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Thread: Am I not seeing the sense in this situation?

  1. #31
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Please quote it, cause I don’t see it.

    None of these dramatics are even making sense.

    You are describing your girlfriend as a Disney villain.

    If that’s the case, which I doubt but since you won’t lay off I’ll humor you, if that’s the case...

    FOR THE LOVE OF GOD BREAK UP.

  2. #32
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    I apologize you are absolutely correct you did mention on the first page that you wrote on this forum because your girlfriend told you

    Originally Posted by qwertyscream
    She actually knows about me posting this and on this occasion, it's as cut and dry as what I'm saying.
    She made sure I sought advice online this time. As she said "if it comes back that your'e not mad, then we view life differently and need to split up". I'm like what?
    I don’t know how I missed it since it’s just so over the top.

    Like I said the dramatics are so ridiculously over the top it’s hard to believe.

    Why would you as a grown man humor her with such a request?

    This is honesty a serious question.

  3. #33
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    I just find it odd (and puzzling ) that people who claim to love one another treat each other this way.

  4. #34
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Not to mention if she’s the aggressor and you know she was reading all along and threatened to break up over this why would you be so very negative about the situation? Would you not be more constructive with your words knowing she would see them?

    Or do you feel you had to be negative so people would side with you so she wouldn’t break up with you?

    Again these are all honest questions.

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  6. #35
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    I just find it odd (and puzzling ) that people who claim to love one another treat each other this way.
    That's basically my inner-monologue, reading this.

    Here's my generous view: the thing that is good about you guys is also what makes everything unworkable, and you will be free when you admit this— namely, how long you've known each other and when you met. College. That's where the sizzle was born, and so, 15 years later, you guys don't know any other way to cultivate sizzle save for juvenilia. You are grown adults acting like 18-year-olds, both frustrated by this, yet unable to stop it because it's baked into the code of you plus her.

    Without the very thing neither of you can stand, there is not enough, because the thing you can't stand is the fuel. You can't stand each other, if my calculator is correct, exactly 4.8 times more than you can stand each other.

    Personal story, for what it's worth: I flirted, ever so briefly—I'm talking less than a week—with getting back together with an ex from a decade or so earlier. We had a messy thing, but neither of us are monsters. Stayed friendly—same orbits—but with lots of distance. Like, we had coffee twice in a decade. Both single, we played with the spark. We're older now, established, blah blah. Alas: within 48 hours we could feel ourselves sliding back into our 20s, pantomiming that toxic stuff. We called it, laughed, that was that. There was heat to what was hot back then—but we were too old to put ourselves inside a nuclear reactor. Her very wise words: "If I'm going to act like a fool, I at least want it to be with someone new." Amen.

    You two? I'm sorry, but you are full on Chernobyl meltdown. You can blame her, she can blame you, you can come up with amazing little figures of speech that hint at "adult" communication while being the opposite—like "micro controlling," which made my day—but none of that removes the toxicity or staunches its flow. Think of yourselves like a chemistry experiment—which is kind of what romance is—and the results are in. The beakers are shattered, the lab is on fire, and the chemists are burning up in it.

    If you have any genuine hope to see if it will change, I'd say it means a mutual commitment to two years of weekly therapy, individual and together, and then, 730 days later, you take the temperature. Not one day before. And even then, if I was a betting man? I'd wager more on you not working, or being right where you are today, more than I'd bet you end up sipping mai-tais under the rainbow waiting for the beat to drop.

    I wish I wasn't writing that. I'm a romantic! But this is not romance. It's a teen drama playing out between adults who, if my math is right, can sniff the big 4-0 on the horizon. Think very carefully about who you want to be when that bell tolls, because it will be ringing sooner than you know.

  7. #36
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    I have no idea why the thread went on a tangent about what post the op’s gf read.
    Clearly it was this one.
    Ironic though!!

    Regardless , the opinions seem to remain the same.

    Neither you the OP nor the gf is right or the winner of this argument.
    But what’s important to you both is to be right.
    Relationships don’t work that way.

    Neither of you are right and neither of you are willing to compromise.

    Therefore you need to part ways.

    Neither is a winner nor loser.
    Just fighting a battle that’s not worth it.

    You will hopefully both find compatible partners and hopefully both find better ways to communicate.

    Best of luck to you both!!

    PS. Block each other.

  8. #37
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    So you are directing her to this thread to attempt to solve your feud? Shouldn't you two be able to talk to each other civilly? If not, this sounds more like a divorce when you're not even married replete with needing outside judgement to decide who's right/who's wrong in your ongoing feud. This is a power struggle, not a relationship.
    Originally Posted by qwertyscream
    I said I’ll take it to a forum as I couldn’t find anything on google and she said “if it turns out I’m wrong (her), we are finished”, basically. The result would then be taken into her hands. If people agreed with me, she’d leave as “we are on a different wavelength”.

  9. #38
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    I think I'm gonna have to wave the flag and admit that you're all correct. It's all fair judgment and I don't believe she's reading this anymore, but from the way this evenings conversation went, I don't think I want to be with her anymore. I made a comment that I hate the way she self sabotages with talks of getting a nose job, face lift, jaw shaving and so on.. I said its abuse and you're the most beautiful being on this planet... She took it as me being "judgemental" and I'm all the names under the sun again...

    She then deletes my Whatsapp messages before reading any (no blue ticks) but then she types back to me and makes sure I read her messages. I then type a few and my very last message that I sent said "I can guarantee one thing... You'll have your voice heard, but you'd have deleted my messages back", guess what, it went blue. The rest of them before remained grey... I was right.

    She likes her voice heard and if she's ok, then all is ok, but if the other person is not ok and it's because of her, then theres no reasoning. I can't deal with this any longer.

    I think I'm going to have to break up with her.

    I've got a diamond ring waiting for her.... I don't think I can bring myself to give it to her.

    I've emotionally exited... I think I'm done.

  10. #39
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Where is this ring "waiting" Or did you just write that to practice, since you are using this thread as a sort of public jury ?
    Originally Posted by qwertyscream
    I've got a diamond ring waiting for her....

  11. #40
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Great question from Wiseman.

    You can keep pointing the finger at her, as you did in your last post, but to these eyes I just see a man who enjoys the punishment. You seem to take comfort in a certain self-conception right now, alongside her: the micro abused music guy, with the most beautiful ring for the most beautiful thing, save it's all a tragedy, since no matter what he does it's never enough.

    And I get it. There is a weird kind of solace in all that—and, of course, history is history, feelings are feelings, and so on. But until you recognize it as an active choice you are making—the seeking of punishment—rather than seeing it all as something that's being done to you, I think you'll stay in it. The gap between "I'm done" and "I think I'm done" can be pretty wide. Some people spend their whole lives in such relationships, thinking they're done once or twice a week. Time to decide what you get out of that, and if it's really how you want to be spending your time and energy.

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