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Does he like me? Does he like me not?


WAlien

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So there's this acquaintance that I've known for a few months in our group of friends and I wonder if he likes me.

 

Every time we're at an event, I catch him looking me at me and our eyes would meet. It feels like it happens a lot but he never makes a move. He has my phone number and we text sometimes, but it's short texts that don't seem to go anywhere.

 

However when we meet up, we would talk a little more and I would catch him looking at me.

 

I wonder if I'm just overthinking it and he does it to everyone. That or maybe he finds me attractive but not relationship material so he never makes a move.

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I think he likes being around you and likes texting you when he has time and feels like it but so far he does not have any interest in dating you because he hasn't asked you out on a date. I'd put him off your radar and don't engage in texting back and forth unless the texts are about him arranging a time to meet up for a date. I personally wouldn't ask him out in this situation but if you're comfortable doing that you can ask him out on a date.

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Just because a guy isn't asking you out or humping your leg, doesn't mean he isn't intereted. And just because a movie, a book or a guy on a forum tells you, 'if he like's you he'd be asking you', it doesn't mean that he will or that he doesn't like you.

 

If all men were like dogs, and if the only thing on their minds were to get laid, then perhaps, but it is just not that simple.

 

These days, guys need a little more than a pretty face to do the approaching, and it is no longer just the girls realm to sit around wandering if the other is actually interested. With the spectre of being rejected hanging over his head whenever he tries, a guy will often need more interest shown from women to make the approach. Sure, some guys will go through the process of getting used to the rejections while playing the numbers game and will eventually meet someone to go out with, but many guys just can't be bothered. No longer are we emotionless and uncaring, able to take it 'like a man' and get rejected.

 

Perhaps give him more of an incentive to approach you, or even approach him to get the ball rolling. If that isn't you thing, then forget him and just sit around waiting the dwindling few to come over to you and make this move you are desiring.

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I'm not sure if the possibility has crossed your mind that he's not relationship material (not you).

 

If you're doing everything right, keeping it friendly, lighthearted and fun and you've smiled at him whenever you see him and he's just not getting the point, I'd either tell him yourself and ask him out or move on. Don't stay stuck here in limbo.

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I agree with both Keyman and Rose. A lot of men these days need more than just a few returned texts that are just generalized answers to questions and a cute smile when your eyes meet. You have to be willing to put some of the work in too. Some of the responsibility falls on the women these days, especially with movements like metoo, men no longer know what is acceptable to ask a woman out on a date. My son has often spoken to me about this when he meets someone he is interested in. He is genuinely afraid to ask a woman out anymore.

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Just because a guy isn't asking you out or humping your leg, doesn't mean he isn't intereted. And just because a movie, a book or a guy on a forum tells you, 'if he like's you he'd be asking you', it doesn't mean that he will or that he doesn't like you.

 

If all men were like dogs, and if the only thing on their minds were to get laid, then perhaps, but it is just not that simple.

 

These days, guys need a little more than a pretty face to do the approaching, and it is no longer just the girls realm to sit around wandering if the other is actually interested. With the spectre of being rejected hanging over his head whenever he tries, a guy will often need more interest shown from women to make the approach. Sure, some guys will go through the process of getting used to the rejections while playing the numbers game and will eventually meet someone to go out with, but many guys just can't be bothered. No longer are we emotionless and uncaring, able to take it 'like a man' and get rejected.

 

Perhaps give him more of an incentive to approach you, or even approach him to get the ball rolling. If that isn't you thing, then forget him and just sit around waiting the dwindling few to come over to you and make this move you are desiring.

 

I think he knows she is interested because she makes eye contact. He might not like to date within this social circle. He might like her and not be interested in dating her or available to date her. I asked a number of men out way back and was fine with the "rejection" - and would have done it more often if it had been an effective way to find a long term relationship and not just a date or fling. I don't think it has to do with "these days" - there's always been a risk of a "no" if someone is asked out. My husband was so very shy in his 20s when he first asked me out -took him months - and he decided the risk was worth it. As do many many men even very very shy men.

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Ok stop the nonsense text chitchat. Unless you want him to think you are friendzoning him or jerking him around. Are you simply curious for your own sake if he likes you or do you actually want to date this guy? Unless this is grade school where awkward teens just stare and giggle and text you need to decide what you want. To date him or not.

we text sometimes, but it's short texts that don't seem to go anywhere. However when we meet up, we would talk a little more and I would catch him looking at me. maybe he finds me attractive but not relationship material
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The only way you know he's making eye contact is that you are making eye contact to see him doing that. It's a stare down royal rumble. And the only way you would keep a tally is that you are interested in him. If you want to sit back, and never approach, then you were born in the wrong generation. Those passive days of wasn't-really-interested-in-case-he-isn't-interested loopholes are gone for women. Just scan through this section of the forum to see the number of guys analyzing "eye contact" but doing nothing.

 

Texting isn't always the best as the only communication. If your opinion is that you always want a guy to approach or your ego can't take any type of invitation decline, then this isn't the guy for you. Move on.

 

Otherwise, you already have his contact info, you apparently go to the same events, you can suggest meeting at one of them. Or suggest that is always too crowded or busy at the events so there's never a chance to talk, meeting to grab a coffee would be great. If he agrees, nice. If he doesn't agree or stalls, then you still have an answer.

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Hey guys

 

Thanks so much for all the good advice!

 

I should've clarified this in the original post

 

1. Yes I do like him a lot

2. I've conveyed my interest and suggested doing something but he didn't pick up on it. There have been times when he mentioned he's doing something that sounds like an invitation and I was too dumb to realise until after the fact

3. I'm a pretty shy woman so it's hard for me to ask someone straight out. I'm working on it! And I think he's pretty shy too

4. We're both in our late 20s and have had a bit of baggage in our last relationship

5. I just found out he's moving to another state many hours away very soon

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It can be painfully awkward for two shy people to get together, so I disagree with the simple "if he is interested he would have asked you out already" assessment.

 

That said, I am also not saying that he is definitely into you. People are different, I've met shy girls who steal a glance, blush and look away, when they are interested in somebody, and would never initiate contact, which can be misinterpreted as disinterest. I have also met girls who practically behave like a girlfriend, when they have no interest in the guy. I'm sure guys are the same.

 

5. I just found out he's moving to another state many hours away very soon

 

I'm afraid this changes everything. Not saying that long distance definitely cannot work, but you certainly should not try to start a relationship long distance.

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Ok then let it go and consider it friendly banter. It's best not to pursue uninterested people. Now you're free to get serious about dating again and put effort into it.

I've conveyed my interest and suggested doing something but he didn't pick up on it. I just found out he's moving to another state many hours away very soon
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It can be painfully awkward for two shy people to get together, so I disagree with the simple "if he is interested he would have asked you out already" assessment.

 

That said, I am also not saying that he is definitely into you. People are different, I've met shy girls who steal a glance, blush and look away, when they are interested in somebody, and would never initiate contact, which can be misinterpreted as disinterest. I have also met girls who practically behave like a girlfriend, when they have no interest in the guy. I'm sure guys are the same.

 

 

 

I'm afraid this changes everything. Not saying that long distance definitely cannot work, but you certainly should not try to start a relationship long distance.

 

Yes it's hard to be shy and date -my husband can attest to that from the past as he was painfully shy especially around women. Certainly if a woman is comfortable dating someone who is so shy that even after a woman shows interest he will not ask her to lunch or something casual, etc(especially these days with texting/emailing -in the mid 1990s my future husband had to call me on my work phone to ask me to lunch) -then that woman would be a good match for that man because that woman would be comfortable doing most of the asking out, initiating dates, etc. Some people like that - sometimes because there's more of a sense of control or being the initiator is a turn on in some way. For most women it doesn't work well if the shyness is that extreme that the man won't respond to a woman showing interest by asking her to hang out, have a date, have ice cream. And, in many cases I was asked out by really shy men after showing no interest (my husband says I did show interest, I didn't think I was on that particular day lol). People move towards pleasure and away from pain - they do really awkward things, really hard things, if the benefits outweigh the risks. I've had to do those things many many times including in dating.

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