emisme Posted October 26, 2019 Share Posted October 26, 2019 My boyfriend and I have been dating just under a year. About 7 or 8 months into out relationship he started expressing PDA in very inappropriate ways. Don't get me wrong, I like PDA to a point. I like holding hands, I like giving a quick kiss here or there but that is about it. He has, on multiple occasions, grabbed my butt in public as we are walking in the grocery store or out to dinner. He has grabbed my breasts. And (this one is cringey) he has attempted to rub my private parts in public also. I have expressed to him that I do NOT like it, it does NOT turn me on, it stresses me out and causes me a lot of anxiety. He continues to do these things in front of his family members, including his parents. Please help me. How do I get him to stop. I just want to say about the butt grabbing, sometimes when it is discrete like a friend has said on here, it can be fun and silly. But the butt grabbing is extremely noticable, like he wanted other people to see him do it. Link to comment
Skeptic76 Posted October 26, 2019 Share Posted October 26, 2019 Sounds ultimatum worthy to me. Link to comment
SherrySher Posted October 26, 2019 Share Posted October 26, 2019 Good god, that guy is being downright gross, nevermind walking a fine line on sexual assault! Tell him sternly and not in a laughing way or playing around way..NO! and explain to him what your boundaries are. If he can't respect them and abide by them, then dump this creep. Link to comment
smackie9 Posted October 26, 2019 Share Posted October 26, 2019 Hmmmm so how's his porn habit? Link to comment
DieCastRN Posted October 26, 2019 Share Posted October 26, 2019 My boyfriend and I have been dating just under a year. About 7 or 8 months into out relationship he started expressing PDA in very inappropriate ways. Don't get me wrong, I like PDA to a point. I like holding hands, I like giving a quick kiss here or there but that is about it. He has, on multiple occasions, grabbed my butt in public as we are walking in the grocery store or out to dinner. He has grabbed my breasts. And (this one is cringey) he has attempted to rub my private parts in public also. I have expressed to him that I do NOT like it, it does NOT turn me on, it stresses me out and causes me a lot of anxiety. He continues to do these things in front of his family members, including his parents. Please help me. How do I get him to stop. I'm guilty of the occasional discrete butt grab in public (I think a lot of guys are) but my ex never seemed to mind or she would have said something. That being said, the rest of the stuff is downright creepy. Why does he do this in front of his own family members? I wouldn't even give him an ultimatum, I'd be out the door. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted October 26, 2019 Share Posted October 26, 2019 That is not affection, that is disrespect, particularly since you have made it clear that this is no good. You need to dump him. He has, on multiple occasions, grabbed my butt in public as we are walking in the grocery store or out to dinner. He has grabbed my breasts. And (this one is cringey) he has attempted to rub my private parts in public also. I have expressed to him that I do NOT like it, it does NOT turn me on, it stresses me out and causes me a lot of anxiety. He continues to do these things in front of his family members, including his parents. Link to comment
ThatwasThen Posted October 26, 2019 Share Posted October 26, 2019 Please help me. How do I get him to stop. By walking away from him, getting in a cab or your car and leaving the scene. First tell him that if he does that again when not alone, you will do exactly that. Then if he does it again, you follow through with the warning. Let me guess: He thinks that what the guys do to women in a porn video is the proper way to please a lady as well. SMH and RME's Link to comment
emisme Posted October 26, 2019 Author Share Posted October 26, 2019 He starts to watch porn when I "deprive" him of sex after a week, doesn't matter I work 2 full time jobs and go to school full time as well. Anyways, it does make me feel better that I am not alone since I tend to think, "ugh, only me..." Link to comment
Hollyj Posted October 26, 2019 Share Posted October 26, 2019 How disrespectful. Your bf sounds like a real creep! You have asked him multiple times, and he does not care. Find a better bf. Link to comment
emisme Posted October 26, 2019 Author Share Posted October 26, 2019 I should have made the butt grabbing more clear, yes when it is discrete it can be fun. but this stuff is not discrete whatsoever. Link to comment
ThatwasThen Posted October 26, 2019 Share Posted October 26, 2019 I should have made the butt grabbing more clear, yes when it is discrete it can be fun. but this stuff is not discrete whatsoever. ... and there it is, the first excuse to not do a thing but complain about it. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted October 26, 2019 Share Posted October 26, 2019 ... and there it is, the first excuse to not do a thing but complain about it. I'm certain that this is not the only gross behavior. Link to comment
Chloee1988 Posted October 26, 2019 Share Posted October 26, 2019 That shows total disrespect on his part. He treats you like an object. I’d be very surprised if there isn’t a host of other issues in this relationship. Link to comment
figureitout23 Posted October 26, 2019 Share Posted October 26, 2019 ... and there it is, the first excuse to not do a thing but complain about it. This, this, this. I have to imagine he didn’t just start doing this 2 days ago... You’ve been together less than a year, if you don’t like it, you two aren’t a match. He’s not wrong for his over the top PDA, he’s wrong for doing it despite you telling him not, but at the same time you say no yet you stay, so, there’s that. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted October 26, 2019 Share Posted October 26, 2019 He wants the entire world to know the two of you are having sex. How immature. Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted October 26, 2019 Share Posted October 26, 2019 He knows there are no consequences for his actions, therefore in his little mind he's likely saying "Why not?" With that being said, say what you mean and mean what you say, or...continue to play his game. Link to comment
Snny Posted October 26, 2019 Share Posted October 26, 2019 Oh Honey, I would dump this guy. Sexual harassment is not ok. Just think of how he would treat you if you married him. Link to comment
Honeycomb8 Posted October 26, 2019 Share Posted October 26, 2019 Why are you not dumping him? Jeez he's disgusting. Link to comment
MissCanuck Posted October 26, 2019 Share Posted October 26, 2019 This guy's sense of entitlement to your body is disturbing. It is clear that this is beyond some discrete and playful flirting. If you have told him it bothers you and he has continued anyway, I would end it. Yes, really. It's a matter of respect for your feelings and your body, and he's showing you he doesn't give a crap how it makes you feel. It seems this is far from the only problem you have with him, though. Why are you still with him? Link to comment
Seraphim Posted October 26, 2019 Share Posted October 26, 2019 Well, this is just me , but, I would kick him in the nuts and walk away. Link to comment
smackie9 Posted October 26, 2019 Share Posted October 26, 2019 Ok we can go on all day about how disgusting/bad wrong behavior it is, and the ol' better dump him advice, but what about an explanation? I see what has happened. Things were great when you had time with him at the beginning, all romantic, etc. What really changed? You going to school full time, working two jobs=very little to no time together. You said he supplements his sexual needs with porn if he doesn't get any. Sounds to me he is supplementing a lot since you started this new semester and more than what he is telling you. What happens with all the porn watching? The porn has conditioned him to objectify you...looks at you as a fantasy sex object without personal sexual boundaries. You no longer feel like his GF for a reason. That romantic emotional connection has diminished. So what can you do to stop it? Nothing. He's a horny guy, you can't be there to satisfy his needs, so he depends on porn, the cycle continues. Tell him to stop? ya right, like that will happen. Look there is too much distance between you two now that you have all this responsibility. And TBH you don't have the time to be committed to a relationship. I know this is hard but it would be in both your best interest to breakup. Link to comment
ThatwasThen Posted October 26, 2019 Share Posted October 26, 2019 Laughed... out... loud Well, this is just me , but, I would kick him in the nuts and walk away. Link to comment
melancholy123 Posted October 26, 2019 Share Posted October 26, 2019 I'd dump his ass immediately. He has no respect for you. Link to comment
Viceroy Posted October 26, 2019 Share Posted October 26, 2019 The rubbing the private parts is a bit extreme. I get it though , if he’s sexually frustrated ( again though , the rubbing is a bit excessive ). Really depends on how much you like the guy . Link to comment
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