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I love him, but...


BlueScorpio

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For the past few months, I’ve been seeing my boyfriend. We were good friends for a long time (a year) before we started dating. He is the kindest, most thoughtful person I’ve ever met and I truly love him. He made a comment yesterday about our honeymoon already being paid for, so I know he loves me too. He’s the best thing to happen to me.

 

The sex is incredible and I enjoy it. Except for one thing. There’s never any foreplay. Not even fingers or nipple play or dirty talk. Nothing.

 

At first, I thought maybe it was because we were new to each other sexually and he felt awkward. I do things to get him hard—bjs, hand jobs, etc— but he rarely ever returns it. He basically just gets hard and goes right in. Sometimes, I don’t even have to do anything. He just goes right for the kill.

 

Lately, he’s been making comments like, “Well, I do like blow jobs...” when we’re getting ready to have sex. I’ve done it before and don’t need to be asked; I don’t mind doing it either but I never get the foreplay I’d like in return. Which just makes servicing him feel like a chore and almost unenjoyable. To be honest, for someone so generous outside of the bedroom, I think he’s being very selfish.

 

I’ve tried hinting, like when he tries to go in and I’m too dry from no warm up I’ll make a comment about how I need to be taken care of first. He’ll literally get hard and then try to put himself in and it’s really uncomfortable. I’ve told him that foreplay goes a long way. He never picks up on the hint or maybe just doesn’t care. Last night after yet another blow job request, I finally told him that it works both ways and that I enjoy getting head too. He said he was waiting for a “special day.” We proceeded with no foreplay for either of us.

 

I know he gave the last girl he was seeing oral action, so it’s not something he never does. (I only know this because of a conversation that we had when he was seeing her.) I’m sure nothing is wrong with my vagina because not only do I shower before sex and clean/shave myself well, but I’ve never had any complaints and past lovers have enjoyed going down on me.

 

I’m starting think something must be wrong with me, though. It’s really frustrating that the sex feels so one sided when it comes to that especially knowing that he did it before with someone he wasn’t even serious about. Like, why her and not me?

 

Don’t get me wrong, the sex is fantastic and he does make sure I finish. He’s good to me in every other way. I just don’t know how else to tell him that I need more than just thrusting action to get myself going and that foreplay is a two way street. I’ve actually ended up masterbating after he’s gone home. It’s fun but I’d rather that feeling be with him.

 

If this makes a difference, he’s only had two other serious girlfriends and a couple of “booty calls” in between. Oral sex lady was just a fling. I’m think that he’s not completely used to considering someone else’s sexual needs. Any advice, especially from you gentlemen, will be appreciated.

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Speak about it in more detail and be less generous about your 'servicing'. He seems hurried or like a certain type of sex turns him on (he's not able to think outside of a limited arena when it comes to being turned on). You may be onto something about his lack of experience. Simply stop the sex altogether if you do not feel good about the way things are going and if you're not ready.

 

You shouldn't feel bad doing whatever you want with your body with or without him. Learn to find a balance and find enjoyment in what you both share also. The greater your expectations fall short of him, the more frustrated you may become at the situation and this causes more damage in the long run. Just limit what doesn't feel good, period.

 

If most of your dates end up at your place, change things. Stop inviting him over as often and don't go over to his place as often. It sounds like the dates are getting stale and routine.

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He may be better as a friend and good at cliche lines about honeymoons, but it seems the quite recent transition to lovers seriously lacks communication. Stop have dry painful sex. Stop overstimulating him beforehand. Step way back from this guy and stop over-compensating. It sounds like you're both on the rebound or inexperienced and just very awkward in bed. Speak up and simply do not let entry happen when not ready. Stop hanging onto a guy with bjs..

For the past few months, I’ve been seeing my boyfriend. There’s never any foreplay. He just goes right for the kill.
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I’m starting think something must be wrong with me
Something IS wrong with you... you don't have to confidence to stop him from entering you when you are dry and have not been prepped for entry or orgasm.

Stop giving him blow jobs and instead, guide him with your own hand in finger play and when he's gone down on you after that, then and only then should you go down on him. Tell him softly and sexily what you need to proceed. If after that he's still the selfish porn-taught smasher, then dump him because his self absorbed bedroom antics gets old real fast.

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The key here is communication. If he is not getting the hints and it is becoming a big issue in your relationship, then it is time for a proper (but tactful) discussion. Help him understand that intimacy and sexual satisfaction is important for women too, and that he should be comfortable about sharing what he likes and what he does not like.

 

Be mindful that people are different, what may seem trivial and normal to you maybe a turnoff for some. I am Chinese, most Chinese girls do not shave down there, and they do not expect men to go down on them, so I don't have a lot of experience in that department. But I must say, as much as I appreciate a wet honey pot, I don't like licking it, even if the forest has been cleared. I don't find it sexy, but kind of yucky.

 

Of course that does not mean I am a selfish lover, I know that a lot of women cannot climax with only vaginal penetration, so you figure out what works and compromise.

 

I've been with a girl who can only climax when she is on top, she also actually dislikes any finger action (says she is too sensitive down there and it makes her sore), so I take my time with getting her in the mood through other means and always give her a turn on top so she is satisfied before I finish in a position I prefer. I've also been with somebody who liked to use toys, I did not let it bother me or make me feel inadequate (she was scared to bring it up at first) and we played together.

 

My point, people are different, communication and understanding is the key.

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