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CanÂ’t have date night at home


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Hi,

 

I live in a 3 bedroom apartment with my wife of 5 years and her 13 yr old son.

 

Issue is my wife wonÂ’t have date night at home (which consists of a candle lit dinner and a glass of wine in the dinning room for about an 1 hour) whilst her son is home. Her brief reasoning is she is concerned about her son having to be in his room for the duration. At no point did ask or insist in away that we lock him away in his room. My gut feeling is it just does sit well with me.

 

Appreciate thoughts and or similar experiences.

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Seems like she might feel uncomfortable being romantic in front of her son, maybe even more because he is now a teenager.

For some people, including my own mother, it is hard to show romantic emotions in front of her children. My mom never once has kissed her husband of 16 years in front of me. One time I came into the living room and they were hugging (just a hug, nothing more) and she immediately pulled away. Another reason might be that she doesn't want her son to feel ''left out''. Would it be possible to go all together for lunch or something that involves him and after that have date night?

I truly get how this situation might be frustrating for you, but this stage at the beginning of teenage years does get very akward between parents and kids. Thankfully it is over fast. You might even miss your step son once he's gone, I know I miss my step dad now that I'm married (and still mom won't show any form of PDA in front of me -.-).

Good luck!

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Since he is 13 I would do the following - go out when he is in school or at an activity -it doesn't have to be for a meal - go out for a walk, a jog, or a coffee or glass of wine at a local place for an hour and hold hands, etc. I would think many 13 year olds can be on their own for an hour but I don't know of your situation. We talk privately and hang out almost every night while our ten year old son is sleeping -not a date at all but we do have privacy. I also happen to think it's good for kids to know their parents have a private relationship too, and for parents to be affectionate in front of their children.

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I get it, date nights are important as a couple, BUT it's awfully awkward to have a teenage son there in the next room....so it's not concerning, I would say it's normal to feel that way about it. He's 13, he must have a friend where he can have a sleep over, or at least hang out for the evening. Drop him and his buddy off at the movies or something.

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Why don’t you just arrange the sons friend have a buddy over for a sleep over and offer to order their fav food and snacks in for them.

In the meantime , cook a nice dinner for your wife, pour her a glass of wine and light a candle.

It’s pretty much guaranteed the boys will want to be playing computer games or whatever and won’t come near the adults for a few hrs never mind one.

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She believes that it would be rude for the two of you to make a fancy dinner in front of her son, then tell him that he needs to go elsewhere. And she’s right. Why are you incapable of scheduling a dinner together when son is with his father, grandparents, or at a friend’s house?

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You have to pick your battles and this is such a minor issue, since there are so many alternatives to romantic time alone. Have the candlelit dinner on your bed, with music playing in the background. It's not like you have a child in elementary school who would be knocking on the door every 5 seconds.

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Cooking dinner, cleaning up and hiding her son in his room doesn't sound like "date night". Sounds like you don't want her son around. It's not that she won't have it at home, it's that it's not different to the day to day drudgery except you want her kid to be locked up in his room. What are you thinking? Let him stay at grandma's, a friend, whatever and go out.

date night at home (which consists of a candle lit dinner and a glass of wine in the dinning room for about an 1 hour) whilst her son is home.
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Family is family. If her son is home, then you ALL sit together for dinner and talk about your day. If you want to have a romantic dinner with her, then take HER out, or do it when her son is not with you. If you want to have romantic dinners at home with her and not be bothered by anyone else in the family ... get a dog!

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...I mean....you can't really have a romantic dinner time with kids at home. How do you not understand that OP is what's puzzling here.

 

Either you do it when kiddo is out at grandparents, his dad's, sleepover at friend's house, etc., in other words not home for the night, or you take your wife out somewhere for a nice dinner. She is 100% correct that you can't ask her son to just sit in his room and exclude him from the dinner table, not to mention that there is literally nothing romantic about the whole idea.

 

If you are stuck on this idea of romance that hard, you really shouldn't be with a woman with children.

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Hi,

 

I live in a 3 bedroom apartment with my wife of 5 years and her 13 yr old son.

 

Issue is my wife wonÂ’t have date night at home (which consists of a candle lit dinner and a glass of wine in the dinning room for about an 1 hour) whilst her son is home. Her brief reasoning is she is concerned about her son having to be in his room for the duration. At no point did ask or insist in away that we lock him away in his room. My gut feeling is it just does sit well with me.

 

Appreciate thoughts and or similar experiences.

 

Seems to me your wife and you are misunderstanding each other. Don't jump to any conclusions and revisit this at a better time. The reasoning seems haphazard or haphazardly understood. I'm sorry to say that. It's a bit nonsense and makes no sense. I'm sure you'll be able to work it out reasonably and there are very simple solutions. Patience resolving this is a good idea.

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Perhaps what you think is "romantic", she thinks is selfish and cruel to her son? It's odd you can't come up with a better solution for date night such as the child staying with friends/family or getting a sitter and going out. So while you're sipping wine he's not allowed out of his room to use the bathroom? What are you two thinking? Wait until the child is with family friends for a night/weekend.

I live in a 3 bedroom apartment with my wife of 5 years and her 13 yr old son.

 

Issue is my wife won't have date night at home which consists of a candle lit dinner and a glass of wine in the dinning room for about an 1 hour whilst her son is home. Her brief reasoning is she is concerned about her son having to be in his room for the duration.

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Still seems kind of strange to me. I would not get excited about a romantic dinner if my son was home "hiding" :eek:

 

I just go back to those times with 13 yr old's wandering around the house. A simple dinner on the patio for one hour wouldn't even have registered on their radar.

 

She is married to this man. She should be able to prioritize her husband for a small period of time.

 

There is no banning children to their room or asking them to hide. It's not like he's 4.

He's likely playing video games with his friends anyway.

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I just go back to those times with 13 yr old's wandering around the house. A simple dinner on the patio for one hour wouldn't even have registered on their radar.

 

She is married to this man. She should be able to prioritize her husband for a small period of time.

 

There is no banning children to their room or asking them to hide. It's not like he's 4.

He's likely playing video games with his friends anyway.

 

OK, I'll agree to disagree! Actually, that makes a great point for the disagreement between OP and his wife!!! :friendly_wink:

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