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Thread: Sister in law is making me look bad

  1. #1
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    Sister in law is making me look bad

    Hi, everyone
    My sister in law and I have known each other since she was in middle school (about 6 years) and always got along well. There were just two little things that bothered me a tiny bit: the first, that everytime she would come over small items would go missing and I would then find them in her room when I went to my inlaw's. I always let it slide becaude sadly I know my MIL is this way too and has always been, so my SIL sees it as normal. The other thing is that she still keeps in contact with my husband's ex going as far as telling me no when I asked to take her prom dress shopping so she could go with her instead. I realize she has the right to choose her friends, so I do not interfere with this.
    Anyway, things started going downhil after our wedding three months ago. It all got bad when one day they all came over to our house for dinner and she grabbed the vacum to start cleaning up. I took it from her hands and told her it was okay, I would clean up later. She ran to my husband's office upstairs and when I went up to hang out with them
    half an hour later she was sobbing and stormed out. Husband told me how upset she was by my behavior. I explained to him I was just trying to be polite but either way I went to look for her an apologized. She said it was okay and accepted the apology. I then explained to my MIL and BIL what was going on and they were graceful about it.
    Now three weeks have passed and she has become very rude. She will not aknowledge my presence and when my husband has asked her to come over she has very bitterly said "I am NOT going there" right in front of me. When it's time to leave and we're saying our goodbyes (for 6 years my inlaws and I have always said goodbye with warm hugs) she will hide from me and cling to my husband, burying her face in his chest as if I'm an evil witch or something. Everyone else has kept quiet about this, but I am getting tired. Holidays are coming and I don't want to feel uncomfortable either at my inlaw's or in my own house if they do decide to come over. And I don't feel the way she uses my husband is correct. She is 19 and not a child anymore.
    Btw, she was my bridesmaid and we have always incluided her in our activities (going to the gym, playing sports together). We used to take her out at least once a week and always paid for her expenses as she has never worked a day in her life. On her last birthday I bought her a fancy cake and she thanked my husband instead of me. Husband clarified that she should thank ME, and she did it very bitterly. I still have to drive her around sometines (she doesn't drive either) and, again, she will only thank her brother.
    Everytime she does something rude she hugs him and buries her face in his chest and will not let go for ages. He is very loving and would never pull away, but I feel that by him hugging her back he is sending the message that this behavior is okay.
    Any suggestions?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Are they a different culture or socioeconomic structure? Ask your new husband to do more and try not to invite them over as much. His sister can have whatever friends she wants, keep yourself out of his sister's business.

    Also stop crowding his family this much, you already seem not to respect them. Are they really stealing things from your home? Have you asked your husband about that?

    If you are already having problems, a few sessions with a marriage therapist may help bridge whatever cultural, or boundary or communication or expectations issues you seem to already have. Most of all get things in perspective and institute better boundaries.

  3. #3
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    I think your husband is a part of the problem. What has he done to resolve any of this?

    Stop driving her around and doing her favors.

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    What happened to Adam (the guy you claim to love)? You had an affair while engaged.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Is this an arranged marriage? Were you forced to go through with it by your family despite him beating you?

    Is the abusive man the one you married?: [Register to see the link]

  7. #6
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    Hi, Wiseman. What did you see in this post that woukd suggest to me not respecting them?
    My husband has lived with them for all his life (he is 28) and is very, very attached to his family. I, on the other habd, lived on my own since I was 17 (I'm 25 now). So he does try to spend as much time as possible with them and I support this as it is only a couple of times a week and we still have our own private time, dates and such.
    As for the stealing, yes, my MIL is open about it but looks at it as something funny. I have found makeup, perfume, clothes in my SIL's bedroom and even though I first believed it was my MIL she later bragged to me how she steal things from her friends. So yeah.

  8. #7
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    Is your husband still violent?

  9. #8
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    He is in Canada, now a college professor. I hope he is doibg well, but that's all the info I have. Btw, that post was about savibg my marriage and not about beibg in love with Adam.

  10. #9
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    Not an arranged marriage at all.

  11. #10
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    Hi, Hollyj. No, fortunately both our church group and counseling have been extremely helpful and he has never laid a hand on me again.

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