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Thread: Online dating

  1. #1
    Platinum Member Jetta's Avatar
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    Online dating

    Asking for phone number to "text and get to know each other". Isn't that what dating is for? Is this the new way of doing things? Or should i have my guard up? Because right now my guard is up.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    I wouldnít say your guard needs to be up, Iím mean... you donít know the guy so it shouldnít be much effort at this point. If you donít agree with texting first itís your right, just move on to the next, youll save yourself the headache. I personally am not big on texting before meeting either and I used to state that, scared off some dudes, but why waste either of our time? There are girls who like extended texting first and those girls are those guys matches.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    The phrase he used "text and get to know each other" makes the person appear insecure and lacking in confidence. I wouldn't have bothered with a response like that. He should be calling you and arranging for a date within the week. There should be no need for texting. If you don't sense he's being real with you, do not respond.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    It's to be expected. Not to say I agree with it, but it is pretty typical.

    Personally, I might text briefly for one evening and then head it off at the pass and invite him to actually talk on the phone the next time. If he continues to text, tell him you are a little busy and ask if he'd be interested in a phone call and when.

    If he stalls, then I'd cut him lose.

    Just know that are a greater number of people on line that are looking for electronic entertainment that leads no where.
    You control how much of it you want to entertain.

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  6. #5
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    I would not meet anyone without a phone call. It was a fantastic screening tool. I didnít have a cell back then but I kept the contact before meeting to one or two phone calls a few emails and then we met within a week. I made one exception for an unusual situation. We ended up dating for three months but I would have met him within a week of first contact had it been possible.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Fudgie's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    I would not meet anyone without a phone call. It was a fantastic screening tool. I didnít have a cell back then but I kept the contact before meeting to one or two phone calls a few emails and then we met within a week. I made one exception for an unusual situation. We ended up dating for three months but I would have met him within a week of first contact had it been possible.
    Agree with this. I haven't done online dating in years now but I liked to make a quick call with someone before meeting up. Oh, and you should meet up quickly with someone once the phone call is made and you like what you hear. Endless texting is silly and a time-waster if you don't meet in person. You have no idea who is thumbing away at the screen on the other end and you could spend days building a "connection" that doesn't really come together in real life. So what is the point?

    Don't accept the endless texting. Ask for a phone call and then meet in person soon after that if the call goes well. Doesn't have to be a date, it could be coffee. If he balks, lose his number and delete his messages - he's either hiding something or not really that serious about dating. Don't waste your time.

  8. #7
    Silver Member MirrorKnight's Avatar
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    People are different.

    I befriended a girl I met on Tinder after. Once we became platonic friends we discussed why "we" never worked. Turns out I made incorrect assumptions based on her appearance and the very fact that she was on Tinder. I assumed (correctly) that she would have literally thousands of matches and I assumed (incorrectly) that she must be too busy being wined and dined by other guys to get around to me. Even though we exchanged a lot of messages, sometimes on deep topics, after two weeks and she declined my second invitation to hang out, I assumed she was just texting me for attention and gave up on her.

    Whilst we were texting, she thought we were getting to know each other, whereas I considered it laying the foundations for face to face meeting. When that face to face did not materialize, I regarded it as a lack of interest and priority from her end, whilst she interpreted my reduction in texting in the same way.

    Why is she so hesitant to meet guys face to face? She has social anxiety and is concerned that guys just want to sleep with her, so refuses to meet anyone until she gets to know them quite well. There is probably more to it than that, but she is not a particularly close friend and I didn't want to pry. (I know she is not some old man pretending to be a pretty girl btw, I have met her in person as a friend).

    Anyway my point is that whilst I am happy to meet a stranger off a dating app almost straight away because I value face to face interaction, some people might have quite a high bar for that first meeting, for whatever reason, valid or otherwise.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    I did the same as a few other posters. I liked to exchange a few e-mails, finding out about each other. If he asked for my number, a phone call often happened, not just texting, and then a date set up. If a guy kept e-mailing without asking for my number, I'd tell him what I wanted: I've found out a lot about you on e-mails. How about we chat on the phone?

    You could always ask for that if a guy kept texting you. And then after a phone call, if you don't get an invitation to meet within a week, walk away from Mr. text buddy/pen pal.

  10. #9
    Bronze Member LootieTootie's Avatar
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    He sounds like a promising pen pal.

    However I wouldn't be so quick to write a person off based on his "let's get to know each other thru text"... If nothing materialize to a meet and greet in a week, I would stop texting. Gotta make sure people are really who they say they are, you don't want to find out 3 months later your text buddy is a catfish.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Exactly. Texting is not dating. Set up a brief in-person meet. If he refuses, it's a red flag. Never let someone hook you into a phone relationship regardless of texting or calling.
    Originally Posted by Jetta
    Asking for phone number to "text and get to know each other". Isn't that what dating is for?

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