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Thread: Hurt by Hawaii trip plans with her girlfriend.

  1. #1
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    Hurt by Hawaii trip plans with her girlfriend.

    I can't help but to be hurt after my girlfriend told me she was going to plan a trip to Hawaii with her girlfriend along with other trips (Australia, New Zealand). This is after I had suggested that there were some cheap flights to Hawaii some months back and maybe that was a trip we could consider. She said that she wasn't interested in Hawaii. When I brought that up a few days ago when she told me about about her trip plan to Hawaii with her friend, she said "well, I guess I am". Meaning, I guess I am interested in a Hawaii trip. But she still insists that Hawaii is really not something she was ever interested in.

    To be fair, she has traveled with her friends for years. She just recently came back from a cruise (not with me). Went to Cancun earlier this year (not with me). We went to Europe earlier this year by the way. She is going to Cancun again in February (Not with me but with a different friend. Not the Hawaii friend). But I still can't help but feel that she would rather travel with her friends. She goes on these, what I would consider should be romantic trips but just not with me. I really don't feel that she is going on romantic trips with her girlfriend but they would be if the trips were us together.

    I can't help but to feel hurt and I told her so. She said that "does she want me to just stop traveling with her friends?" No, but the whole Hawaii thing has me stressed. It's been a few days now and I can't seem to get over it. We had another conversation about it and I told her I was still upset. She said she didn't know what to do. She didn't want to disappoint her friend. (I guess it was better to disappoint me). I relented and basically said she should go with her friend. We have been seeing each other for 3 years. We don't live together but love our time together.

    Can anyone help me make sense of this? I just don't know what to feel about this.

  2. #2
    Gold Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
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    Why don't you plan some trips with her?

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    We are, but I'm still bugged by this Hawaii thing. I will never get a chance to go to Hawaii now unless it is with someone else. But now she says she does want to go. (Not with me.)

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    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    Doesn't that tell you something??? You are just someone she dates and by no means a real part of your life.

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Is there a discrepancy in your socioeconomic status or vacation time? Did you actually make plans with her or only maybe and suggest cheap flights? 3 years is a very long time to do nothing but suggest cheap flights and pout that she takes action without you

    You can't tell her what to do and pouting is manipulative. You seem incompatible in many ways. It may be best to start to observe this.
    Originally Posted by Salvatore
    I can't help but to be hurt after my girlfriend told me she was going to plan a trip to Hawaii with her girlfriend
    This is after I had suggested that there were some cheap flights to Hawaii some months back and maybe that was a trip we could consider.
    I still can't help but feel that she would rather travel with her friends.
    She said that "does she want me to just stop traveling with her friends?"
    We have been seeing each other for 3 years.

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    Yes. I guess it does tell me something. It's just hard for me to accept. The other night I told her I was going to step back from this whole vacation thing. She got really upset.

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    There are some things in your reply to my post that don't really jive with my original post. No discrepancy in socioeconomic status. We have vacationed together but when she's traveling 6 times a year with friends, that doesn't leave a whole lot of room for me. I'm anxious to see if others agree with you. Do you think she would rather vacation with her friends? Thanks

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Why the manipulation? You're sore she's living her life having fun because you don't plan anything or take the initiative. If anything you should both reflect on the viability of this relationship. It may have reached it's expiration point. Are you on a very tight budget or have very little vacation time? Or is it that you're jealous or just don't like travelling as much?
    Originally Posted by Salvatore
    Yes. I guess it does tell me something. It's just hard for me to accept. The other night I told her I was going to step back from this whole vacation thing. She got really upset.

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    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    Well, yes, it's reasonable to be upset that you suggested Hawaii, she said she wasn't interested, and then decided to go with someone else. How old are you two? Why does she have so much money to be able to travel on such expensive trips so often? Besides this issue, what's the rest of your relationship like? Does she take care of you when you're sick? Does she make you feel like a priority? Does she make you feel special with compliments, and/or being a cheerleader in your life--congratulating you on achievements, and supporting you when you need it? Do you feel like she divides her time fairly between you, her family and friends, hobbies/interests, a career?

    What are your plans as a couple to progress to the next level in your relationship?

    Getting some insight into other aspects of your union would be helpful for us to give advice.

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    Bronze Member Skeptic76's Avatar
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    I disagree with @wiseman on this one. You said youíve been to Europe together in your post so you know how to plan a trip together. I think suggesting you look at flights (be they cheap or first class) is a perfectly good way of getting the ball rolling on planning a trip. I donít think youíre just living in your head and then pouting if it doesnít go the way you imagined.

    To be sure, Iím biased....this was one of the reasons I left an otherwise really good relationship recently: she wouldnít travel with me. We also lived apart and in 4.5 years she refused to take a single vacation with me. Itís really frustrating, I get it! However my ex wasnít traveling at ALL...I can imagine your situation is compounded by the fact that she will go with her friends but less inclined to go with you.

    If you want to stay together my suggestion would be to totally drop it now that youíve spoken your mind. If you start trying to get her to feel bad about her choices, or to think differently then she does then that is manipulative and you will only come off as either controlling or needy, depending on your style and relationship dynamic. That isnít healthy...

    Go to Hawaii alone or with a friend, plan a different trip with her (from a place of ďI LOVE my time with youĒ like how you ended your first post!) But donít be a ďweenieĒ about your hurt feelings. Remember, Iím not talking smack because the same thing also hurt my feelings...Iím just saying women donít like weenies so find another way to deal with your emotions around this topic if that makes sense?

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