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Thread: Broken up but still in daily contact

  1. #11
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    Thank you for all your messages.in still also greiving thd loss of my dad so my mind is in a really bad place. One minute its dad, then its back to thd relationship breakdown. Im still in the home we shared together which probably does not help but cantvadford to move. She is happy for me to stay in there. She now rents.
    Im a bit of a phychological mess lol
    This site is a god send as im quite a private person so find it hard to discuss in person so yes im hiding behind a keyboard lol

  2. #12
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    Any advice pls. I'm really struggling here. Do exs ever change there mind and want you back? I cant a life without here. I'm 46 yes old and know this sounds sad and pathetic but its true.
    Advice gratefully received

  3. #13
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    Feel for you OP but it's best to keep contact to a minimum and only about your children, the youngest of who is nearly an adult anyway. Don't hang around for her. Sounds like she's met someone else.

    Look after yourself first and foremost. Do not wait for her, do not yearn for her, do not be her doormat.

  4. #14
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    Thanks have you been in the same situation? How did you cope? I just cant stand the thought of her meeting someone else and I cant ever imagine me with someone else. Feel like I'm loosing my mind

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  6. #15
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    Well, i think we've all been in the same situation as you at some point, me personally minus the children.

    You just have to let go and accept it's over. Easier said than done i know. Allow yourself time to grieve the end of the relationship and then start to move on with your life. It's the old cliche stuff, catch up with old frends, make new friends, get a new hobby etc etc. There's no magic cure for heartbreak, it takes time for sure but you will be ok in the end.

    I would unfriend/unfollow on any social media. Just keep to texting/calls about your daughters. I know your oldest is 21 and your youngest 16 i believe you said so just sort any arrangements you need to for her about visitation and fair financial contributions etc first of all.

    If i was you i would not date anyone else either for at least 6 months while you come to temrs with this but that's just my advice.

  7. #16
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    Originally Posted by Darcus30
    . Do exs ever change there mind and want you back?
    Sometimes, but in my case when it happened, it didn't last. And that was after a long break, and a lot of water under the bridge on both sides.

    Your best option, unfortunately, is to accept that it will not happen, and proceed accordingly. (See ninjabib's post).

    If she does ever come back, you want to be the best version of yourself you can, and then you get to decide whether to accept her, or not.

    Like you I had a break-up last year, and a month later my mother passed away. My doctor told me you do the grief processes in tandem.

    It sucks, but you lose a lot of weight, so that's something.

  8. #17
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    Thanks folks as always. I really would have struggled if not for you advising, helps to know not alone.
    Quick update I'm afraid.
    As I said she is now in her own rented house with eldest daughter who stays at her mates all the time (youngest with me) . Long story short she has the house to her self all the time. She is 44 but has started acting like a 20 yr old again going clubbing with new set of friend etc pre drinks at hers then back to hers later. Just sounds like a midlife crisis, could all this (even her leaving me) be down to the menopause?
    Been a year now and I'm still handing on what is wrong with me?
    Still not told my family yet as lost my dad a year ago and mum struggling- dont want to tip her over the edge.
    Then I keep imagining her with someone else. Feel like I'm going mad
    Surely I should be over it by now

    Thanks in advance

  9. #18
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    Sounds like she's just trying to move on with her life. You should do the same. Go out on a weekend once a while. When your ex has your 16yesr old then you should be meeting up with friends etc to enjoy your solo time.

  10. #19
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    I'm living in the house we are still oint mortgaged on. She is happy for me to stay there. I find it difficult af time looking at things we have brought together during happy times.
    Why would she call me every day?
    So miss her but I make sure I never initiate the calls or messages.

  11. #20
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    ok for what it's worth, she kinda has you were she wants you.

    you: in the old house, holding down the fort, wallowing, questioning, stuck in the past.

    her: new pad, new friends, no real ties to the past. it's fun fun fun till her daddy takes the tbird away.

    you need to flip the script and take back your own life. a mid forties man with almost grown kids- the world is your oyster. don't worry about dating... just start being better to yourself...

    stop talking to her daily.... don't respond right away and continue to let time grow between responses. you do need to talk kids wise but your kids aren't babies. they can call you themselves.

    start cleaning out the house. you can't financially let it go? ok. but all those memories are both of yours.... tell her you are making some changes and what out of the house does she want?

    it's been a year. she's doing her. now time for you to do you.... and it starts by cleaning out all that crap.

    ps. never blame menopause. are you a gynecologist? no. you have no idea what you are talking about. yes. you are a gynecologist? so what. talk to us when you have a uterus.. :) I say this in jest but am somewhat serious. the menopause card sounds condescending as all hell.... and you won't make any friends with that.

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