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Thread: Outside information about my in-laws

  1. #1
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Outside information about my in-laws

    This weekend we were at my husbandís cousinís place. She told me in private that my husbandís parents were extremely emotionally abusive to my husband and his sister . That their house was a house of hell and she has no clue how they became good people . ( my sister-in-law ,well, thatís debatable)

    I knew he was badly emotionally abused ,but she alluded to the fact it was much worse than I thought not that he will ever say that , ever. He is extremely loyal to his parents. I think because he is terrified of them .

    Should I just keep mum about this info ?

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    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Yes, I think you should keep it to yourself. My hubby's sister told him that their father was extremely upset that their mother got pregnant with him and he's never been able to come to terms with the fact he was an accident. Why she told him that I'll never know but then again she's a bit of a dumb-A to begin with. She's much older than him and clearly remembers the huge cuffle the pregnancy news caused and the verbal abuse my father in law layed on my MIL (like she was the only one who was responsible) SMH.

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    Yes, I'd just keep quiet about it. Just add it to the knowledge you already have of your lovely husband, but there's no need to raise the issue of past abuse unless he wishes. It sounds as though his defence against the trauma was to bury it, and it would be very damaging to him if anyone else forced the issue before he was ready to do so for himself.

    Just let yourself know that he's even more wonderful and remarkable than you'd realised!

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    That's awful. I feel for him.

    Keep it to yourself. I think if he had wanted to share, he would have.

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  6. #5
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    I think he wants me to love his parents like he does. ( I canít ) I donít even think he realizes how bad it was because his dad made sure the family was socially isolated. I know for sure he was terrified of his dad, because he was on the receiving end of blame and put downs since he was a toddler.

    I know for sure they emotionally abused my son about 4 times which is why I tried to only have them with him with me present.

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    Originally Posted by ~Seraphim ~
    I think he wants me to love his parents like he does. ( I canít ) I donít even think he realizes how bad it was because his dad made sure the family was socially isolated. I know for sure he was terrified of his bad, because he was on the receiving end of blame and put downs since he was a toddler.

    I know for sure they emotionally abused my son about 4 times which is why I tried to only have them with him with me present.
    Love is complicated and he is allowed to love his parents because they are his parents. you can actually love someone and not like them very much. So allow him that without judgement. He may think your dad is a monster and not say that -- but allow you to be involved or not involved with your dad on your own terms

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    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Originally Posted by abitbroken
    Love is complicated and he is allowed to love his parents because they are his parents. you can actually love someone and not like them very much. So allow him that without judgement. He may think your dad is a monster and not say that -- but allow you to be involved or not involved with your dad on your own terms
    Oh he does think my dad is a monster for sure . He barely speaks to my father when we visit. My dad barely gets a grunt but I am told I need to be polite to his parents or I am insulting him.

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    Originally Posted by ~Seraphim ~
    Oh he does think my dad is a monster for sure . He barely speaks to my father when we visit. My dad barely gets a grunt but I am told I need to be polite to his parents or I am insulting him.
    Well, then be polite. Its the bare minimum. He is being polite to your dad by biting his tongue and showing up for the visit.

  10. #9
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Originally Posted by abitbroken
    Well, then be polite. Its the bare minimum. He is being polite to your dad by biting his tongue and showing up for the visit.
    I am polite. It is all I can manage to muster but he wants to LOOOOOVE them because they LOOOOOVE me which is a crock. They barely love him.

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    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    Is this person known to exaggerate? My SIL told whopper lies about me to anyone who would listen and some of them caused me a lot of grief. I have nothing to do with her now. So, this is why I wonder if you can believe what this cousin said.

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