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Would you take this as a compliment from a slightly (inexperienced) person?


minute_perception

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I'm recently dating a guy who is 2 years younger, and we've just slept together. I've had a fair bit of experience and I've slept around, which he knows. He claimed he has only slept with 3 people as he's been in long term relationships when I was giving him oral, he told me that his previous girlfriend almost never gave it. He kept telling me how sexy I am (no brainer, compliment there) and that having sex with me is like having sex with a porn star and I've been the best sex he's ever had. He also sort of kept insisting that I'm out of his league.

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Unfortunately it sounds more like an insult than a compliment. Stop discussing your sexual past with guys. A 22 y/o guy likes sex, it's that simple. It has nothing to do with liking you per se. If you just want hookups and attention this is fine, but if you're hoping for dating this may not go anywhere.

I'm recently dating a guy who is 2 years younger. when I was giving him oral. He kept telling me how sexy I am and that having sex with me is like having sex with a porn star.
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*sigh* when a 24 year old woman thinks a 22 year old man with three (four including her?) sexual partners is "inexperienced".

 

Sometimes I really wonder if the word "progressive" is appropriate for the sort of social change we have seen in the West since the end of WW2. So many societal issues boils down to the breakdown of stable nuclear families and the erosion of traditional family values.

 

Don't get me wrong, I don't think women's rights and the sexual liberation of women (thanks to the birth control pill, among other factors) is inherently a bad thing, I just think there were some serious unintended consequences that we are still collectively ignoring.

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An ex once told me a similar thing but about another woman - I was livid. Soon after my current partner and I became intimate he told me it was "like having his very own ". I told him straight out how insulted I felt. I don't know why men think it's OK to compare their partners with women they've seen in porn. It's totally not cool imo.

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I know right. Being likened to a pornstar would feel more tacky and somewhat like an insult to me. One should not attach their self worth to sexual things 🙄, surely you have more to offer and aren't validating yourself through getting sexual attention.

 

Keep your sexual escapades to yourself. Guys may sometimes find that interesting but they don't respect women that are TMI about their past.

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3 partners is considered "inexperienced"? I thought inexperienced was 0-1 when the guy is 25. Damn, color me surprised.

 

Anyway, it sounds like kind of a tacky compliment but definitely not intended as an insult. Sounds like he just really loved what you were doing and felt you were good at it. That's all.

 

When I lost my virginity many years ago (I've had 5 partners total now), I remember the guy (bf at the time) saying "wow I can't believe you are a virgin, you are really good at this!". I think to some guys, comparing you to a porn star is the same sentiment just expressed in a tacky, clumsy way.

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I also wouldn't equate number of partners with "experienced" -that just means you've had sex with a lot of people. Experienced in the sense of being a good lover often has nothing to do with numbers- in fact numbers can have the opposite effect. Often it's about the desire to please your partner, good communication with your partner and experience with one person you care about or at least care about pleasing sexually. To me "porn star" kind of means going through the motions in a sort of stereotyped way - and for him that might mean it's "the best" because of your practiced technique - for others the "best" might have a lot more to do with the partners' emotional connections. He likely won't be able to be too emotionally connected to you if he sees you already as out of his league -because connection requires vulnerability.

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Finding a 22 y/o guy who is going to like fellatio and sex, that's a no-brainer.🙂 Does he like you? Hard to tell. Does he want the sex and bjs to continue, that's a yes.

when I was giving him oral. He kept telling me how sexy I am (no brainer, compliment there) and that having sex with me is like having sex with a porn star and I've been the best sex he's ever had.
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He has no clue what a lady would like to hear....he's thinking with his immature, masturbates to a lot of porn, male brain. BUT yes it's a compliment ( in his mind).

True story: I used to work at a night club, next door was the peeler bar. One night I was cashing out in the lobby some guy asked me if I was one of the strippers. Now by no means did I dress like those girls, I dressed nice, I was well groomed and took a lot of pride in my appearance. I just lost it on him, felt insulted. He was shocked and said it was a compliment....egad! not!

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He has no clue what a lady would like to hear....he's thinking with his immature, masturbates to a lot of porn, male brain. BUT yes it's a compliment ( in his mind).

True story: I used to work at a night club, next door was the peeler bar. One night I was cashing out in the lobby some guy asked me if I was one of the strippers. Now by no means did I dress like those girls, I dressed nice, I was well groomed and took a lot of pride in my appearance. I just lost it on him, felt insulted. He was shocked and said it was a compliment....egad! not!

 

What an idiot!

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Although it was a dreadful thing to say I think this dopey guy meant it as a compliment. The words he used were crass & vulgar, basically calling you easy but I think he was trying to say that it was a mind-blowing fantasy come true. Talk to him about how he expresses himself.

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OP The fact that you are coming here to ask if it's a compliment tells me that you have mixed feelings about it... if you have mixed feelings about it, something about what he said doesn't sit well with you... and at the end of the day if it doesn't sit well with you, you are not required to take it as a compliment and can in fact decide that whatever it was that he said bothered you for whatever reason it bothered you.

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This reminds me of a Sex and the City episode. Carrie's friend hooks her up with an acquaintance visiting from France (possibly relocating -meaning not sure if Carrie thought this would be a one time thing)- handsome dashing charismatic guy. They spend all day together taking in the sights then have sex at his hotel. The next morning he has breakfast delivered to her and he is not there. He leaves a note and hundreds of dollars as if she were a prostitute. Your situation reminds me of that -you were under the impression that he is looking to get to know you - the whole you -but a comment like that suggests his focus is on your sexual technique and it's "the best" because you got him off and had moves like a porn star - so you're out of his league and I am not certain he wants to pursue a relationship with you beyond a sexual arrangement. Of course some couples who are committed and in love watch porn together and experiment but that's once they have an established relationship of love and respect.

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I'm recently dating a guy who is 2 years younger, and we've just slept together. I've had a fair bit of experience and I've slept around, which he knows. He claimed he has only slept with 3 people as he's been in long term relationships when I was giving him oral, he told me that his previous girlfriend almost never gave it. He kept telling me how sexy I am (no brainer, compliment there) and that having sex with me is like having sex with a porn star and I've been the best sex he's ever had. He also sort of kept insisting that I'm out of his league.

 

I'd leave the comments in the bedroom and out of other areas of your life including any ideas you have about yourself or your self-worth. This was a good time and perhaps nothing more. If you're not able to handle having casual sex or the occasional offhand comment, engaging in casual sex might not be for you and you shouldn't beat yourself up about it or try to appear nonchalant about something that you tend to overthink after the fact. To me, it appears harmless and sort of the thing couples say in the heat of the moment and nothing more.

 

Let this go. Start treating your partners with respect and creating more healthy boundaries in your partnerships or relationships. If you're not ready for this, that is ok too. Another time, another place. Always focus on your own wellbeing. Life is too short to live badly.

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He has no clue what a lady would like to hear....he's thinking with his immature, masturbates to a lot of porn, male brain. BUT yes it's a compliment ( in his mind).

True story: I used to work at a night club, next door was the peeler bar. One night I was cashing out in the lobby some guy asked me if I was one of the strippers. Now by no means did I dress like those girls, I dressed nice, I was well groomed and took a lot of pride in my appearance. I just lost it on him, felt insulted. He was shocked and said it was a compliment....egad! not!

 

Very true, he actually asked me if I watch porn and claimed he doesn't watch a lot as it makes him depressed.

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Has he ever complimented you in other ways? He is young but not that young and stupid. He's 22 not 16. Like Pavlov's dog he's giving you some (albeit crass) compliments so you keep doing what he wants while keeping your expectations quite low.

 

If you are both practicing on each other fine, but he is not just an oaf who said something stupid. He may tell other girls they are smart or pretty and give them more elevated compliments than 'you blow me like a porn star'.

when I was giving him oral, He kept telling me that having sex with me is like having sex with a porn star
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