Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 5 1234 ... LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 44

Thread: Am I not seeing the sense in this situation?

  1. #1
    Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2019
    Posts
    12

    Am I not seeing the sense in this situation?

    My girlfriend / soon to be fiancé said to me that I'm crazy and has been shouting at me and calling me names regarding this situation, which I believe is really nothing, but to her, it's a massive deal. I just don't understand why?

    So I used to be a music producer until I got dropped from my record label 5 years ago, and since then, I lost my touch with music due to confidence reason after being dropped. I've been practising again for the last couple months and I'm finally happy that I've achieved a song production that I can say is back to my standards. It took a while to get there and I'm pretty damn happy with it.

    I was in the car with my girlfriend yesterday evening and I was pretty hyped about the track and asked if I could play it in the car. I connected my bluetooth and pumped the track out. It was amazing. She liked some parts, but didn't like others and suggested I implement some violin elements to go with the hard beat. Cool, I like critique, it's the only way I get better. But this isn't the problem.

    As she was driving me back home, I started humming / beatboxing my track because I was super vibing and excited by it. I was properly in my element and super proud of my achievement. She started talking and I continued to beatbox. I was literally so involved with creative ideas that I couldn't physically stop humming my track. Then she starting shouting at me and calling me rude.

    She said that I'm not a normal human being and that any normal person who is on this planet wouldn't do that. She called me an arse hole and all sorts. This completely ruined my creativeness and I stopped to say sorry and that I was simply enjoying myself and I was completely listening to her. I proved this by reciting to her exactly what she said to me. But this still wasn't good enough. She wore me down and down and down. I usually blow her a kiss when I get out of the car, but by this point, all the life felt like it was sucked out of me and I just walked off. I did however text her to see if she got home safely, but she didn't see the message till 9:55 the next morning. I did call her, but again, she told me "are you joking", "it's rude"...

    ((SIDE NOTE: EARLIER IN THE DAY)
    She forget beforehand that it was only 4 hours ago that she assumed I was elsewhere and completely exploded at me and calling me a liar. Then I proved I was at my local groceries as I took pictures and sent it to her. She thought I was with my friend who's nan just died, but he lives 2 hours away. I said to her that I "speaking to" my friend". I didn't say "seeing" my friend. She got it completely wrong. Shouted at me over the phone and told me not to bother seeing her. Sent her all the time stamped text messages to my mate and everything, but she still wasn't having any of it. She then realised how wrong she was and offered me no apology. I asked her why she isn't apologising after the abuse she hurled at me, and she basically said "because I wont". She then asked me why I left home early to get to the shop and explained I had to or the shisha supplies shop would close. She then said "well then messages should be about flavours as discussed... A couple more text exchanged and I simply said "I'm coming down, see you soon." She said "you're forgetting who's in control here" "you need my permission to come into my house"... Then I text again saying "see you soon xXx". She text me back saying "I'm on my way home now xXx", and then had a great night.)

    ...I addressed this in the afternoon today and I said "You're progressively getting meaner and meaner to me xXx". "Why ain't you talking to me? xXx". "You micro controlled me yesterday while I was excited about my song and humming even though I was listening (to you). I should be pissed with with YOU, not the other way around. You have no excuse xXx". "And for the record, I'm not pissed off, I just want the micro controlling to cool down. It's wearing me out xXx".

    The eventually text me "Sorry, I'm with my sister xXx"

    She called me on her way home from her sisters and I was confident in the fact that she had moved on.. She did however say after I was trying to still get across that I was merely excited and enjoying myself and that she always knocks me when I'm down. I said that it's like whenever I get happy, you don't like it and you want me to be sad. She then said "I don't want to hear another word".

    Makes me so upset because she's allowed to get her voice across and I HAVE to listen, but then when I wan't to say something, "NOT ANOTHER WORD" or "You're a " or "not a normal person" or "insert some other phrase here".

    Later in the day over text, she finally addressed my micro controlling message with this; "And with this. You truly need to get a GRIP xXx". I responded with "You ended it in the car (phone call back from her sisters), so you need to get a grip shhhhhh xXx. She responded with; "You were rude as hell doing that when I was talking to you and I won't hear another word of it". "Don't push it Ells (my nickname)". "Make the right choice here."

    I responded "Really, 'I won't hear another word of it...' Does that not sound micro controlling and rude... I'm not a dog xXx". She replied 'It will not end well".

    In the end she told me to "flick off", which is clearly an autocorrect for another word. I said "Ok, I'll flick off" and finally she responded with "I'll speak to you tomorrow. Don't contact me before. I'm fuming right now because no one can be as clueless as you are and not even trying to understand sensibility. It's disgusting".

    She called me at 2am asking if I called her home phone. I said no, I don't even have that number. Had a nice convo with her. Asked if she had a nice time at her sister this evening. All was well. Then this topic arose again... I still can't understand that anything that I did was wrong. Maybe I am wrong? I apologised all the same and I said I'm sorry that what I did hurt you. I even said to her that I didn't give her a hard time over her accusing me of nonsense and swearing at me about it, so why should she... I almost started crying down the phone because it's absolutely wearing me out and I want to know once and for all...

    Am I in the wrong? Am I so bad and horrible and disgusting and a "" and and "arsehole" and "not normal" for me being super excited over my new song and humming it in the car while she was talking as I believed I was vibing with her?

    I don't get what I've done so wrong. I let so much of what she does slip and I hardly ever give her a hard time.

    I even questioned this evening "when was the last time you praised me". She replied "I praised you over the song"... I said "that's a song, thats not me... You never praise me, you always put me down". She swore at me several times. Didn't want to know that she hurts me.. Told me to research "is humming when someone is talking rude", despite the context in which I was humming... Then hung up the phone.

    As a thing to look at, I googled that term and surprisingly, nothing came up.

    Please help me with this. It's confusing and I'm at a loss.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    21,565
    How often does this happen?

  3. #3
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Posts
    12,264
    You two fight a lot.

    Did she end up taking the job?

  4. #4
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    21,565
    You gf is a real b*tch! She is emotionally abusive and you allow it! You have become a total doormat.

    This will get worse-if that is possible-and I suggest that you end this nightmare of a relationship and find someone who loves and respects you. She does not.

  5.  

  6. #5
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2015
    Location
    Somewhere Out There
    Age
    37
    Posts
    1,768
    Gender
    Female
    Yikes!

    She sounds like a nightmare!

    Life is too short to be putting up with this toxic environment she’s created for you both to live in.

    The good news is, you don’t have to live in it anymore.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2017
    Posts
    4,609
    Is there a reason you choose to stay with someone you call selfish, rude, inconsiderate, all your words.

    I’m not seeing this meek guy you’re trying to portray. You seem very much like you have a voice and opinion, and it’s not one of care and admiration of a girlfriend who’s mistreating you, again your words are sharp and they have some bite to them, can’t imagine you sit quietly and get berated.

    Are you truly seeking help or are you venting.

    You have a right to do either, but clarify your goal. As another poster pointed out this is your second post on the subject of arguing with your girlfriend, you seem to go back once the dust settles, again your prerogative.

    What one says about their partner when they’re angry and frustrated isn’t always reality, and again plenty of barbs coming from you so I doubt your hands are clean.

    This isn’t a healthy way of communicating, work together, improve, or break up, those are really the only solutions.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    Posts
    9,288
    I can't fathom why you tolerate any of this.

    She sounds like she's looking for a way out of the relationship anyway, so I'd stay one step ahead and just end it. My guess is that your relationship is full of similar drama, which is no way to live.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Clio's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Posts
    2,532
    Gender
    Female
    It sounds like you keep pushing each other's buttons. The communication pattern you describe sounds toxic and you are both contributing to it. Imo, you need to attend couple's therapy to figure out where it's all coming from and fix it or break up. Whatever you do, do not get married and DO NOT have children with her unless you have addressed and fixed this toxic communication pattern you have described. It takes two to tango. She sounds awful but then again you choose to stay on and humor her controlling behaviour and whims. You are a willing participant in all this malarkey. Why? I got emotionally exhausted by just reading your dialogues.

  10. #9
    Gold Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2016
    Location
    Land of Wind & Ghosts
    Posts
    1,354
    How long have you been dating? Breakups happen in stages - and you may be headed that way unless you can turn this around - one of those stages is the person starting arguments for no apparent reason. For some reason, her love level is dropping. You may have taken her for granted in one of these areas: romance, affection, trust, or respect. I will say that it's romantic for women if you listen to them when they talk. Still, that's no excuse for her to act like a wild banshee. Start dating her like you did in the beginning.

    There is another outside chance that this is just who she is, a negative or crazy person, and sometimes this comes out after dating for awhile, when you get to know them and their true colors come out.

  11. #10
    Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2019
    Posts
    12
    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    You two fight a lot.

    Did she end up taking the job?
    She didn't get the job. I do feel for her as she wants something soon, but on the same merit, I am relieved.

    Originally Posted by figureitout23
    Are you truly seeking help or are you venting.
    I'm actually trying to see if I'm going mad. We do totally know how to push each others buttons, but she picks the most stupid, tiniest little things to fly off the handle. I can't be bothered with the drama. I hate the drama... She has a habit of starting things and I always look like the bad guy for ending things heavy-handedly. In recent times however, I've learned to cool right down and I don't shout anymore, I don't rise to the occasion. If she needs space, hey presto she's got it.

    I'm just trying to figure out if I'm going mad or that what she says about this specific situation has weight on her side. I did barely did anything to exasperate the situation for a rise. I've tried to address this so many times. Every-time she does something wrong, it's ok, but when I do something wrong, I'm the worst person in the world.

    She actually knows about me posting this and on this occasion, it's as cut and dry as what I'm saying.
    She made sure I sought advice online this time. As she said "if it comes back that your'e not mad, then we view life differently and need to split up". I'm like what?

Page 1 of 5 1234 ... LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •