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Thread: Do I have a chance with ex from years ago?

  1. #1

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    Oct 2019
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    Do I have a chance with ex from years ago?

    Soo I met him in like 2010. He was super sweet, we had things in common and nobody has treated me nicer. However I was in my early 20's and very messed up from past experiences. We moved pretty fast and moved in together after a few months. We had some really good times,but in general I was depressed and didn't know how to deal with my issues so I was an awful girlfriend.

    I wasn't working, he was, I would sit around all day and I didn't look after the house. I didn't cool for him, I didn't ever really appreciate him or think about him. Hell I could barely look after myself and was neglecting myself, so I couldn't be a good girlfriend or keep a good house. He would work then come back and take care of the house and food etc. I was often moody with him too and just unappreciative and I was jealous and probably somewhat controlling too.

    Of course he wasn't perfect, he didn't know how to deal well with emotions but who can blame him mine was scary. But he did really try with me. We lasted like a year or a bit more, then he broke up with me saying he couldn't cope. I obviously took it really really badly and even self harmed. I begged for him back and he was saying sorry I can't do it. I cried and he even cried. He kept in touch with my mum a couple times right afterwards to check on me. But apart from that it was complete NC. I worked on my mental health and moved on slowly.

    Then in 2017 he randomly msgs me on Facebook. At the time I wasn't ever even thinking about him and was dealing with ending with an abusive guy. We had random chit chat, but it turned into sexual talk from him which was really out of character for him. He was sending me dirty gifs of boobs and stuff and it was really weird,i was like . I went along with it for a little while then got annoyed and blocked him. That was that. I did see him about a year or maybe a bit more ago, holding hands with a woman. He has crossed my mind now and then the past month and last evening I decided to msg him on Facebook.

    Me: Yooo
    Around 10 mins later he accepts request and replies
    Him: Alright
    Me: How are you?
    An hour later
    Him: Yeah all good, and you?
    Me: I'm good. You popped into my mind so though I would say hello :)
    Him: :) well hello

    By then it was around 10pm and I didn't click on the msg. I replied this morning with just a smile face, so that was about 9 or 10 hrs after his msg. He read it but didn't say anything. A few questions...

    Was what I done weird? To randomly msg him like that?

    Did I sound too forward saying he popped into my mind? Or did I not say enough?

    Do you think there could ever be a chance? Or will I forever be the crazy chick?

    I obviously don't know if he's single or if we would ever even work out. The sexual chat before makes me wonder if he's the same person or not. But I would really like that chance to get to know him again and possibly date again. I'm a different person to who I was them years ago, but I know he doesn't know that.

    I have also wondered if I should apologise for how I treated him when we were together? Or would that be weird?

    I'm assuring I should treat him like a new guy. And if he wants to talk to me he will. So should wait and see if he reaches out, or should I be more proactive? My friend says she's not sure if I should apologise yet, maybe if we get talking more deeper. And she says he might be thinking I literally just wanted to pop and say hello since I didn't keep the convo going? I would love outside perspectives and advice!

  2. #2
    Gold Member
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    You should treat him like the ex that he is and move on.

    I once thrived on the fantasy of rekindling a romance with an ex who (despite my desires) hurt me badly and by not choosing to move on in a healthy, productive way, it ruined my life for at least a year.

    Don't do what I did. Accept the fact the past is the past and if you choose to relive it, you'll never move forward in a positive way and be in good place when someone who is going to be a far better person for you comes into your life.

  3. #3

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    But he didn't do anything wrong to me, it was all my fault. And it's been years so I moved on and it's not ruining my life. I would just really like the chance to try again, I'm like a whole different person. I'm in a place where I can handle it if it doesn't work out. We were suited in a lot of ways and that's why I'm thinking about him. That and he was good to me in general. I'm just not sure what he's thinking or how I could go about it. Thanks for your reply anyway!

  4. #4
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    If you're a whole different person why do you want to dig into your past for a boyfriend?

    Find someone new who you don't have this damaging history with.

    BTW, sending you dirty gifs doesn't exactly sound like a guy who respects you.

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  6. #5
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    To be honest this is what some people do, when they've had a dry spell and they're horny, they look up an ex and want to see if they can get sex. I have a friend whose ex keeps sporadically contacting her after not speaking for years. They broke up about seven years or more ago but sometimes he randomly messages her and tries to get sex. I think the fact that you were chatting and he never asked you to meet for coffee or anything but just sent pictures of boobs, kind of shows that he was probably after only one thing.

    It's been ten years now and maybe you could have sex with him but I don't know whether he'd want to date you again. I mean no offence but his experience with you back in 2010 was bad. He doesn't know if you've changed or not so it's a risk for him to try with you again.

  7. #6
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    Did you ever seek help to deal with your problems?

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear this. Run. He sounds like a real tool. In fact he sounds like someone who has a ton of red flags you should be watching out for. Talk to your therapist about all this. Focus on recovering from the abusive relationship you're in. Do not go for one abuser after the next. Stop the cycle and get whatever help you can.
    Originally Posted by Htlp
    We moved pretty fast and moved in together after a few months.

    He was sending me dirty gifs of boobs and stuff

    I did see him about a year or maybe a bit more ago, holding hands with a woman.


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