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Thread: Sleeping around before becoming exclusive even after 2.5 months

  1. #11
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    You would be best to stop seeing him.

    You want something very different from this than he does. It's not going to become the relationship you were hoping for, OP, and your heart will be put through a blender for it.

  2. #12
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    You are a rebound. No future here!

    Don't get involved with people who are shortly out of a relationship.

    Why aren't you using condoms?

  3. #13
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    You are to him a substitute for his gf until he actually finds someone he wants to be in a relationship with.
    You know, someone to hang out with , have sex with , but when he is over his breakup , the time spent with you will become less and less until eventually not at all.

    That could be a few months to a few years , because while you are being there for him as a substitute, mentally and emotionally , he is not actually dealing with his break up.

    Why are you spending every other day with him?? 10 weeks since you met, you should only be seeing him once weekly.

    I bet he was the one to initiate meeting you more often , you mistakingly thinking he must really like you , you therefore spend more time with him and less time with friends, family, hobbies etc Am I right in saying that?

    His eagerness to meet you so often is because instead of grieving his breakup , he is avoiding it by using you to fill the void, which I’m sorry but you are willingly doing.

    Tell him that while you like him and would like to pursue an exclusive relationship with him , you are not interested in what he can offer you right now.
    Tell him that you no longer wish to see him at this point at that in a few months if he would like to see you , you will be ok with that IF you are single.
    Do NOT tell him you will wait for him.

    Wish him good luck and then remove him from social media.

    Good luck!!!

  4. #14
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    It means he may still be on/off with his bf and just picked you up at a party. He's interested in others and that's all you need to know to dump him.

    The way to handle this is to believe him and delete and block him. Get to a clinic/doctor for STD testing and use condoms for casual sex.
    Originally Posted by TiWi
    I asked him about our status and he said emotionally and mentally he is totally involved in me but physically he might get intimate with someone, though he hasn't yet. I'm also scared about STDs and also a heartbreak if he sleeps with someone else.
    Last edited by Wiseman2; 10-23-2019 at 08:33 AM.

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  6. #15
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    It means he may still be on/off with his gf and just picked you up at a party. He's interested in others and that's all you need to know to dump him.
    IMO it’s def off with the ex gf. If it was on/off for 10 weeks he wouldn’t be seeing the op every other day?

    I don’t think he is interested in others at this point. Just as he is not interested in the op, other than the distraction she is providing right now.

    I agree she needs to lose him , how do you suggest she goes about it?

  7. #16
    Silver Member MirrorKnight's Avatar
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    People keep missing that this post is in the "Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender" part of the forum. OP is a guy, his boyfriend is a guy, his boyfriend is talking about sleeping with other guys.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    It's not "if" he sleeps with others, it's when. Cut him off, it was a just hooking up. Next time have the exclusive talk before sex and use condoms.
    Originally Posted by TiWi
    but physically he might get intimate with someone, though he hasn't yet.
    I'm also scared about STDs and also a heartbreak if he sleeps with someone else.

  9. #18

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    Thanks a lot for your opinions. I tried asking a couple of my friends and their answers were no different.

    I again had a talk with him today and he said sorry for making me feel bad by saying whatever he said. He gave a reasoning of why he said that, because in his past recent relationship he wasnt sexually happy and he said if he goes through the same thing again he'll be heartbroken for life. I asked him that whatever sex experiment he wants to try he can try with me then what is the need of seeing others for sex, he had no answer. Also, he was receiving messages on tinder even during our date. I asked him why so much active on tinder, he said he had sex chats with people 2 weeks back but never met anyone. He said sorry for putting me in this state where he doesn't know the answers and still trying to heal from past breakup.
    He said he doesn't want to rush into something beautiful. He even said if he thinks of dating, I'm the only one for sure.

    He seems transperent and honest but at the same time confused. I'm in a dilemma, how to deal with this? Is it a right idea to leave him in this broken state even after knowing that he has recently gone through a breakup and knowing that I kind of like this guy and have fallen for him.

    Please help!

  10. #19
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    I think you're treating yourself like a doormat by offering to be his experiment-ee for his sexual experiments. He has no answer because your question makes no sense - he wants to have a variety of sexual partners. If he wanted to experiment with you he would have told you.
    Broken state? He's able to chat up potential sex partners on Tinder while he's with you and keeps the app on and he's telling you he's interested in having sex with other men. He's not broken - he's doing what he wants to do and he's doing just fine. The only confusion is why would you interact with a person who doesn't want what you want and why would you offer your body up for experimentation in such a desperate way? You're not leaving him in a broken state. You're declining to keep interacting with him because you two want different things.

  11. #20
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by TiWi
    I'm in a dilemma, how to deal with this?
    For all the confusion, I think the answer here is pretty simple. If everything he is telling you makes you thrilled to keep investing emotionally, then you keep investing. If, on the other hand, everything he is telling you makes you nervous, frightened, worried about getting hurt, then you divest.

    He was one week out of a relationship before meeting you. He is, at present, not at all interested in being in a committed, exclusive relationship—and he's being completely transparent about that, right down to fielding Tinder messages from others while talking to you. He is asking you to validate the place he's in right now, not telling you that he wants to leave that place in order to be with you.

    Your job, in dating, is not to mend the "brokenness" of another person. It's to meet a person who compliments who you are, where you are. He does not sound like he is remotely close to being able to do that. I know it hurts, and stings, but I think you will find much greater pain from investing in something that you already know hurts you.

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