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My boyfriend (now ex) broke up with me today after I accused him of cheating


Maria89

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My now ex and I had been dating for about five months. Last Saturday I found a condom in one of his bags (we don’t use condoms) right before an event and I got really upset. My plan was to calmly ask him why he had a condom, but during the event he saw right through me and knew something was wrong. We stepped out for a minute and I told him I found the condom and then I burst into tears. I didn’t directly accuse him of cheating I just told him I had found it and I got upset. He explained to me why he had it and I thought all was good between us then I noticed this whole week that he was somewhat distant with me I tried brushing it off at first, but I knew in my gut something was wrong. I asked him a couple and he assured me there was nothing wrong.

 

Today I was getting ready to head out to an important event and he called me, basically told me that we weren’t a good fit because he didn’t like how I’ve accused him of cheating...twice. Didn’t like that I had these insecurities. Before that he told me he had been struggling about what to do about us and I asked him if he wanted to continue in this relationship and work things out or break up. He chose the latter obviously.

 

This tore me up especially because he is not one to just call up and tell me over the phone when something is wrong. He is the type of man that when something serious is going on he will tell you in person.

 

I really want to fight for this relationship because he is an incredible man, but I don’t know how to approach it...

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What was his explanation as to why he had the condom if you two didn't use them? Did you have any other legitimate reasons to suspect cheating? You said you've accused him twice. I need to know more about your dynamics together to help you better.

 

If you really want to reconcile and don't believe he was cheating then your best option is to give him space and time to miss you. If the relationship is important to him he may reconsider in time. But there's no way to make him.

 

But honestly, this relationship kinda sounds like it might be best put in the past. Either you're overbearingly insecure to the point he'd had enough or he left you because the other girl was less drama, less stress.

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Personally if my partner accused me of cheating with no valid grounds too I would end the relationship before things got worse.

 

It's a relatively new relationship so he probably thought easier to nip it in the bud now rather than down the line. He sees you 2 as incompatible.

 

You've already said you accepted his reason so I'd suggest you take some time to work on your insecurities before entering the next relationship. Good luck.

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Did you have the exclusive talk? After dating 20 weeks you've accused him of cheating... Twice? Why are you going through his bags? It sounds like you were cheated on before and have some baggage from the past or general insecurities in this dating situation. If you need to rifle through his things because you think he's cheating, then this is not "an incredible man".

 

Let it go. You are not suited for each other. There is nothing to '"fight for". Understandably he wants it over, as it should be. Maybe he's seeing others, maybe he isn't. Either way there is way too much distrust and drama after only 20 weeks of dating.

he called me, basically told me that we weren’t a good fit because he didn’t like how I’ve accused him of cheating...twice. Didn’t like that I had these insecurities. Before that he told me he had been struggling about what to do about us and I asked him if he wanted to continue in this relationship and work things out or break up. He chose the latter obviously.
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I think this was a last straw situation. He doesn't feel trusted (and sure there's a possibility he was cheating but he gave you a reason as to why he had condoms -in my experience men sometimes keep them from previous relationships in a bag they used back then, etc.).

I think he already wasn't feeling like you two were compatible and this pushed it over the edge.

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I think this was a last straw situation. He doesn't feel trusted (and sure there's a possibility he was cheating but he gave you a reason as to why he had condoms -in my experience men sometimes keep them from previous relationships in a bag they used back then, etc.).

I think he already wasn't feeling like you two were compatible and this pushed it over the edge.

 

Yup, i've had this myself, they have just been stored away and forgotten and then all hell breaks lose and i'm accussed of cheating. No fun and not a good sign of things to come.

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Am I think only one a little off put by the no use of condoms after 5 months and cheating accusations?

 

Must just be me.

 

I can’t tell if he genuinely got fed up, got caught so decided to go with the other girl, or is manipulating you by using breaking up as a threat, I honestly think it could be any three and after 5 months, I just don’t think all this is really worth your sanity.

 

If you truly want him back though, as another poster pointed out distance will be your best bet. Let him think through everything and come to you.

 

Good luck.

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Honestly, i think having a condom in his bag would be a good thing - that he is deciding to not rely on your word that you are on the pill. Honestly, you should not be relying on it solely either.

 

Also, if its an overnight bag, it could have been in there from long ago.

 

if you said something jokingly, pooled the condom out with a smile and said "hey, who's going to be the lucky girl" and was lighthearted it would be waaay different than if you approached him in tears before you even knew anything. The truth would come out either way, but in the first instance, if it was truly because he hadn't used that bag in a long time or because he was trying to find the time to tell you he wanted to use extra protection, it would have prompted the conversation.

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I think if you reacted this way, there are some underlying trust issues in the relationship which may need examining. In a healthy relationship where there is trust, these scenarios may surface, however the conversation would be carried out in a more level-headed fashion on both sides. For now, he wants space. Respect him enough to give him that. If he comes around then great. Try to reflect on what may have led to this emotional outburst.

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Now that it's been a couple days I've had time to reflect. It made me realize that he acted extremely defensive; for someone who claimed to have not been hiding anything, it sure seems like he was, acting the way he did. If the shoe were in the other foot and I had a condom in my bag he would've flipped, but I wouldn't have broken up with him. Again, we don't all think the same way.

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I had something similar. Someone I was seeing for about 3 months. Picked him up from the airport and he stayed the night at my house rather than going home. He did a load of laundry and left for work in the morning.

 

A day or so later I find an unused condom in the bottom of my washing machine. I asked him about it and he said it must have fallen out of his shaving kit. Plausible? Yes? But in hindsight I didn't really feel secure in that relationship at that time. Call it intuition. I had no choice but to let it go. Let it go and pay closer attention.

 

End of story, he had met someone on his trip.

The truth played itself out eventually without me having to ask any questions.

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1. Assuring you it's okay then dropping a bomb is far from a "good man" it's cheap shot and I as a man can understand other sex does it I'm not in their shoes but this is no no in my "man book".

 

2. Breaking up from a phone? ...

 

3.You didnt tell us what was his explanation. He's escaping and is extremely defensive. I'm a man and I don't care if my girl does a check on me from time to time cause she's also a human being that has insecurities and if that happens it's time to talk, seriously, not just escaping ... my hunch tells me he played this too suspiciously. Anyways if he's bothered with that he should have just explained the condom and then tell you that he won't tolerate this anymore. For love you need tolerance, what I've tolerated for love in my life this is nothing.

 

Point: if your partner is insecure about you and u love him, then make more securities less insecurities. You even told me. I told my gf also that plenty of beyotches ed me up but instead making me more secure she was testing that security. Now we have this big going on not solving and we are in kind of limbo cause all of that .

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Okay I spent last 15 minutes trying really hard to put myself in situation where my girlfriend feels insecure cause she found condoms and it's live we don't use them. She cried a bit, was a bit hectic and accused me. I can't put myself in position of breaking up, I just can't it's stupid af. I know we are all different but it's plane and simple stupid. These things happens and will happen even if people are insecure. In fact it's HEALTHY sign you care. This is not something acute and extreme. Nowadays it's hard to trust, even if you know person for years, we are not so dependable on each other and peoaple can be scum ...Even if you had fallouts and some insecurity problems still it does not approve this. How will he survive in this life if he is ready to run when something like this pop ups? In fact this is NOTHING when compared to REAL problems. HE should be there to somehow GUIDE his girl trough troubles if that makes any sense. I may sound too traditional, but believe me some things never change and man and woman will always have their differences so lesson is - time to be a man in relationship. Did you check if maybe he has vagina down there? I sniff one of those "semi-liberal" guys who are all dandy and princess while they do all sorts of and then they use any of their "liberal" politics to weasel out of things that are simple but yet complicated for their shenanigans.

 

Idiot should have used those asap on you lol instead of doing drama. Explain and then have sex.

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The best thing to do would be to let it go now. At first I thought you found a used condom but I'm getting the idea it was unopened. Let this go. In the big picture, it's not so bad. He practices safe sex (hopefully). That's a good thing for you. He's called it off so keep focusing on your own life and meet new people.

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Part where he assures her "everything is okay" and then drops a bomb, and it sucked even more cause he dropped it when she had some important to do is escaping my mind.

 

Why would you say something is okay if it's evidently not. Why wait few days to deliver the death blow? Did he just trying to think how to prepare her for that? Phone breakup is what he came up with? I can understand he's an idiot like that cause I felt that on my own skin so people like that exist but come on ...

 

1. he's not girl, and girls emotions are usually more complex then males which usually makes girls "confused"

2. Condoms is what spices the whole thing up cause basically HE IS MAKING A BIG DEAL OUT OF NOTHING.

 

I hope he's just immature , indecisive and something in those lines ... I respect that you love the man and want to be with him I want that for you but as female can speak about female from experience I have a right to say that his role of what would for me be normal male behavior - he sucks. Don't be fleeing bro we just dont run, dont be opscure ... when we had to hunt zebras n then we had no time to be such bit**s. uh

 

She cannot just let go because she LOVES him. She said so ...

But she needs to see that this is not something that should trigger a breakup and needs to be resolved.

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So. Women are easily confused due to their complex emotions?

 

I can easily describe what I'm thinking and I can provide real life arguments probably could find some scientific ones also.

 

Basically, if you look at how emotions and rationale is handled in ones brain, woman's brain could have been seen as a big bowl of interconnected strings. Every experience subconcious or concious is somehow connected, ergo effects other parts which in return inevitably effects decisions made.

 

Male brain can be described more like garage full of boxes, conciously or subconciously experiences will be sorted and categorized and decision making will be affected in order of affairs depending on which box or boxes is currently active.

 

That's why in general we tend to think woman emotions are more complex. It's not some urban legend, it's the truth.

 

Sadly, this biological gift girls got backfires more and more. I think society and culture have a lot to do with it. Even tho' it seems we are so strong on forcing "man be a woman and woman be a man" thing, it's sadly not based on partnership but on some sadistic point scoring who "can do better". Dating scene was never so broken.

 

Females, like it or not are basically "wired" to be "hunted" or "chased" and males are basically "wired" to do the chasing. But, as gender roles are changing, things that are wired in us cannot be achieved, cannot be fully crystallized.

 

Guy who had these kind of ty excuses and did drama over his girls drama 50 years ago would be looked upon as an ass, loser, nip cause that's just not the way to behave with someone who's your friend and also your girl.

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