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Thread: Bereavement

  1. #1
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    Bereavement

    What do you do if in NC but ex calls/txts to tell you their Father has passed away and you're invited to the funeral?

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    "Invited"? What culture/religion is she? Who "invited you"? Usually deaths are simply notifications and people go to the wake, funeral, Shiva, or equivalents. It's not a party. Go if you want and/or send a card/flowers or whatever is appropriate to her culture. Totally up to you. If you see this as an excuse to reconcile, then just send something.
    Originally Posted by misterjister
    ex calls/txts to tell you their Father has passed away and you're invited to the funeral?

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    Sorry invited wasn't the best choice of word. Requested or "appreciated if you could come" , would've been better. My bad.

    i know i can't get answers here but imagine having always had a close relationship with Father in Law. just so confused about things -terible timing (i know there's never a good time to die). I'd feel terrible for not going and awkward for going, don't beat me up.

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Were you married or is this the long-term, long-distance gf? Go if you think it's something you want to do. Or if you can't see that happening send a condolence offering to the family. Those are your choices. Go or don't go. In either case acknowledge it with some sort of condolences.
    Originally Posted by misterjister
    i know i can't get answers here but imagine having always had a close relationship with Father in Law. I'd feel terrible for not going and awkward for going, don't beat me up.

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    11 years altogether. thanks Wiseman.

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    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    I would go to honor the memory of a man you cared about, and your presence is obviously wanted by your ex, so the breakup wasn't bitter, apparently. I think awkwardness is a lesser evil than feeling guilty and terrible.

    My ex husband invited me to his father's funeral. I thanked him but told him I'd just flown across the country to see my relatives and him, two months before he died, and was happy to have done that. I couldn't afford another trip that soon, but would have gone if it had been local.

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    If you broke up recently - in the past 6 months, I would go, sit in the back and when you get a moment, approach her mother and express your condolences. I would not necessarily go to the luncheon, though. I would not go as a comforter for your ex.

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    Were you close to the family?

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    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    This is very personal. It's up to you whether you feel it's a good idea to go to pay your respects and for your own sense of letting go/remembering this person. There's no wrong answer here. Just check in with yourself on your expectations and how you feel about your ex. If you think it's too much, you shouldn't feel obligated. I can't imagine someone finding fault with you for not feeling up to it. Just do what you think and feel is right for you.

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Given this info, do not go there. Send a card to the family if you want to.
    Originally Posted by misterjister
    I crumbled and unblocked and got to see pics ex and new bf with arms round each other and accompanying loved up status messages. But at least it's all public now

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