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Thread: Can I forgive him

  1. #11
    Thankyiu everybody for all your advice itís much appropriated. For the one who said I donít care anyway, Iím the one that travels 60 miles every Tuesday to get up at 5 in the morning to travel 60 miles to go back home to work and spend one weekend out of two Friday to Sunday at his. I knew because he mensioned the doctors name so I searched his doctor and called. I only go out once in a blue moon and this was for a friends 30th birthday. I was with him Friday u TIL Saturday afternoon and was going to travel the 60 miles again Sunday to see him again. He told me to choose between him and this friend. I love the bones of him thatís why this lie hurt me so much. His daughters birthday he has never told me the date of the party and my parents booked the holiday for early Xmas present for me and my child . Nothing I could do about it.
    X

  2. #12
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Immediately end things and block and delete him and all his people from your life and all your messaging apps and social media. He sounds like a complete weirdo, pathological liar not to mention controlling. It sounds more as though he is the one cheating and gaslighting you to that end.

    Either way, he is being horrible to you so that you end things. Get out now. His doctor's appts are none of your business anyway. Focus on your local life, your child, your friends, family, work and interests and completely remove this guy from your child's life. You should not let questionable men like this into your life, home or around your child.
    Originally Posted by Kimberly8619
    We both have one child each.
    He has never liked me going out he accuses me of cheating
    He said if itís bad news with the blood tests he wonít want me to go out Saturday coming.
    After hard work and looking into he has admitted heís lied about it all.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Kimberly8619
    Thankyiu everybody for all your advice itís much appropriated. For the one who said I donít care anyway, Iím the one that travels 60 miles every Tuesday to get up at 5 in the morning to travel 60 miles to go back home to work and spend one weekend out of two Friday to Sunday at his. I knew because he mensioned the doctors name so I searched his doctor and called. I only go out once in a blue moon and this was for a friends 30th birthday. I was with him Friday u TIL Saturday afternoon and was going to travel the 60 miles again Sunday to see him again. He told me to choose between him and this friend. I love the bones of him thatís why this lie hurt me so much. His daughters birthday he has never told me the date of the party and my parents booked the holiday for early Xmas present for me and my child . Nothing I could do about it.
    X
    Still makes little to no sense. Iím sorry it just doesnít, you live 60 away from each other he constantly wants to be with you and for you to not go out, yet you do all the traveling? How would he even know when youíre out? And again, what would possess him to give you the name of a Dr. it was unnecessary, so either heís like scary dumb, this whole lying about cancer thing is sadly common with manipulative people, but who bothers to give a Dr. name?!?! Like how would that convo have even gone?

    ďI donít want you to come, you donít care anyway... itís Dr. Greene btw, my appt is October 12th at 3:00, but donít you dare show up or call to confirm the appt, because even though HIPPA laws exist, you as my girlfriend can somehow get this medical office to give you my medical information, so donít you dare come!Ē

    Ignoring that BLATANTLY huge plot hole to your story, like I said heís either scary dumb or a master manipulator with some big balls...

    Either way your response to me... you donít sound confused... you sound incredibly clear who is to blame here. So why stay?

  4. #14
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    I believe your story because my old housemate's ex-girlfriend was screwed up and lied about having cancer too. I'm sorry but it really doesn't matter what reasons he had (bad reasons), it is NOT OK to lie about having cancer! That is just sick. He was definitely trying to manipulate you and force you to stop going out and dump your friend. You are allowed to have a life of your own and go out with friends. If you've never cheated then he has no right to constantly suspect you. Either way even if he had any good reason to suspect you, lying about having cancer is still screwed up! You just don't do that. I'd drop him immediately if I was you. This man has some serious issues and he's also very controlling and manipulative.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Good grief - he is an abuser, trying to manipulate and isolate you, he makes up a story about cancer in an attempt to control and manipulate you. That's beyond psycho and btw, that's not what love is.

    OP, about the only smart thing you've done here is actually resist his psychotic demands and maintain friendships and a life outside of this madness. That said, if you make the mistake of continuing to tolerate him and his crazy, eventually he will wear you down and break you down. Please please please just walk away. Delete his info, block him from all access to you and stay far away. You have a child to protect from predators and this guy is the definition of a predator. Do not become a statistic.

  7. #16
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    You love "the bones" of him?

    What does that even mean?

  8. #17
    I asked him what doctors heís registered at he said and it was the name of the doctor and he said but that doctor left last year. So I searched the doctors he told me times and dates of appointments because I asked him. Obviously these was false. The doctors shouldnít have gave me the information and he complained as they wouldnít tell me again after I confronted him. I even asked if Iv got the correct doctors abs they confirmed this information. I think everybody is entitled to go out with friends once in a while and I told him he should go out with friends but he wouldnít. Love the bones of him just means I love him so much. I have never cheated on him and never would.
    Thanks for the responses again. He had told me he feels like heís having a break down and thatís why he did it but Iím so hurt by this and thinking of my child if itís wrong of me to forgive him as I have my child to think about. He goes to his dads alternate weekends which I when I go and spend the weekend at his house with him and his child. One weekend his dad was away he said his mum would have our child but obviously I said no I will have him. And that was another argument because that should be my weekend at his house and Iv gone and had my child instead. Which I thought was so wrong of him to have a go at me about that x

  9. #18
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    I'm not keen on the fake medical documents and the use of health issues to manipulate you. This shouldn't have continued, Kimberly. At two years, I understand you're very torn up about it but for your child's sake (if not your own), I hope you do not continue this relationship. This is beyond a white lie. Your child will see you and the example you set. I'd be worried about the example I'd be setting for my kid if I was in your place and what type of message I am sending.

    In the end this is not only about yourself and your boyfriend.

  10. #19
    Yeah I know Iv got to put my son first and thatís the main thing I also feel so sorry for him he is begging me telling me he canít live without me and he may aswel be dead with out me I hate to hurt anyone and feel I have no right to do that to somebody , it hurts me more that heís hurting more than the fact I am hurting and that is the hardest part I keep trying to think of what heís done telling me with his symptoms he is nearing death and what that did to me itís so hard x

  11. #20
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Kimberly8619
    Yeah I know Iv got to put my son first and thatís the main thing I also feel so sorry for him he is begging me telling me he canít live without me and he may aswel be dead with out me I hate to hurt anyone and feel I have no right to do that to somebody , it hurts me more that heís hurting more than the fact I am hurting and that is the hardest part I keep trying to think of what heís done telling me with his symptoms he is nearing death and what that did to me itís so hard x
    Those parts in bold are serious red flags. This relationship is beyond bad. It's the very end of the road type of horror of horrors and you should be very concerned that you've allowed yourself to spend this long in this type of relationship. You are NOT ok. Please do not engage in manipulative tactics and language like this with anyone. If you've come from a difficult background (previous marriage/relationship issues, difficult childhood etc), you'll have to work on your issues because a healthy person should be alerted immediately to the use of that kind of language in a conversation. Health issues, death ultimatums and other psychological threats are NOT appropriate. It's not ok and it's not normal to speak in this way. The type of desperation and clinging to you is not good. This is not a good place at all.

    Please stop engaging in this relationship and take a good look at any difficulties you're struggling with in terms of your previous relationships or your past.

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