Abusive girlfriend?

Hi.

I've meet this girl in the house I share with others. I started to like her for her shyness and looks very quiet and introvert. However, she knew my feelings for her, she was keeping rejecting my attempts to take her out for a date but next day she was texting me that she cooked something for me or she wanted to see a movie with me in my room making me so confused.

One day, she came in the house with a guy, I've decided it's time to let go and move on. After about a month, they broke up and started 'hovering' me, we ended up in a club kissing and hugging all night but however, after that party waking together home, she said that she let me kiss her just because she wanted to make me happy. (?)

Again, I've moved on, I've went in a solo trip but guess what? She texted me on my trip that she feels sorry, she was confused, she's missing me and if I can give one more chance. I gave her that chance, but been together 2 months in total, on and off, her behavior showed me that she doesn't care about me, as example she just disappear in the middle of the texts, she told me once that she doesn't want to lose me but her actions are different as afterwards she went on holiday for 10 days but didn't texted me at all those days.

See seems tired all the time when she's with me but never when she's going out with her friends or to 'massages' at 1am. I've complained about these things, about the lack of communication, however she said I always complain. Now, she said she had read a lot of books and she wants to change, she didn't knew how to appreciate my love, my kindness, bla bla and to try again this relationship after she discarded me many times.

What's about with this girl?

She sounds exhausting.

But if I am totally honest. I don't think she's that into you, she just likes the attention you give her. It's a nice source of comfort and an ego boost whenever she is lonely and/or not getting enough attention from other guys she probably also got orbiting around her. She doesn't want you, she just doesn't want to be alone.

Edit: I forgot to add, I am not sure why you want to label this "abusive", I think people are too eager to apply labels like this and self-identify as victims these days, and it devalues the meaning of these words when they are applied to true cases of abuse. That girl might be manipulative, intentionally or subconsciously, but abusive? No, unless you have missed out big chunks of the story.

I said that she looks abusive because I am thinking she's a kind of narcissistic person. Not sure about that

Date women that don't live in this house as roommates. It's too messy. Ignore her and date others. Uninterested is not 'abusive'. Best to work on getting rid of the victim mentality if you think every dating scenario that doesn't pan out is 'abusive'. If you are depressed or very withdrawn some therapy may help you put things in perspective.

I've meet this girl in the house I share with others. her behavior showed me that she doesn't care about me, as example she just disappear in the middle of the texts, she told me once that she doesn't want to lose me but her actions are different as afterwards she went on holiday for 10 days but didn't texted me at all those days.

Why do you put up with this?! Get off of the crazy train, and end this for good. She likes attention from you, and that's about it.

Move on!

She is not abusive, but you are allowing someone to treat you with a lot of disrespect. This is your fault (keep going back).

Dismissive, self centered, selfish, possibly narcissistic, but none of those things condone being labelled as abusive.

Honestly, I'm not sure what to think. It is possible she's telling you the truth though and realized that she didn't know how to accept the love and support you were offering due to personal issues and is wanting to work on them.

At the end of the day, it's you who has to decide if she's been too hurtful towards you for you to want to try again or not.

I said that she looks abusive because I am thinking she's a kind of narcissistic person. Not sure about that

Then why would you even want to date her? She does not care about you.

Someone who isn't as interested as you are is not "abusive" or "narcissistic ". You are trivializing true abuse victims by using that term.

She hits you up when she's bored or wants attention. She doesn't want to lose her fan club so she does just enough to keep you coming back because it apparently works.

End this by refusing to be her fan club. Either she dates you properly or not at all.

She's just looking for the attention, but has no intenstion of ever being with you. Stop being a shelp and cut her off.

She is doing what many young women do - toy with a guy who doesn't know when to walk away.

You asked her on a date, she rejected you. Should have stopped at that. The rest is you playing yourself by buying into hope that if you do enough, if you hang around enough, put up with her bs enough, one day she'll wake up and realize your greatness. You are on a path to insanity and self destruction. Drop her like you should have done the first time she rejected you, never ever ever seek validation from someone who already indicate that they aren't into you, surround yourself with people who DO like you, are into you, are like you.

Always remember that you cannot force people to like you or be attracted to you. However, you can always seek out people who DO simply like you off the bat. It's called finding people you click with. This goes for everything - relationships, friendships, work, business partners, etc. Seek where you fit in and you'll find success.

She is nowhere near abusive. Do not throw around such caustic words lightly.

Dating somebody you share a house with is a terrible idea. When you break up you will have to see her with other guys.

She likes the attention you give her & she enjoys flirting with you. She is playing games but she's not abusive. She may simply be immature & may not know how to deal with being in a relationship. If you don't want to play, then don't flirt with her. It really is your choice.

What was your first clue she just wasn't that into you? When she first rejected an offer to go on a date with you. And then you tried to wear her down like jackhammering a rock, trying to make a dent. And now you're surprised she's not putting in the effort and doesn't value the relationship?

Learn from your mistakes. If a girl doesn't jump at the chance of going on a date with you the first time you ask, STOP ASKING. Because you'll have the same results as you're getting now. This is the time of life you'll be meeting more single women your age than at any other time in your life. Why are you clinging on to something that's not working?

Seriously?

What is it about people wanting to be abused?

It doesn’t magically make your situation ‘better’ it doesn’t excuse you sticking around...

You’re no victim, just a willing participant.

You're upset and hurt. She's not what you thought she'd be and perhaps the shy and introverted ended up being confused and displaced. Please don't take this so hard. When we date, we get to find out what types of people we're dating. You've found she's mostly confused and displaced. You'll probably find a great number of individuals who are open to dating are confused and displaced. Just as there are good opportunities, there are also bad opportunities out there.

Take this all with a grain of salt. Move forwards, let go of this person or remain friends in a lighthearted, cordial way if you're in the same social circles. It doesn't pay to burn bridges or carry a chip on your shoulder or become a bitter or resentful person. Pick your partners so that you enhance and complement each other.

I said that she looks abusive because I am thinking she's a kind of narcissistic person. Not sure about that

Not abusive or narcissistic... she is just seeking validation by leading you on and keeping hooks in.

If you don't like the way she is treating you, you will need to do your part by closing the door and not communicating with her.