be remembered. Wished I had simply walked away and never looked back.

But...we can now. And much like the way she made you forget all the pain of the past when you met her, so will the next one. We just have to accept an end to what once was. And think back to past friends you haven't seen since. There are some you would have hung out with forever if you could have; but you still found happiness without them. And, if nothing else, go write a private listing of everything you didn't like about her so your mind starts to process why this really is a good thing for you.

Good luck...

What you do now is work on acceptance.

Accept that your ex was checked out of the relationship long before you broke up.

Accept that your relationship didn't end over one silly fight, but rather years of incompatibilities and issues.

Accept that she means to move on and did so.

Accept that you need to move on as well. Feel the pain, but start to let it go as well.

Accept that this woman is not your one, which means your one is still out there somewhere - a new beginning, an adventure.

Accept that life changes and it's actually a good thing even when it hurts in the moment.

Accept that bad feelings pass if you let them.

Accept that the sun will rise tomorrow and you'll start to feel a little better every single day.

Most of all, accept that it's really over and there is a new life ahead for you, a happier one with a person who wants to be with you, because chasing after one who doesn't sucks.

Re-read what DancingFool had to say.

Absolutely nothing back at all. Phrases such as "Just get on with your life, this is for the best. Go and meet someone else. etc"

Wow! That's pretty cold....and feels like a steel knife through the chest. I know*

But sadly, that's pretty much how it goes....

As for you, you are grieving but also now facing the task of weaning off something that is akin to an addiction....and in a lot of ways, worse....

It's hard man, and extremely painful and draining so you're going to have to take good care of yourself including being patient with yourself....

Yes everyone spouts 'Just go NC'...easier said than done unless you're an emotionless robot....and trying to just cut it off so suddenly like that can actually be quite traumatising to the brain....

So don't worry. You did what you had to do and you will break NC...until you don't. Everytime you do it will help you to move towards not wanting to do it!

You're not the first person to break NC and you won't be the last....

Sleep and eat the best you can.

Go for walks. Cry when you need to.

Eat healthy and drink lots of water.

Stay off the alcohol.

Watch this video...>>

Sending You Strength

Carus*

Don't beat yourself up buddy , most of us have been there . The break up that brought me here all those years ago was the hardest struggle I have ever had ....usually I just jump on another horse and get on with it ..but not that time .

You will heal

You will get over it

Life will bring you happiness again

One day at a time

But don't compare this to the last time you broke up ..

Wow! That's pretty cold....and feels like a steel knife through the chest. I know*

 

But sadly, that's pretty much how it goes....

 

As for you, you are grieving but also now facing the task of weaning off something that is akin to an addiction....and in a lot of ways, worse....

 

It's hard man, and extremely painful and draining so you're going to have to take good care of yourself including being patient with yourself....

 

Yes everyone spouts 'Just go NC'...easier said than done unless you're an emotionless robot....and trying to just cut it off so suddenly like that can actually be quite traumatising to the brain....

 

So don't worry. You did what you had to do and you will break NC...until you don't. Everytime you do it will help you to move towards not wanting to do it!

 

You're not the first person to break NC and you won't be the last....

 

Sleep and eat the best you can.

Go for walks. Cry when you need to.

Eat healthy and drink lots of water.

Stay off the alcohol.

Watch this video...>>

 

Sending You Strength

 

Carus*

I’m printing this out for myself. ^^^

To the OP I’m in the thick of it too, man...something that has helped me is to stay on the forum and try my best to be helpful to fellow love sick peeps by sharing my experience and posting what I hope is non-judgmental, uplifting support.

Sorry friend, and I hope that you heal quickly and stronger than before!

I’m printing this out for myself. ^^^

Heh. Thanks Skeptic. Glad I can help....And don't worry, my thread is buried in the dusty annuls of this forum now but I really went to the depths of Tarturus so I know how bad it can get....and how with time and the right actions, you can recover*

...something that has helped me is to stay on the forum and try my best to be helpful to fellow love sick peeps by sharing my experience and posting what I hope is non-judgmental, uplifting support.

Exactly....and thankyou*

Carus*

Please reread your post the next time you're tempted to contact her to beg. Also, read my signature lines...words of wisdom I picked up.elsewhere.

When you can let go of your past you can start enjoying your present and plan for your future.