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Help!! Need Advice!! Please no judgements!!


misshoneybee

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Hi. My boyfriend and I currently have a long distance relationship for the past 9 months. He lives with his cousin who constantly has women over at his place every night of the week. I had a lot of trust that my boyfriend wouldn't cheat on me, but then you get that feeling in the pit of your stomach and have that feeling something isn't right.

 

I had talked with him about my suspicions and of course he went to great lengths to reassure me that he was being faithful. So a few nights ago, I was spending time with my gal pals drinking some wine and one of we decide to text him and basically play a joke to see what he would do or say.

 

My friend is texting him just normal stuff but then it started getting very suggestive in the matter of sex so I told my friend to ask him if he would be down to have sex with her that she would go to his house. He was all over it like nothing giving the address and everything. At one point when she was texting him, I sent a text just letting him know I was good and loved him. Of course I never got a response back from him at all.

 

I know it seems like I trapped him, but it was a joke we pulled on him that turned out to be something I wasn't expecting. How do I handle this? Where should I go from this point knowing that he had intention to sleep with someone else?

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My strong sense is he knew you were behind this and he was calling you on your bluff. Your story makes little sense because if this is true it means he accepted a text from a strange number but he probably recognized the area code as having something to do with you - and I think the joke is on you.

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Sounds like he saw through this childish game and played along to turn the tables. Do you think he doesn't know you by now well enough to know you were playing games or testing him?

My friend is texting him just normal stuff but then it started getting very suggestive in the matter of sex so I told my friend to ask him if he would be down to have sex with her that she would go to his house. He was all over it like nothing giving the address and everything.

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Hi. My boyfriend and I currently have a long distance relationship for the past 9 months. He lives with his cousin who constantly has women over at his place every night of the week. I had a lot of trust that my boyfriend wouldn't cheat on me, but then you get that feeling in the pit of your stomach and have that feeling something isn't right.

 

I had talked with him about my suspicions and of course he went to great lengths to reassure me that he was being faithful. So a few nights ago, I was spending time with my gal pals drinking some wine and one of we decide to text him and basically play a joke to see what he would do or say.

 

My friend is texting him just normal stuff but then it started getting very suggestive in the matter of sex so I told my friend to ask him if he would be down to have sex with her that she would go to his house. He was all over it like nothing giving the address and everything. At one point when she was texting him, I sent a text just letting him know I was good and loved him. Of course I never got a response back from him at all.

 

I know it seems like I trapped him, but it was a joke we pulled on him that turned out to be something I wasn't expecting. How do I handle this? Where should I go from this point knowing that he had intention to sleep with someone else?

 

You know him best. If you really believe he was serious in his responses, you should break up with him. I don't see any other alternative.

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That wasn't very nice playing a joke on him like that. It's not nice of him to play along with it either. This doesn't seem like a nice relationship at all. Why go through all this trouble for someone you don't trust?

 

You can handle this by stopping yourself from any big decisions in the next day or two and thinking hard about whether this person is right for you. What I used to do was also think about how the relationship affected me over time (for previous relationships where things started to go sideways or didn't work out). If I felt like I wasn't recognizing myself or not feeling like myself or doing things I wouldn't normally do or out of character, this was a good sign that I was not heading down the right path. Be more in tune with yourself and aware of how the people around you affect you.

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It will always be difficult to know if he knew it was you or not.

 

I honestly feel bad for you, OP. You are in a really tough spot now as to knowing which one. I hope you make the right decision, however, being as your relationship has now transitioned to games like these, maybe it is time to call it a day either way.

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I can't say I agree on him knowing it was you.

 

If he thought it was, I would think he would have said so and called you on it, not happily went along with it.

 

You've got no choice here but to end it.

 

^This. Don't really see where posters are jumping to the conclusion that he knew. If he did, he might have played along a bit to teach OP a lesson, but then he would have called them out on their "joke" and that would be that.

 

OP, you know him and only you know what triggered your gut to suspect he is being dishonest with you. You tested that out and got your answer, albeit one you didn't want to get. Still....it is what it is. I don't think there is any turning back here. If you stay with him, you'll lose even more sleep. Dump him and move on.

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There was a tin-hat party. 🧙 However given her chronic distrust and testing he may have drawn that conclusion . Either way, they are causing each other too much angst. 😬

Don't really see where posters are jumping to the conclusion that he knew. If he did, he might have played along a bit to teach OP a lesson, but then he would have called them out on their "joke" and that would be that.
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What made me come to my conclusion is this..you'd think he would have been snarky and called them out to put them in their place. I mean, why not? He would have had the upper hand and made it known at some point that his gf was in the wrong.

 

Instead, he's cringing. Kind of obvious that dude was into it.

 

I'm in the tin hat party too. It's a good party. :)

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Unfortunately, your **** test was far from a brand new idea. Not saying boys / men don't do it or that their insecurities don't proportionately come out in different ways, but if you're a guy and you've had even a moderately diversified dating career, chances are you've been hit with with the ol' girlfriend's friend or fake account shakeout. It's "cute" when you're in high school. Not so much when we're talking grown women.

 

But in neither case is it not cringe-level transparent. I know it's fun to frame a narrative around the idea dudes think with their penis, and hey, to some extent we do, but so long as we're breathing, we've got enough brain function to recognize a rolling mountain of bullsh*ttery when we see one. No one's checking their condom drawer to verify inventory because some lady text him out of nowhere with something particularly *saucy.* About the only way he was legit in his response is if you and your friend actually do have something going on. In which case, you've got a lot more on your plate than just this ordeal.

 

And I'll confirm that as someone who's well past the point of wasting energy being upset from juvenile antics, I'd likewise strictly look out for my own amusement and call the bluff. That's all the call-out you'd merit. Especially if there was already a history of being accused.

 

But hey, maybe he does have as many IQ points as I do toes and really was going to go for it. Whether that's the case or you're too insecure for a relationship or these dynamics within one, it's kinda good riddance.

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