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Thread: Bereavement

  1. #11
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    It is hard when someone requests you come. But you have to do what is actually best for YOU.

    When it comes to funerals, you only get a brief time frame to do whatever it is your going to do. So I think you have to consider a couple things:

    1. If you are completely done with this relationship and his family?

    2. Do you want to go but worry about the implications to you ex?

    If you want the family to know you care but can't bear to go, send flowers or a card.

    The other thing I was thinking-- can you go to the funeral home (assuming it's at a funeral home) and just sign the book?

    That way you were there, but just didn't see anyone. I know that can seem a little backhanded. But funerals are busy for the immediate family and they could just assume they didn't see you. This could be a good choice if you don't know how you feel. it's documented you came, but you dont have to face anyone.

    You don't want to give false hope to your ex. unfortunately these things happen and let's face it, you are not together. that's what break ups and divorces are... they go on with their life and you go on with yours no exceptions- unless their are kids. Then you have to go. Sometimes these life defining things make us second guess our decisions but really they shouldn't.

    I think its a little selfish they asked you to come but their dad did just die, so no judgment there. When my ex's mom died, I didn't go. A mutual friend called to tell me. which she enjoyed doing a little too much. but that's another post. haha

    I looked at this way: funerals are about the people closest to the deceased. You go to support those people. I was no longer a person of support to my ex and he knew why I did not owe him that courtesy. So I felt no guilt. I never saw his family again so again, no guilt. that part of my life was over.

    Whatever you decide, decide for yourself and understand why you did what you did. in that way, you will always be comfortable with your choice.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Given this info, do not go there. Send a card to the family if you want to.
    oh wait.... i didnt know they are with someone else. just send a card. don't add drama to the situation....

  3. #13
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    I would send my condolences with a sincerely written sympathy card and flowers (floral bouquet) to your ex or his family (your ex's mother).

  4. #14
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    Will seeing her with her new boyfriend upset you?

    Don't imagine he won't be there. He probably will.

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  6. #15
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    Do not go.

  7. #16
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    Originally Posted by Lambert
    oh wait.... i didnt know they are with someone else. just send a card. don't add drama to the situation....
    I did not realize this. Send a nice card to the mother, for sure. But don't go.

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