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Thread: Can I forgive him

  1. #1

    Can I forgive him

    i I have been with my bf nearly two years. We are 60 miles apart so can be difficult seeing each other but we manage it once to twice per week most of the time. We both have one child each.
    He has never liked me going out he accuses me of cheating every time I go out but always says itís because he wants me to spend time with him. About a month ago I went away with family for two days. But it was the same time as his childís birthday party which I Apologised about many times. We didnít speak for a couple of days after he said heís not letting me hurt his daughter the way I hurt him. Anyway we didnít speak for two days and he messaged me saying he had bad news. Turned out he had been to doctors who said he could have cancer. I tried to support him he pushed me away and wouldnít let me come to appointments. He said if itís bad news with the blood tests he wonít want me to go out Saturday coming. Anyway I went out and he was accusing me of cheating agains and my friend heard and said something to him. He the. Told me I need to choose between him and my fried . I refused to choose. Also told me he was sick blood and was going to a and e and refused to let me come. As time went on I decided I would surprise him and just turn up to doctors to support him but I called doctors and he didnít have an appointment. I started to question all this. Eventually I asked about it and said I need proof to believe him. He got me a print off from doctors. I straight away noticed things like typing errors and that dates wrong ext. he kept making me feel so bad saying Iím not there for him heís proved it and he canít forgive me for not believing him. After hard work and looking into he has admitted heís lied about it all. He is saying he loves me so much and he needs me I donít know what to do I love him so much but also all the lies I just donít know what to do I need help? Thanks

  2. #2
    Platinum Member
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    This man is manipulative!
    He made up potential cancer diagnosis to manipulate you.
    And he is turning it around on you = making it YOUR fault.

    Please google "wheel of abuse".
    And please leave this man.
    you are worth more than this

    btw, the doctor's office should NOT tell you if he has an appointment due to HIPPAA laws, but that's another story

  3. #3
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    You can forgive him - but that doesn't mean you should stay with him

  4. #4
    Silver Member MirrorKnight's Avatar
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    The guy is a complete basket case. Dump and move on. What are you even hesitating about?

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  6. #5
    Bronze Member LootieTootie's Avatar
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    So you are wondering if you can forgive him even though it's crystal clear this guy is a nut.

    Something tells me forgiving is not the hard part here.

  7. #6
    Bronze Member Skeptic76's Avatar
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    For once I agree with the immediate cries to leave post haste....

    And @abitbroken is correct that forgiving behavior is not the same as continued acceptance of said behavior. Heís human and heís struggling with intense feelings of jealousy, I think weíve all either lied or considered lying at least once when we were under duress. But telling a massive cancer lie is only adding to his resume of unhealthy behavior, not helping to heal it. I canít even imagine how it made YOU feel? Understanding and forgiving the behavior doesnít reverse the way it irrevocably muddied the relationship waters.

    If you truly love this guy, in the sense of wanting what is best for him and his kids, in my opinion you need to cut him loose and not enable such dysfunctional behavior.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    He's a liar. You need to dump him. He can never be trusted.

    Yes, you can forgive. Forgive doesn't mean condone nor forget. Forgive means to not hold grudges nor ill will and move on with your life.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Wait... so if he never made an appt and he didnít want you going how did you find out which fake Dr. to call? I mean itís not like he had an appointment card....

    Whatever...either way doesnít seem either one of you care about the other...

    Just being honest, yeah heís being manipulative, but... itís not really working anyway, I mean...you still go out, you even went out when you believed he had cancer, so his manipulation didnít work anyway...right? .and why would he say you arenít going to hurt my daughter like you hurt me... did you have plans? Iím not getting the context of him blurting something like that out, I mean unless plans with your family was spur of the moment super last minute did he not know you werenít going to be there?

    I hope you come back to elaborate cause Iím kinda seeing toxicity on both sides as things stand...

  10. #9
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    Wow you need to dump this guy, he's a massive liar and his control freak tendencies regarding you going out with friends is over the top. To lie about having cancer is not forgivable. I figured right away as I read your post that he was lying about the cancer.

    Dump him, block and delete, and move on. You can do better.

  11. #10
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    He needs a psychiatrist, not a girlfriend.

    And I would recommend you ponder why a man who lies about having cancer to manipulate you inspires "love" feelings in you.

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