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Thread: Need outside opinions!

  1. #1

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    Need outside opinions!

    Me & my significant other are currently going through some things that are veryyy complicated! .. to make it sort of simple.. We were having disagreements & arguments like no other for the past 2 weeks straight.. the arguments stems from him turning down my advances for sex .. again! at first it was the "I'm tired from work" "I'm to stressed out" to a blatent "I just don't want to" & him not wanting to do any bonding activities (it's fair season) so.. I can admit I have been giving him a hard time because I was frustrated. Things ended up getting physical. & I broke his windshield :( It was my fault , offered to pay for damages but he says "we're okay , I forgive you" sounds like good news right? (Under the circumstances) nope! so he then decided basically that since the relationship went left we can be friends until things get back right.. but the Break is not mutual.. & his reasoning for not wanting the relationship seems like things we can work on from within & he just doesn't agree.. I'm at a crossroads sort of because I love him so much but I feel as if he's trying to leave the door cracked open ya know? Or like you know how you can bond with a car but without the title it's pointless? That's how I feel.. I may be processing it wrong but what do you guys think ?

  2. #2
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    What are you working on to find more adult ways to react to frustration? I think hes ok with the financial aspect of the windshield which is very generous on his part and hes not ok with your decision to destroy his property and sees it as a dealbreaker as far as being ok with stating involved with you. Two separate issues. What would you advise a friend in his situation ?

  3. #3
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    .... how do you break his windshield?

    Raising an argument to this extreme because he doesn't want to have sex? Roles reversed, you'd get a forum lynching around these parts, and rightfully so. That's not to say I'm going to invest much time and effort in doing so, but yeah... that's pretty safely a point of no return.

    I don't think he's trying to leave the door cracked open. I think he's acknowledging the reality you're a violent person fully willing and able to damage his property (if not his person as well, though you didn't detail whether that was the case). A lot of people put together a more calculated exit strategy in light of such a situation.

    You gotta leave the guy alone. And really look into anger management / clinical therapy.

  4. #4

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    you guys are literally missing the point I am making. EVEN with me breaking the windshield he says he still wants to be with me & to work on the relationship but it sounds contradictory. & I am going to therapy so you guys can exclude that from your comments....

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  6. #5

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    It's like if your going to take the band aid off rip it off instead of a slow peel..I understand what I did was wrong but if he's gonna end things just go ahead instead of drawing it out

  7. #6
    Gold Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
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    How do you figure that he still wants to be with you? He said he wanted to be friends until further notice. I take that to mean that he needs time to think about whether or not he wants all the drama that you produce in his life.

    I think you should give him some alone time to sort it all out.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member itsallgrand's Avatar
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    Yeah, it sounds like he is trying to exit the relationship but is walking softly so as to prevent any further escalation.

  9. #8
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    Originally Posted by kay21
    you guys are literally missing the point I am making. EVEN with me breaking the windshield he says he still wants to be with me & to work on the relationship but it sounds contradictory. & I am going to therapy so you guys can exclude that from your comments....
    With all due respect I think you are missing the point. What he says is one thing -he's probably worried about saying anything too definitive because of your violent tendencies - and what's he's doing shows he wants out. Let him be out - he's the victim here so you don't get to choose how he chooses to avoid being around you.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by itsallgrand
    Yeah, it sounds like he is trying to exit the relationship but is walking softly so as to prevent any further escalation.
    This.

    I had a woman lose the plot with me once, who got violent. Honestly, it was frightening, borderline traumatic. Felt like a deer in the headlights, for more than a minute. I had no interest in anything to do with her after that, but I also had interest in not seeing her lose the plot again. Looked for the soft path to the exit, found it.

    I think he's doing the same, and I can't blame him. He sees you as a drama tornado, capable of very real destruction, and he's just looking for shelter. "It's okay, no worries, we can be friends," are the words of a man stepping backwards and trying not to step on too many eggshells on the way to the concrete bunker.

    Let this go. Explore it in therapy. The bandaid has come off, exposing that you are capable of reactions that have no place in your, or anyone's, life. Treat that wound. It's the one that needs your care.

  11. #10

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    thank you so much for this advice it was so blunt yet very helpful.. unlike the rest of the comments. & yes I get it I truly do I guess by him just saying that he wants to work on things made it seem like there was hope moving forward but I understand now.

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