Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Results 1 to 10 of 10

Thread: Stuck in Limbo

  1. #1

    Join Date
    Oct 2019
    Posts
    3

    Stuck in Limbo

    Hello all,

    I dated a young lady for 5 years. At about 5 years she moved back to Austin to take care of her granny for 5-6 months. We talked at length about it and decided that when she moved back to Tucson she would move in. We arranged mini vacations together over the 6 month period and everything seemed to be going great. At about the time she was suppose to move back one thing after another started happening that prevented her return. First her granny went to the hospital with pneumonia (twice), then she died. Of course I was supportive and really felt awful for her. This was followed by memorial services and then a trip to India with her mom to mourn her grannies death. After her return she was going to move back but had another series of calamities that prevented it. We regrouped and she presented a plan that we both could live with, she would get therapy for depression while she stayed with her dad in Colorado Springs. We would see each other at the end of June and then move back at the in July/August time frame. We had a vacation in SD and everything seemed to go great. I drove her to the airport thinking I would see her in about a month.

    A month goes by and then her father suffers a brain injury falling down the stairs. This is followed by doctor's visits to Denver etc. She asks me if it would be OK if she moved back with her dad so she could take care of him. I said of course and cleared out a room for him etc. The drive back was diverted to Austin when her father fell ill again on the journey. Her mother (in Austin) stepped in and demanded my gf drive him to Austin to see doctor's there and ultimately to get a brain scan in Houston. By now we are at the end of August. She initially was suppose to return in January of the year.

    Finally she is driving back with her father from Austin to Tucson the (Monday) second week of September. Needless to say I was pretty happy. During the week she was texting me her progress which was very slow because her father was still weak and recovering. Friday comes up and all of a sudden there is no texts. Saturday morning I texting her and am pretty pissed. She told me that her mother had forgotten to pay the cell phone bill and she could not contact me. She also texted me that she was 20 miles from the AZ border but her father woke up sick and she turned around to take him to a doctor in El Paso. I was irate. I asked why not use her fathers phone. No answer. I snapped and told her I did not believe her and to text me a photo of the doctors paperwork or his wristband. She said no problem. After this blow up I never received the photo and I could not get her to respond to calls or texts.

    Of course shortly after I started to feel bad thinking what if I am wrong? This would make me the most unsupportive jerk for getting mad at someone that is dealing with a dead granny, a sick dad, and a ton of stress. I found a number that I was pretty sure was her mother's house in Austin. I called the number and an older lady answered the phone. I introduced myself and asked if xxx and her father were OK, that they had been driving back to Tucson since Monday. I just wanted to know if my gf and her father were OK.

    Without going into further details I found out that the person I was speaking to was my gf's granny (who was supposedly dead) and that my gf had been with her granny on Thursday night (when she texted me she was outside El Paso).

    I know now as I look back through all the old texts that she was lying to me but I am so freaking confused about everything. She met me just a month earlier in SD had was intimate with me. Why? So so many I love you etc.? I know I was stupid about not realizing she was lying but I was so focused on being supportive for her and really believed everything she told me.

    I am having a really hard time with this. I am devastated, everyday it is a struggle to focus. I am talking with a therapist but so far really doesn't seem to help. It has been 6 weeks (this Saturday) since it happened and I am stuck. She absolutely refuses to communicate with me in any manner since I found out her granny was not dead. I really want to talk to her to understand what was true and what were lies. I have tried everything I can think off to communicate with her. The best reply I have received is from her father twice. Both times he basically told me to piss off.

    I really want to talk to her to be able to move on. I want to know how much of at least the last year has been a lie. I am so close to just loading up and heading to Austin. I am not mad, I am not interested in yelling etc. I just want to ask a few questions.

    Why would she deny me this one thing? I never lied to her and did everything I could think of to support her.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Posts
    12,384
    You already know she's a deceitful liar. Why insist on having her lie to you in person?

    Keep up with the therapy. It's only been 6 weeks.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    35,783
    Gender
    Male
    Did they marry her off in her homeland?
    Originally Posted by mjt999
    a trip to India with her mom

  4. #4
    Bronze Member Skeptic76's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Location
    California
    Age
    43
    Posts
    278
    Gender
    Male
    Personally I donít think that anything she says would satisfy you even if you got to talk to her. However you probably wonít get to talk to her, imagine how embarrassing it would be to get caught in such a blaring web of lies. Anyone who can lie like that is going to avoid taking responsibility for her gross disrespect of herself and you...at any cost.

    Plus, if you make your ability to move on dependent upon outside circumstances then you really will be stuck in limbo as your thread says. Luckily for you, your emotional health neednít be at the mercy of things outside of your control. You have enlisted the help of a professional to help you unravel your own feelings about this and you can choose to be responsible for your own healing with that therapistís help.

    What a crazy story man...sorry you got burned like that. Sounds like you really dodged a bullet by not having that ďladyĒ move in with you!!

  5.  

  6. #5
    Gold Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2018
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    738
    Gender
    Male
    Well I would run to the hills. This chick is sick in the head.

    Sounds like she's met a new guy where her family are. Even if she hasn't and perhaps she's just trying to fade out the relationship falsely claiming deaths and brain injuries is not the way to go about it.

    Honestly would not spare another second thinking about this person. Move on my friend.
    Last edited by ninjabib; 10-25-2019 at 11:26 AM.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    35,783
    Gender
    Male
    Agree with all of this. The whole thing is like a bad movie.
    Originally Posted by ninjabib
    Well I would run to the hills. This chick is sick in the head. Sounds like she's met a new guy where her family are.

  8. #7

    Join Date
    Oct 2019
    Posts
    3
    I appreciate it. It actually gets a lot crazier than what I wrote. I was sending her pics of stuff I was doing to the house for her, stuff I was buying for her etc. At one point I even sent her a picture of the bins I was living out of because I emptied my dresser for her return. She thank me and basically let me live out of them for the better part of 2 months. The list goes on and on. I am amazed that I was so completely duped by her. I imagine she was cheating also.

    I have told her that I don't care if she lied I just wanted to ask a couple of questions which could answer or not. It makes me laugh because if I challenged something she was telling me she would immediately tell me that it would hurt her feelings really bad when I questioned if she was telling me the truth.

    She is 28 and I think her parents have locked down all her communications. I can't imagine being in that position at 28 years old.

    Never had anything like this happen to me in my life. I guess I am lucky. I am still really hurting about all of it and really embarrassed. We used to watch shows together where people would do screwed up stuff to each other and she comment on how messed up that was.

    I guess I didn't know her at all. I still really want to talk to her but as you guys say I couldn't believe a thing she would say.

    Great thing about it is that she is getting her MBA from McCombs one of the best programs in the country. Man I would not want her in any position of authority.

    I still want to go out there and confront her face to face (no anger or threats period) but I am scared she would run away and say I tried to do something screwed up to her.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    35,783
    Gender
    Male
    Sorry this craziness happened. But something flipped the switch with the visit to her home country. Is she from a different culture than you are? Do you think she went there for her arranged marriage?
    Originally Posted by mjt999
    She is 28 and I think her parents have locked down all her communications. I can't imagine being in that position at 28 years old.

  10. #9

    Join Date
    Oct 2019
    Posts
    3
    No. She was born in NY and then moved to TX when she was in high school. She went to UT Austin for undergrad and now her MBA. Most of her family is from TX. From what she has told me (if I can believe any of it) is that her family is pretty dysfunctional. Parents owed back taxes in NY from real estate deals (according to her) and they separated about 8-10 years ago. Her father lives in Colorado Springs. Mother in Austin. She has told me that her brother is a dysfunctional 25 year old who can't manage to hold a job or go to school. Her parents basically put him in a camp for troubled teens (when was in HS if I remember correctly) according to my ex-gf due to behavioral issues.

    I really wonder if she was abused in some manner either sexually or in some other manner when she was young. Maybe lying is just a coping mechanism? There is a 25 year age difference age between us that I did consider before we really started getting serious. But honestly, she always seemed so mature and together that it quickly became a non-issue for me. Maybe not for her?

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    35,783
    Gender
    Male
    Pathological lying is definitely a consideration here.
    Originally Posted by mjt999
    Maybe lying is just a coping mechanism? There is a 25 year age difference age between us that I did consider before we really started getting serious.


Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •