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Thread: Should I break off the engagement ?

  1. #51
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    He's an alcoholic and unless and until he hits rock bottom, he isnt seriously going to do anything about it. You made a smart move going home to your parents. Please dont have anything more to do with him unless he can get sober and STAY sober. Alcoholics make the worst partners. I had an alcoholic friend in my life who I had to stop associating with as he made my life miserable.

    Maybe this guy will go to AA, it may be his only hope.

  2. #52
    So... I am married and used to drink alot. My wife never mentioned my drinking early on. When we married I stopped going out with friends and rarely had friends over because I had a stepdaughter and a wife and other things to do other than get drunk. I had way more fun taking my stepdaughter fishing than I did being out at the bar...

    I have started drinking more again over the years but I rarely get drunk. I like to have a beer post run and after work... But my wife has begun to criticize my drinking. If I were to stop then she would simply criticize me for something else much like she did when I wasnt drinking so I do not bother heeding her criticism. When I was away from the home for work for a year I spent hours in the gym or on the trail running. My body fat was 7% and I was very muscular... she had an affair with her flabby ex bf who was leaving his wife home with the kids every weekend night to go to the bar... She criticized my lifestyle during that time period stating it was no way to live... When her bf makes drinking with friends a priority over his family its ok because its him. When I have a couple of beers after the kid to bed and retire to the couch to watch her watch tv its an issue. I did not read anything that proves he is an alcoholic... only that he is doing something that you do not like. Maybe you are leaving out details or I missed something but from my own experience it is possibility that maybe his drinking is less an issue than the fact that you need an excuse to break things off with him. Either way I hope for his sake that you do...

  3. #53
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Llm... here is a great testament to run as far from this man as possible, note the contempt and defensiveness in this post.:
    Originally Posted by Notverygreat
    I am married and used to drink alot.
    I have started drinking more again over the years but I rarely get drunk.
    When I have a couple of beers after the kid to bed and retire to the couch to watch her watch tv its an issue.

  4. #54
    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Llm... here is a great testament to run as far from this man as possible, note the contempt and defensiveness in this post.:
    Contempt yes... especially for white knight losers. Defensiveness... no. I should not have to defend my choices as I am healthy, safe, and provide for my family and thats my point. Like I said maybe I am missing details here but if he is driving drunk then his drinking is a problem, if it is affecting his health it is a problem, if it is affecting his career it is a problem, if he has to be cut off by the bartender because he is so hammered it is a problem... if none of that is the case than maybe the problem is with you and not him.

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  6. #55
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    My grandfather didn't miss a single day of work in 40 years and provided financially for his family of 6.

    He was an alcoholic. His drinking made his family miserable.

  7. #56

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    Originally Posted by Notverygreat
    Contempt yes... especially for white knight losers. Defensiveness... no. I should not have to defend my choices as I am healthy, safe, and provide for my family and thats my point. Like I said maybe I am missing details here but if he is driving drunk then his drinking is a problem, if it is affecting his health it is a problem, if it is affecting his career it is a problem, if he has to be cut off by the bartender because he is so hammered it is a problem... if none of that is the case than maybe the problem is with you and not him.
    If you donít come home, and pass out somewhere after you told your fiancť you were leaving in five minutes, it is a problem.

    If you say youíre going out for one drink at 10pm and donít come home until 3am, it is a problem.

    If you sleep until noon the day after you got drunk, it is a problem because itís taking time away from things we could do together. Things we canít do during the week because we are to busy working.

    Oh yes, a few years back he did have some health problems with his heart and circulation where he was in the hospital for a week. No doctors knew what caused it.

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