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Thread: Boundaries

  1. #11
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    You are texting a guy you got in online contact with only one month out of a 6 year abusive relationship.

    Are you just really badly wanting to find a replacement man so you won't be "alone"?

  2. #12
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    You are texting a guy you got in online contact with only one month out of a 6 year abusive relationship.

    Are you just really badly wanting to find a replacement man so you won't be "alone"?
    I was just about to point that out.

    I avoided responding how I wanted in your last post out of respect for your healing and to not sound cold, but maybe you needed to hear it after all...

    Like thereís just so much wrong going on here I donít know where to start and it appears you truly donít even recognize how wrong it is... you actually think the only Ďissueí is he TEXTS you on days you tell him not to.... thatís like #37 of the things wrong right now...

    I donít know where you can even start, itís that bad, you have so much to unlearn.... I realize you donít want to keep getting into toxic relationships but itís literally your dating pool right now. Iím not saying that as an insult, Iím saying the only men who would date you in your current head space are those who well arenít all that emotionally healthy themselves...

    So your choices are, seek therapy and reset your thinking or continue on, knowing your relationships will often be... different...

  3. #13
    Silver Member MirrorKnight's Avatar
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    You are not ready to date. Others have already pointed out the "texting is not dating" issue, but beyond that, if there are days when you are so overwhelmed or whatever that you feel the need to cut off your partner completely, where even a "good morning" triggers you, you are clearly not in a healthy place personally, and you are not ready for a relationship.

    If you are using the "don't contact me today, I need space thing" as a sh1t test, then that is also rather manipulative and controlling. That said, the guy failed, it's not so much that he is not respecting your boundaries as he seems very needy and insecure... any guy with self-worth would have given up already. He hasn't even met you, to be so infatuated by a few pictures and some texts is rather unhealthy.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    In my opinion, if you can't date at a normal pace, then don't. You need to seek therapy, dispose of toxic emotional baggage, and learn to be happy solo before sharing your joy with a man. If a guy told me what you told the texter, I'd say, "No thanks."

    First of all, if someone doesn't ask to meet with you in person after two weeks, you're wasting your time and living in Fantasyland. Secondly, when you do meet, conversations should kept to light topics such as what types of food you like to eat, what types of movies you enjoy, and if you have pets, etc. If someone started in on their heavy psychological issues with me, and they were a mere stranger, he/she would remain a stranger because I'd be off looking elsewhere for a different companion I can enjoy time with, experiencing fun activities.

    I'm sorry you've suffered in your past. You will have to get professional help and address those issues so that you can attract, and be attracted to, mentally healthy people. Take care.

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  6. #15
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    Originally Posted by MirrorKnight
    You are not ready to date. Others have already pointed out the "texting is not dating" issue, but beyond that, if there are days when you are so overwhelmed or whatever that you feel the need to cut off your partner completely, where even a "good morning" triggers you, you are clearly not in a healthy place personally, and you are not ready for a relationship.
    All of this.

    None of the above is healthy, OP. Take time off from dating and heal. Now is clearly not the time for you to dip your toes back into romance.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    To add to my previous thread because while youíre no longer responding I hope youíre at least reading... you got caught up in this whole Ď I was in an abusive relationshipí thing and youíre kinda using it as deflection as you continue your own unhealthy habits. What I mean is it seems you let your ex take all the blame for the dysfunction which led you to not did anything on your end so youíre taking the same exact baggage along with you to your next relationship.

    Establishing boundaries isnít enforcing obscure and pointless rules and seeing if the guy will comply...

    I hope you open yourself up to learning what boundaries are how to establish healthy ones and how to recognize when someoneís establishing their own.

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