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Thread: Angry at me for being voice of reason

  1. #11

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    Update: she just told me sheís leaving me. My fears realized. I canít stop crying.

    I will be deleting this later tonight for privacy reasons but thought I would share with you folks who listened.

    Iím just devastated. I canít stop thinking if I stopped to get coffee or drove slower, the whole situation wouldnít have happened and this wouldnít have happened. I donít know what to do now

  2. #12
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    If she had one foot out the door, anything you might have done (coffee, driving slower etc) wouldn't have made a difference. There are clearly some serious issues in the marriage, perhaps a lot more serious than you anticipated. I'm sorry this is happening. Find a lawyer and make sure you take care of yourself. There's a time out for editing threads. If you want to delete this later message a moderator and they will decide how to go about your request but generally threads are not deleted. If you can I would go back and delete the content in your posts by editing them and removing the text if you still able to.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Ttpj
    Update: she just told me sheís leaving me. My fears realized. I canít stop crying.

    I will be deleting this later tonight for privacy reasons but thought I would share with you folks who listened.

    Iím just devastated. I canít stop thinking if I stopped to get coffee or drove slower, the whole situation wouldnít have happened and this wouldnít have happened. I donít know what to do now
    I guess this is why you haven't answered any of the questions I posed as to how your relationship has been in general because it hasn't been great apparently. Clearly she has had an inkling to leave way before this incident. This situation was just the straw that broke the camel's back it appears. If you stopped to get coffee and you avoided those children likely all that would have done is delayed the inevitable.

    I'm sorry it's come to this but time to get yourself to the bank and make it so she can't walk off with all the joint finances and then see a lawyer about your rights and obligations. If you can't get to the bank right now then go online and change the password by hitting the "forgot my password" function and getting a reset code emailed to you.

  4. #14
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    If I had to guess, your relationship has been full of drama for a long time, with you tiptoeing on eggshells around her.

    I would also guess you had an idea prior to this that she wanted out of the marriage. It was odd to me that you jumped to that conclusion so quickly, so I had to assume you already had reason to believe it was over for her.

    Call a lawyer and your bank.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    She sounds like she has serious issues..sorry but she does.

    These are kids. No, it's not okay what they did, but nor is attacking kids and ending up with an assault charge or worse, in jail.
    How she reacted was senseless and even dangerous.
    You did the right thing in stopping her. She sounds like she needs some kind of counselling and anger management.

    Just read your update. She's using this incident as an excuse to end the marriage. It must have been on her mind for a long time now. You don't leave a partner you love over something
    like this.
    But to be honest, it's her that has very bad issues going on, not you.

    I'm sorry you're going through this, OP. I hope somehow it can be fixed but unless she gets the help she needs, it won't be.
    Last edited by SherrySher; 10-20-2019 at 04:56 AM.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear this. Was she injured? Did you go to an ER? She overreacted when it would have been best to call the police and report the vandalism as well as go to an ER and have her checked out. Unfortunately there was no one with the voice of reason in this situation, except preventing more violence on top of vandalism and her injury.

    On another note her violent temper seems to be an unaddressed issue. This incident seems like more of a symptom of bigger problems between you two. You need to stop over explaining this and talking at her. Let her cool off then make an appt with a marriage therapist to address what is really underlying all this..

    She's not going to leave you over a group of vandals. She's going to leave you because things have been brewing for quite some time.
    Originally Posted by Ttpj
    Unfortunately, we were walking by and one of these rocks hits my wife on the side of her neck. We didnít even get to play softball. She screamed at me for defending the kids and ďtaking their side.Ē Weíve been married 6 years and while she has some anger issues, Iíve never seen her this angry at me. I explained my rationale but that seemed to make things worse.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Ttpj
    Update: she just told me sheís leaving me. My fears realized. I canít stop crying.

    I will be deleting this later tonight for privacy reasons but thought I would share with you folks who listened.

    Iím just devastated. I canít stop thinking if I stopped to get coffee or drove slower, the whole situation wouldnít have happened and this wouldnít have happened. I donít know what to do now
    I'm sorry to hear this.

    I'll echo the others in that I wouldn't isolate this incident as the sole cause for her seemingly impromptu decision. I don't know you, and beyond this incident and your very vague description, I don't know your marriage. None of this is to exonerate you from introspection. Do your best to secure your finances and get representation. I however wouldn't underplay the significance of the incident. In pretty much any context, and in particular this one, it takes a very mentally unhinged individual to grab a weapon and charge at young adolescents. Insofar as a capacity to threaten or in fact very possibly inflict violence unto children is concerned, that's a character trait, not a marriage issue.

    If she's serious about her decision, expect her anger issues to fully translate into the divorce proceedings. Should she return and you still desire to work things out with this ticking time bomb of an individual, marriage counseling for the both of you and anger management for her should be a must.

  9. #18
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    I agree with all the others that her decision is not based on this incident and I bet her reaction had less to do with the kids/her injury and more to do with bottled up anger and tension and she snapped -which is NOT right on her part at all! - but I think this was the last straw/these kids were the scapegoat. i'm glad she wasn't injured and I'm glad the kids weren't harmed -if they had intended to hurt your wife then certainly there should have been repercussions -not self help but a call to 911 maybe so they couldn't hurt anyone else.

  10. #19
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    Just putting this out there but her behaviour is not normal. I think she needs an assessment done. She has mental illness, PTSD, a possible brain tumour to explain this aggressive behaviour and irrational thought process.There is something going on, and it has nothing to do with your decision to step in to avoid a disaster. My gosh she would have been arrested and a possible lawsuit. I hope she gets help.

  11. #20
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    Actually, if someone has a problem with reigning in irrational anger, then sure, they could leave you for something that offends them. Even if it is children she wanted to hit with a bat.

    Get a lawyer and protect your finances. She may drain them all off.

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