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Thread: Should I Ruin My Three Year Relationship?

  1. #1

    Should I Ruin My Three Year Relationship?

    I’m 20(f) I have been with my boyfriend for over three years now and we are about to buy a house together.
    We’re high school sweethearts and he’s been a guiding light through me getting kicked out of my parents house, my pedophilic abuser trying to come back into my life after six years, and throughout my struggles with depression.

    One night after a party with some friends, I got very drunk. To the point where I don’t remember much. From what i recalled, I spent the night watching movies while my boyfriend slept. There was a broken glass that must’ve been me and it jogged my memory. When I get drunk i get very horny (for lack of a better word) and I reached out to a guy from Omegle and started sending him risqué pictures of myself. No face or anything and they were even old pictures. I remember telling him to come and meet me, but I know for certain I didn’t have any intentions of sleeping with him. It was all about the attention for me.

    For context, this was a frequent thing I did when I was younger. I had very destructive behavior from drugs and a rough home life. I would reach out to random guys I didn’t know and bait them into complimenting me and “wanting me.” I know this is a terrible thing so please don’t call me a in the comments. I know I need therapy and I am working on it, but as a college student my funds are limited.

    The shame of what I did that drunken night is killing me. I tried telling my boyfriend but all I was able to get out was that I had been “leading other guys on” without any details. He was hurt but he forgave me.
    Am I a terrible person? Should I tell him everything? If I tell him I am ruining this next step we’re taking by buying a house. We’ve talked about cheating before and he’s said he draws the line at having sex with another person, but what if he’s only saying that?

    tl;dr I sexted someone outside of my relationship while I was very drunk just for attention without the intention of physical sex. Should my relationship end over this?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    You're in college. How are you affording a house at the same time or is this your boyfriend that's buying the home? Based on your confusion, I don't recommend purchasing a home or moving in with anyone right now. If you're still with family or relatives, stay with your relatives or find a living situation for yourself that doesn't include moving in or living with a boyfriend. In my opinion, you're too young and confused and you're not in a good place mentally or emotionally.

    Limit your drinks and stay sober next time, stop that cycle of behaviour that puts you at risk. Part of growing up means learning to make difficult (often boring) decisions that help you in the long run, not destroy you or the people and relationships around you.

    If you are looking for a reason to break up with your boyfriend, end it on neutral terms. Don't start looking for trouble and using excuses to break up with someone. It's immature and uncalled for. No one deserves that.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    No not really, but you should get your act together and go through therapy.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Where do you live now? Do you both work? Why did your parents "kick you out"? You may want to get some group support therapy and stay clean and sober. It doesn't cost anything. You life is not going to turn around until you stop making up excuses and stop getting wasted.
    Originally Posted by freedomfight
    I’m 20(f) I have been with my boyfriend for over three years now and we are about to buy a house together. getting kicked out of my parents house

    When I get drunk i get very horny

    I reached out to a guy from Omegle and started sending him risqué pictures of myself. this was a frequent thing I did when I was younger. I had very destructive behavior from drugs and a rough home life. I would reach out to random guys I didn’t know and bait them into complimenting me and “wanting me.”

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  6. #5
    I’ve lived with my boyfriend for a year now. We both work full time and go to school part time. My parents kicked me out because they are religious and strict and one day when I was 18 I told my dad I was going to a family member’s house without asking and he through all of my things in trash bags so I had to move.
    My dad had trust issues with me after he caught me when I was eleven “talking” to an adult male. Of course this man was a pedophile and most people wouldn’t blame me, but my dad believed I was mature enough and should’ve known better idk

    Therapy is expensive where I live, insurance does not cover everything and school therapists are backlogged (America struggles). Trust me I’m staying sober.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    You won't want to hear this, but if you engage in reckless behavior when drunk, you should remain sober the rest of your life. If you can't afford therapy, how can you afford the down payment of a house, homeowner's insurance, property taxes, and closing costs?

    You're in no place, emotionally or likely financially, to make a major decision like buying a home with a man when your foundation is on sand instead of solid concrete right now. The late teens to the late twenties is usually a period of extreme growth and evolution. What you want when younger can do a 360 by the time a decade passes. The human brain isn't even fully formed until age 25, so if I were you, I'd concentrate on college and hold off on major decisions with your bf until your brain matures a bit. There's no hurry, and with a degree under your belt and more years together to see if you still feel the same about him or not and vice versa, you'll feel more confident in your decision. Good luck.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    How is your relationship with your boyfriend? How would you describe it in your own words? (ie. how are you both together, how you feel when you're with him, what do you think about his thoughts/ideas or the way you are as a couple?)

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Exactly. Things are not adding up. And...staying sober has a ton of Free support groups.
    Originally Posted by Andrina
    You won't want to hear this, but if you engage in reckless behavior when drunk, you should remain sober the rest of your life. If you can't afford therapy, how can you afford the down payment of a house, homeowner's insurance, property taxes, and closing costs?

  10. #9
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    I mean, I'd almost respect the drunk excuse more if you full-on had sex with a dude because he happened to be in front of you. At least that's somewhat linear. But insofar as you live with your boyfriend, you get drunk and horny, and somehow your inebriated default is look up other dude to sext... yeah, that's not computing as just an "lol too much vodka."

    If you don't want to admit what you did or break up with him, the next most basic decent human being thing to do is not go in on a home purchase with him until you've got yourself sorted out. It's in your best interests either way. If you're saving up for a home, you've got money that should be going into some clinical therapy going by your list of experiences and issues.

  11. #10
    Rose this is one of the most thoughtful responses I could’ve gotten, so I thank you for that.
    I love him. Like any relationship we have ups and downs. Some weeks we’re a little out of sync, but we try our best to communicate through it. We fit so well together, we make each other laugh, we handle problems together well. We’re both aware of our youth but also both of us are working towards building a better future for the other. He knows I have baggage and is always willing to help me when I need it. He was the first stable thing I’ve had in my life. I know I don’t deserve him now, but more than anything I don’t want to lose him.

    I think for him, he thinks of our relationship as healthy and loving. He sees a lot more in me than I do. I know he must think of us as a couple very highly because of how hard he works to build a future for us.
    People say we’re young I know, but I know we compliment each other in the best ways and I know if we stay together we’ll build a happy life.

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