Can you become asexual through bad experiences?

[Wiseman2]

Good you are out there online and in real life finding ways to meet people. While generally being attractive, in shape, groomed, healthy etc are important, being too vain is easy to detect and generally a turn off. Life is more than the acquisition of new first dates. You may in fact be trying a bit too hard. In the long run, it's ok to be shallow but you'll only keep shallow people surrounding you and that means a lot of one-and-done guys.

What interests do you have? Have you tried taking courses or classes that are fun and/or involve learning something new? Do you volunteer? Do you belong to any groups or clubs that involve your interests or could introduce you to new ones? Think about becoming a more well rounded person before your next trip to the cosmetic surgeon or botox party.

Some of my friends are blonde, others brunette, all in our 30s and we get rejected. bumble and hinge are best.

[figureitout23]

Batya….you said...
I knew all about that three date rule many many years ago including in the late 1980s when I was in my early 20s and planning to wait till marriage.

I got married in 1986 for 20 years....at the age of 32...so maybe that's why i never heard it. And, to be honest, no one pulled that line on me....but i don't think it was a line, just an unspoken mindset. I'm sure my sister never knew her husband thought that way! But then again, he may have been blowing smoke.

I was just feeling like OP...burned out on the whole idea of meeting men. My last one...off and on for 6 years...i just pulled the plug for good 7 weeks ago. Still feeling the effects. And the fact that I'm gonna be 65 in Dec. is all having a very negative effect on me. (btw...he pursued me for 10 months. He became my best friend. No sex or kissing or nothing...for 10 months. The min. i did....he changed. Practically ran from the room and left me crying on the bed! so...this hot/cold weirdness for the last 6 years has taken a toll)

So i was commiserating. Her on the biological time clock thing.....me on my LIFE time clock....

Nope not true.

Had a guy not kiss me for 5 dates, I finally had to tell him to make a move, months later when I asked him why it took him so long he said because he didn’t want me to get the wrong impression of him.

I think the 3 date rule is an urban legend.

Men that rushed me, pretty much never panned out, not because they’re users or any of that, if sex is the focus you’ve got nothing else to fall back on 🤷🏾♀️

[Realitynut]

lol....wiseman....after i went and got my facelift in Costa Rica...I got nerve damage. My side of my mouth dropped down...looked like I had a stroke. It was awful. Was like that for 3.5 months until I got better. If I didn't smile...or talk...I looked good. REAL good. But unfortunately...I talk and smile a lot! Then...I got better! Yay. Came home from Florida. Was home ONE HOUR....and I did a faceplant into a garbage can that tipped over. Thought I broke my nose. Got 10 stitches in my forehead and skin off my nose. They wanted to do a skin transplant on my nose...I was so sick of the whole thing, I decline.

I said....that's what I get for being vain! lol. So now I have a big bumpy scar in the middle of my forehead! ( I had no surgery on my forehead...one thing that had no wrinkles or issues...) and a big raised scar on the bridge of my nose!

So vain. That really made me feel like sh*t. Spent all that money to lift my 'jowls' and WHAM!

At 65 you have to be a well rounded person...I agree. And sitting on the computer and eating...ain't doing it! hahaha

[Realitynut]

Nope not true.


I think the 3 date rule is an urban legend.

路♀️

To be honest.....I never heard of it, until My sis's husband told me. He said his adult boys felt the same. But like I said....maybe they're all trying to be 'macho'....his kids are that way! Then I heard of it on here....

They just thought the woman wasn't interested if in 3 dates. I can't imagine!!!!

[Realitynut]

Hi there! I'm really sorry you're having such a hard time. I agree it was a mindset and a line (it may have been 4 dates when I was dating!). That guy you mentioned sounds like he acted like a jerk and of course you deserve better. So weird that kind of switch.

I'm glad you can offer your empathy to the OP -it's tough out there!!

Thanks so much Batya!! I'm feeling pretty bad at this point. Low grade depression. But...i'm gonna snap out of it!!! lol

[Batya33]

Thanks so much Batya!! I'm feeling pretty bad at this point. Low grade depression. But...i'm gonna snap out of it!!! lol

Wishing you all the best!

[Reflective82]

I go to the gym but that’s about it in terms of interests. I’d be open to more but you know, I don’t know anyone who met through a random interest or group like that. I go skiing once a year and would LOVE to meet a guy that way. But I at most have a snog on these holidays. A girl can dream hey. Most people I know tend to meet through friends, work, online?

Yes, I do agree re the shallow thing and I am careful not to really come across this way to guys. Equally, as Batya and everyone I’m sure would admit, looks do matter and even more so online!! So I try and do the most I can....

[Reflective82]

Don’t punish yourself for “being vain”, you wanted a boost and you went for it! Nothing round with cosmetic surgery and I’m sure there is still an improvement. The scar will fade in time I’m sure x

[Batya33]

I go to the gym but that’s about it in terms of interests. I’d be open to more but you know, I don’t know anyone who met through a random interest or group like that. I go skiing once a year and would LOVE to meet a guy that way. But I at most have a snog on these holidays. A girl can dream hey. Most people I know tend to meet through friends, work, online?

Yes, I do agree re the shallow thing and I am careful not to really come across this way to guys. Equally, as Batya and everyone I’m sure would admit, looks do matter and even more so online!! So I try and do the most I can....

I have one friend who met her husband through dancing lessons (he was her instructor, she a former dancer and currently a professional in the corporate world), another through tennis, another through cycling (well technically Craigs List but she posted under cycling buddy), I met men through my volunteer work (one in particular pursued me but I had a boyfriend at the time). I know of several couples who met through community theater -mostly backstage work volunteering but also front stage. I know of couples who met through religious organizations and places of worship.

If you're not out there involved in activities (gym is a start) then you're decreasing your chances of meeting quality, like minded people IMO.