Getting her to want me again

[Hollyj]

Mayne, you should ask your wife. So selfish.

You are not a victim.

You're married. Do the decent thing and get a divorce. Be a better man!

[HeartGoesOn]

I can hand-on-heart say that I have tried to make things right with my wife but there comes a point where things have to change. June was the catalyst for me realising how I truly felt about my wife. Sometimes you don't even realise the situation you are in...

When all is said and done, your clever plan will end with you standing alone, (imo). The one and only victim here is your wife--Remember her?

[l123]

Thank you Rose Mosse.

If you remain cordial and respectful to everyone involved it will come back to you.

Did you mean if I don't remain cordial?

I think you're actually in a lot of pain and you have nowhere to put it or you don't know how to work through your guilt in breaking up your marriage.

Both! :(

I hope you're not "getting a flat" just so you can be available to June or other women. The right thing to do would be to sit down with your wife and tell her exactly how you're feeling about the marriage..

No, June has just made me realise what I need to do. Honestly I would love to start something with her - if only to get that feeling back. But i know I must do it the right way. I am not over the top at work. Sometimes I avoid her as well! I am trying to just keep it cool...

My wife and I have spoken many times. The cards are on the table. I want it to be amicable but it won’t be. She gets very angry and I am concerned for her. This is part of the reason I have not left yet. When (not if atm) it happens I need to make sure she has loads of support around her.


Thank you for your support. I have no-one to talk this through with.

[boltnrun]

I wrote my MIL a letter letting her know that her son and I would be splitting up and that I was sorry for how things turned out. She wrote me a very nice reply, basically saying she understood that marriages have problems that sometimes aren't overcome and that I would always have a place in her family. We had two kids so I'm positive that was a factor, but even now that the kids are grown she and I have a good relationship.

Can you send your in laws a letter explaining that you have a lot of respect for your wife but you have decided to divorce? Ask them to provide support to her. I can't guarantee they'll think you're the greatest guy ever but at least they'll have a heads up. Don't send this letter until after you file, of course.

[waffle]

Stop this juvenile silliness and get back to work.

This right here. ^^^

Obviously if co-workers are noticing and telling her to stay away from you, then you are not nearly as suave as you think you are. You are at work, not a singles function. June and your marriage are two separate entities; if your marriage is over then address that and do what is necessary, whether that be divorce or attempt to reconcile or what. Divorcing because you found something better is always a bad idea because in the (in this case extemely likely) event that it doesn't work out, then what? Make sure you can be on your own and work on your own issues before you involve another person in your life again.

[SherrySher]

OP, if you had any sense of decency, you'd go about things the right way.

Leave June alone. Get a divorce, get your own place and leave women alone until the divorce goes through.

Then as a divorced man you can decide to date. It amazes to me that this has to be explained to a grown man.

[abitbroken]

Sept 2019 – A bit awkward to start with but the flirting and looks started to happen again. I then almost broke up with my wife. I told June all about it and I think that this put her off. She would still email me a few times but not that much.

Oct 2019 – She now emails infrequently. I get few flirty looks at work. But we still have some nice chats and I can make her laugh. I think we know that we are not friends.

Is the attraction still there ? Yes (I think), but she is not as forward anymore.

I do not know what to do next to get us back to where we were (and more!) Please help.

Quick reply to this message

Your next move is to not message, email, text, call or communicate with June except what is absolutely required during the work day - then i would send my resume around to get to a work place without June in it to show your wife you are serious about your marriage. Block June on all apps, email accounts and phone numbers. And i would reconnect with your wife. take her on dates. Figure out with a counselor why you are acting like such a heel and acting as a victim ie, that things in life just happen to you

[ShatteredMan]

Yep, June is going to find you uber attractive when your broke behind is sitting in your 300 square foot unfurnished studio flat after your wife kicks you out and takes you to the cleaners for repeated cheating. Not to mention the allure of being a selfish cheater.

I sure hope you don't have kids.

Stop this juvenile silliness and get back to work. And either work on your marriage or divorce your wife.

This is your answer. Do the right thing and find some distance some way from this woman. This situation will not end well for anyone and will probably have dire consequences on multiple fronts for your life.

[Tinydance]

Wait a minute, didn't you also say that June has a boyfriend? I think you are seriously living in La La Land! I don't think June is even that into you but she just likes the attention and you chasing her. Many people are like this and just love an ego boost. It's very convenient for her to say "Yes I would definitely kiss you if we were single". But conveniently you are both not single so she doesn't have to kiss you or do anything at all! I reckon if you leave your wife she won't date you at all. Also you need to leave your wife before you see other women. You were together for TWELVE YEARS. Don't you think she deserves some respect?