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Thread: To message or not

  1. #11
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    I have to say, I wondered from your first post if he'd met someone else.

    His behaviour during and after the break-up could be argued to be consistent with someone who is bouncing between a couple people and not being totally honest. This is why I asked what the argument was about.

    However, as you said, it is actually not that important anymore. He decided he didn't want to continue the relationship, which hurts, but is all the reason you need not to contact him now. No good will come of it.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Your intuition sounds correct. He picked a fight to get out of it. And he may be interested in someone else. How old is he? If you know each other for a decade you know his dating/relationship history, no?
    Originally Posted by Xxshannonxx1
    I think the argument was definitely precipitated. I was worried about him seeing someone else, I think that's why I tried to stay friends so I could know.

  3. #13
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    I'm 21, he's 22. So yeah, very young and inexperienced.
    I was his longest relationship, none of his others made it past 5 months or so.
    Its hard to wrap my head around, because our relationship really did seem great until the last couple of days. We'd been on holiday together, he got on great with my family (who all already knew him before we got together). Our love was very passionate and whenever we were together, we made others smile. It was all so intense and passionate all the time, maybe that was the problem. Extreme highs, and extreme lows :(

  4. #14
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    So you've been friends since age 11/12? Ok you both need to move on and date new and different people. let go . Evolve. Grow. Spread your wings a bit. He is trying too and you should do the same.
    Originally Posted by Xxshannonxx1
    I'm 21, he's 22. we dated for a year, best friends for 9 before that.

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  6. #15
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    So far every date I've been on since has just made me feel worse, I think I need work on myself a bit before jumping back into it before I'm ready.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    That is a very good idea. If you are afraid to face the world and people some short term therapy could give you some tips and a place to unpack and sort some of this out.

    That's not a good reason to hide behind him and avoid living your own life. Get involved in school or work. Take some classes, courses, etc. Join some clubs or groups or volunteer. Start looking for a place to live with other young adults. You can't stay 12 years old in puppy love forever.
    Originally Posted by Xxshannonxx1
    So far every date I've been on since has just made me feel worse

  8. #17
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    I'm actually already back in therapy, and I've taken up guitar lessons to fill some of my spare time. Up until this last week, I'd been doing really with moving on.
    We weren't together since we were 12, actually when I was friends with him I was in a serious relationship with someone else (last lasted 5 years) we were only together a year.
    I guess he was the one who had helped me through everything, even before the relationship began, he helped me with the loss of my first relationship and I miss that friendship and safety. It was the same with him, when he split with a partner long long before we got together, it was my house he ended up coming too.

  9. #18
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    IMO being continuously in relationships since you were 14/15 will turn you codependent. I think it would be wise to give yourself a break from relaitonship to discover yourself, and what kind of person you want to be. So far you let a relationship define you. Be independent, think about your own life, and build it from there.

  10. #19
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    This is actually something me and my therapist have been touching on in our last session. I'm not very good at dealing with things on my own, and as my mum suffers really bad mental health issues I feel like I have to stay strong to look after them, and my partner felt like my only safe place and without that I'm feeling a little bit lost.
    I do realise how utterly unhealthy this is, I just haven't experienced life any other way yet.

  11. #20
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    Originally Posted by Xxshannonxx1
    This is actually something me and my therapist have been touching on in our last session. I'm not very good at dealing with things on my own, and as my mum suffers really bad mental health issues I feel like I have to stay strong to look after them, and my partner felt like my only safe place and without that I'm feeling a little bit lost.
    I do realise how utterly unhealthy this is, I just haven't experienced life any other way yet.
    This is an excellent opportunity to learn how to manage life's stresses and obstacles on your own.

    You'll take the skills you learn with you, regardless of your relationship status.

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