My boyfriend (now ex) broke up with me today after I accused him of cheating

[Maria89]

My now ex and I had been dating for about five months. Last Saturday I found a condom in one of his bags (we don’t use condoms) right before an event and I got really upset. My plan was to calmly ask him why he had a condom, but during the event he saw right through me and knew something was wrong. We stepped out for a minute and I told him I found the condom and then I burst into tears. I didn’t directly accuse him of cheating I just told him I had found it and I got upset. He explained to me why he had it and I thought all was good between us then I noticed this whole week that he was somewhat distant with me I tried brushing it off at first, but I knew in my gut something was wrong. I asked him a couple and he assured me there was nothing wrong.

Today I was getting ready to head out to an important event and he called me, basically told me that we weren’t a good fit because he didn’t like how I’ve accused him of cheating...twice. Didn’t like that I had these insecurities. Before that he told me he had been struggling about what to do about us and I asked him if he wanted to continue in this relationship and work things out or break up. He chose the latter obviously.

This tore me up especially because he is not one to just call up and tell me over the phone when something is wrong. He is the type of man that when something serious is going on he will tell you in person.

I really want to fight for this relationship because he is an incredible man, but I don’t know how to approach it...

[LikeWater]

What was his explanation as to why he had the condom if you two didn't use them? Did you have any other legitimate reasons to suspect cheating? You said you've accused him twice. I need to know more about your dynamics together to help you better.

If you really want to reconcile and don't believe he was cheating then your best option is to give him space and time to miss you. If the relationship is important to him he may reconsider in time. But there's no way to make him.

But honestly, this relationship kinda sounds like it might be best put in the past. Either you're overbearingly insecure to the point he'd had enough or he left you because the other girl was less drama, less stress.

[MissCanuck]

You can't fight for a relationship when one person has already stepped out of the ring.

How did he explain having a condom in his bag?

[ninjabib]

Personally if my partner accused me of cheating with no valid grounds too I would end the relationship before things got worse.

It's a relatively new relationship so he probably thought easier to nip it in the bud now rather than down the line. He sees you 2 as incompatible.

You've already said you accepted his reason so I'd suggest you take some time to work on your insecurities before entering the next relationship. Good luck.

[Honeycomb8]

Why did he have a condom? :///

Noone deserves to be broken up over the phone. That's not cool. :/

[Wiseman2]

Did you have the exclusive talk? After dating 20 weeks you've accused him of cheating... Twice? Why are you going through his bags? It sounds like you were cheated on before and have some baggage from the past or general insecurities in this dating situation. If you need to rifle through his things because you think he's cheating, then this is not "an incredible man".

Let it go. You are not suited for each other. There is nothing to '"fight for". Understandably he wants it over, as it should be. Maybe he's seeing others, maybe he isn't. Either way there is way too much distrust and drama after only 20 weeks of dating.

he called me, basically told me that we weren’t a good fit because he didn’t like how I’ve accused him of cheating...twice. Didn’t like that I had these insecurities. Before that he told me he had been struggling about what to do about us and I asked him if he wanted to continue in this relationship and work things out or break up. He chose the latter obviously.

[Batya33]

I think this was a last straw situation. He doesn't feel trusted (and sure there's a possibility he was cheating but he gave you a reason as to why he had condoms -in my experience men sometimes keep them from previous relationships in a bag they used back then, etc.).
I think he already wasn't feeling like you two were compatible and this pushed it over the edge.

[ninjabib]

I think this was a last straw situation. He doesn't feel trusted (and sure there's a possibility he was cheating but he gave you a reason as to why he had condoms -in my experience men sometimes keep them from previous relationships in a bag they used back then, etc.).
I think he already wasn't feeling like you two were compatible and this pushed it over the edge.

Yup, i've had this myself, they have just been stored away and forgotten and then all hell breaks lose and i'm accussed of cheating. No fun and not a good sign of things to come.

[figureitout23]

Am I think only one a little off put by the no use of condoms after 5 months and cheating accusations?

Must just be me.

I can’t tell if he genuinely got fed up, got caught so decided to go with the other girl, or is manipulating you by using breaking up as a threat, I honestly think it could be any three and after 5 months, I just don’t think all this is really worth your sanity.

If you truly want him back though, as another poster pointed out distance will be your best bet. Let him think through everything and come to you.

Good luck.

[abitbroken]

Honestly, i think having a condom in his bag would be a good thing - that he is deciding to not rely on your word that you are on the pill. Honestly, you should not be relying on it solely either.

Also, if its an overnight bag, it could have been in there from long ago.

if you said something jokingly, pooled the condom out with a smile and said "hey, who's going to be the lucky girl" and was lighthearted it would be waaay different than if you approached him in tears before you even knew anything. The truth would come out either way, but in the first instance, if it was truly because he hadn't used that bag in a long time or because he was trying to find the time to tell you he wanted to use extra protection, it would have prompted the conversation.