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Thread: Sister in law is making me look bad

  1. #11
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    Originally Posted by viv19
    Hi, Hollyj. No, fortunately both our church group and counseling have been extremely helpful and he has never laid a hand on me again.
    I'm glad to hear that.

  2. #12
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    Thank you:)

  3. #13
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    I think that your husband needs to step up to the plate and deal with the family.

    Don't drive that fool around anymore.

    She has not shown you any respect, and so you should not allow her to treat you like a doormat.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Go back for counseling. Also find your own friends and stop hanging around his sister this much. Is he aware his family are kleptomaniacs?
    Originally Posted by viv19
    fortunately both our church group and counseling have been extremely helpful and he has never laid a hand on me again.

  5.  

  6. #15
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    I talked to him about this last night, but I know from all the years I've known this family they re incapable if saying 'no' to her. She is the youngest and has gotten away with everything by crying. Her parents do not have any rules for her as she will just cry and they will give in. Same goes for my husband, he can't bear to see her cry.
    I know he's been trying to make it up to be being extra loving and taking me our, bringing flowers- but I seriously doubt he will say anything to her directly.
    I always thought the "kill them with kindness" tick worked, but I guess not. I will at least stop driving her around. Still, I have no way out of family gatherings or even Christmas gifts. We're warly shoppers and it is expected of me to buy her a gift :/

  7. #16
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    She's only 19. Her behaviour is childish and you may not get along but if you are truly wanting to work with what you've got and stay married, you're going to have to expand a little and think much bigger, I'm afraid. Your scope in your marriage should be including future plans and ideas far exceeding the existence of this 19 year old in your lives. Eventually she will grow up and grow out of the family and develop her own life, give or take 5-10 years. She won't be around in the next decade as much.

    Different people have different approaches but there's something bothering her deeply and I might be more prone to understanding her and mentoring her once she's willing to put down her differences. She's not going anywhere and neither should you if this marriage is what you want. Think bigger, as a bigger sister. Put your things away safely and don't leave them lying around. Lock your bedroom door if you need to or your closet with your valuables. Put some of it in a safety deposit box if you don't want them in the house.

    If she doesn't like your presence, limit your presence and stop trying so hard to get on her good side or include her in events with your friends. She'll warm up to you eventually if she feels you're worth someone getting to know. It doesn't sound like she trusts you and that's her prerogative. Don't get caught up in all this. Think smart, be kind. Stop lowering yourself to the level of someone this much younger or someone so young. You're indirectly competing with her. Stop that.

    There's nothing wrong with being a witch by the way. Just depends what kind.

  8. #17
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    We don't go to a psychologist anymore, but church group hasn't stopped. Also, I do have my own friends and space but Sunday is family day and that incluides my own mom and brother, we all hang out, go to the movies, go for lunch, whatever. It is a day I enjoy as well.

  9. #18
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    You do not need to be friends with her or hang out with her. Just pull back and treat her with respect, not like a child.. Do not get catty or jealous or "kill anyone with kindness". Be sincere instead and Find Your Own Friends To Hang Out With.

  10. #19
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    I love that: "there's nothing wrong with being a witch, just depends what kind"
    Thanks!

  11. #20
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    Wiseman2- thanks but I think you might not be reading the responses. I Do Hang Out With My Own Friends. It is just that for SIX years we have spent one day a week together and that is the same daymy family joins in.
    As for the rest, yes, I will treat her with respect and stay out of her way.

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