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Thread: 5 months post break up

  1. #1
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    5 months post break up

    Itís been 5 months since me and my ex ended a 4.5 year relationship. At this stage I am doing better than I was a few months ago! My motivation is back and Iím working out most days which has definitely improved my self esteem. I have pretty much given up all hope of her returning to me. She hasnít reached out or made any other attempts to reconcile. I am pretty sure she is still with the guy she left me for! So here I am back on dating apps seeing whatís out there again. It has been hard to not doubt myself at times. My question this morning is how do I let go of all the baggage in order to prosper in a new relationship?
    Last edited by Bro32; 10-22-2019 at 11:15 AM.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    I think you keep doing what you are doing, put one foot in front of the other and keep moving forward. It all takes time. Keep occupied with things and people you enjoy.

  3. #3
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    First off, good on you! Remain in NC and keep focusing on you! As far as any new relationship is concerned, take your time. When you go on dates keep the ex talk to a minimum and just have a good time. Your going to see that leaving the baggage of feelings associated with your ex will come naturally. It's inevitable that you will compare her to any girl you date, but you're also going to come to the realization that there are other girls out there worthy of you and your time, and that pedestal that your ex was once sitting high upon is/was not deserving of YOU. One day she may also come to that realization, but for now it's a moot point. In closing, the more you go on dates you will see the less, and less you will think of your ex. Stay strong bother!

  4. #4
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    Time.....it simply takes time. You can see for yourself that you are feeling different from how you did a month ago. You feel the difference, but you still have a ways to go before you are free of the residual of your last relationship. Be very careful trying to not force yourself to meet someone...all you would be doing is fill a void instead of enhancing your life with someone new.

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  6. #5
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    I once read an article that suggested it takes half the time that was spent in a failed relationship to fully get past the baggage. In your case that would be 2 years.

    I canít quote or refer to it as I canít remember where I read it but at the time it made sense to me.

    Which might suggest you wonít be ready to date anyone with serious or genuine intent for the next 18 months. But thatís ok . You can still date and enjoy dating in the meantime.

    But you will only truly have dropped the baggage when you have become indifferent to your ex , you no longer love , like nor hate her. And want nothing to do with her because of that indifference. You arenít there yet.

    It was only 8 weeks ago that you contacted her? And it was only 8 weeks ago that you asked how soon it is ok to add an ex back on social media.

    Thatís not indifference. Thatís just another phase of your grief , you are still grieving the loss but recognising that you are progressing with your grief.

    I would suggest spending more time engaging in social activities with friends and family over joining a dating site at this point.

    Good luck!!

  7. #6
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    Great advice! I have yet to go on a date! I feel like I might be a little more picky this time around. As far as NC in concerned I did break it twice! The first time I didnít get a response and the second time I got one response. That made me realize that she no longer wanted me in her life and that I have to stay away! I will admit that I do feel a little more pressure to find another girl because of my age! Iím 27 about to be 28 and I feel like Iím running out of time if that makes any sense.

  8. #7
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    Well said! I am not indifferent yet! She still lurks in my mind!

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Get a good profile/pics. Message all hopefuls. Chat a few times with hopefuls who respond to set up a convenient time/date to meet for a brief coffee/drink. Get your look fixed up. Hair, grooming, updated "date" clothes, etc.. Be upbeat. Do Not Mention Your Ex or Talk about your breakup.
    Originally Posted by Bro32
    I am back on dating apps seeing whatís out there again. how do I let go of all the baggage in order to prosper in a new relationship?

  10. #9
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    I have mentioned my ex a few times 💀

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Yep, kiss of death. 👻
    Originally Posted by Bro32
    I have mentioned my ex a few times 💀

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