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Thread: Am I not seeing the sense in this situation?

  1. #21
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    She called me and asked why I picked up the phone. She started laughing at my answer so I just hung up. I text her ďgood night xXxĒ and she replied ďI will 100% not be making contact until youíve got a gripď

    Edit
    She called again just now and saw my post and said ďIím going to comment on everything and really open up about youĒ.

    Fine. Go for it.

  2. #22
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    You two are more concerned about winning than compromise.

    Of course you care!

    You just finished telling us how distressed all this is making you.

    If you both donít learn to communicate like adults a marriage will not work.

    Nothing short of couples therapy will work in my opinion.

    One of you needs to wave the white flag

  3. #23
    Platinum Member Bunney's Avatar
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    I donít get why you want this to work out so badly. The two of you are toxic for eachother. Good relationships are when two people bring out the best eachother. Clearly not the case for you guys.

    I wouldnít like it if I was talking to my bf and he was humming/beatboxing. However, I would NOT fly off the handle over it the way she did, Iíd simply ask you to stop.

    Itís good sheís reading this thread because she needs an outsiderís perspective on how toxic and awful her attitude and her behavior is. She needs a true reality check, maybe even behavioral therapy; her reactions do NOT sound normal. She seems emotionally unstable and abusive, and I wouldnít be surprised if she had a serious personality disorder. Itís also very clear that she has extremely little respect for you and likes being in total "control" of you. Btw, in more than three years of being in a relationship with my boyfriend, I have not once called him any names- not sure why you think this is normal or why you should be putting up with this.

    She needs to get some help and you need to get away from her. Iíd feel bad for you but in all honesty, at this point youíre partly to blame because youíre enabling her behavior and continuously letting her get away with her crap. Rather than standing up for yourself, you just end up apologizing and giving in to her (which may factor into why she doesnít respect you). And jesus christ, do NOT engaged or married... You guys are an awful match (sorry to be so blunt about it). I guarantee you, youíll both be absolutely miserable being married to eachother. Move on and take it as a lesson learned in regards to what you dont want in a relationship.

    The longer you waste your time on this person, the longer you keep the door shut to a girl whoíll value you, has a kind heart and treat you with actual respect.
    Last edited by Bunney; 10-19-2019 at 08:51 PM.

  4. #24
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    You have heard the saying you canít fit a square peg into a round hole , right?

    You canít fix that and you canít fix ďusĒ

    Yes it was rude to continue humming when she was trying to have a conversation with you.

    Yes her reaction when you didnít stop was over the top.

    Likewise your reaction to her simply trying to talk to you during your humming was over the top by you thinking she was getting in the way of your ďcreativityĒ

    But the worst part imo is that you wonít even acknowledge that you were rude.

    You seem to think you are more important than her and she is frustrated at that.

    Iím glad she is reading this post because she also needs to get a grip.
    She needs to figure out what she is getting out of this relationship and if not much then to end it rather than hurling names at you. And trying to make you into someone you are not .

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  6. #25
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    What post did she see? Do you chronicle your conflicted relationship with her on social media? You both seem to enjoy this toxic sparring, so in that sense it may be a good fit. Some love/hate relationships like yours need this drama to keep the passion alive.
    Originally Posted by qwertyscream
    She called me and asked why I picked up the phone. She started laughing at my answer so I just hung up. I text her ďgood night xXxĒ and she replied ďI will 100% not be making contact until youíve got a gripď She called again just now and saw my post and said ďIím going to comment on everything and really open up about youĒ.

  7. #26
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    I donít use social media. I have FB and Insta accounts, but theyíve been mostly unused for over a year due to contractual reasons in my work. I only really use them to browse and as a point, I donít like sharing my dirty laundry. Here itís fine as itís somewhat faceless and I just want to work out my own brain. I donít know where my head is on this at all. Iíve known her since college (15 years ago), and over the last 5 years being with her, I love her deeply. Even during our breaks, I stayed completely faithful. Didnít even sniff at another woman. Same canít be said with her, but hey, we were on a break and itís perfectly understandable As she needs to know that Iím the right person. I think the point Iím trying to make is that Iím THAT much in love with her and thatís why I ultimately want this to work.

    Am I stupid? To an outsider, probably. To me, it seems perfectly fine? I donít know. This is what I need to figure out.

    Iím in total meltdown over the whole situation and the option of breaking up is never too far away in my head, but thereís that little positive something that keeps me steadfast. Itís a blip. A big blip. One that I hope can be ridden out. She is the first long-term partner I have ever argued with to this dramatically. Iíve only ever had little 2 minute tiffs before, but never full blown attacks. Is it me that brings out the worst in her? Maybe... I donít know, although she has a history of anger issues and she knows that.

    I have my issues too. I have ADHD. My attention span is absolutely horrible and Iíve noticed it affects us a lot in certain aspects. I need things spelled out to me or I donít understand. Maybe why I canít see my actions as rude? Whatever the reason. I can be a right git at times... I used to shout a lot back when we first dated, but thatís completely stopped over the last 4 years over the relationship. I learned to deal with the buttons she pressed and internalised the feelings it made me feel.

    Iím not a saint, but Iím at a stage where weíve grown and all the nonsense should have been placed behind us. But she wants to be on top.

    The comment Iíve had many times is ďIíve never not been the centre of attention. You always are and I donít like itĒ.

    She treats this relationship as a game with point. I am a huge character. You either love me for who I am or you donít. I donít intentionally do things to make you feel bad, Iíve just been brought up in an environment where I have great confidence.

    Iím waffling a bit and going off topic, but Iím just trying to share the tug of war aspect of what we go through. It may or may not work at this point and Id like to say thank you to everyone here for both supporting me and calling me out on my bs. This is the stuff I need to see if I have any chance of being successful in a relationship.

  8. #27
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    What post is she referring to? Why does she have to "see your post" to attempt to communicate with you?
    Originally Posted by qwertyscream
    She called again just now and saw my post and said ďIím going to comment on everything and really open up about youĒ.

  9. #28
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    What post is she referring to? Why does she have to "see your post" to attempt to communicate with you?
    I often get this when she wants control. I do something or she hears something she doesnít agree with and then there are disproportionate consequences. Mud slinging. Itís simple deflection of responsibilities.

  10. #29
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by qwertyscream
    I often get this when she wants control. I do something or she hears something she doesnít agree with and then there are disproportionate consequences. Mud slinging. Itís simple deflection of responsibilities.
    Youíre dancing around the question though.

    Likely because as you accuse her you donít like taking ownership yourself.

    Do yourself a favor.

    Spell out how she found out about this post.

    Iíd bet a shiny quarter it involves drama that your hands had a part in, unless sheís psychic, in which case ask her how your relationship ends up, my point is she didnít just magically find out about this post or whatever post your referencing so how did YOU stir the pot?

    Take ownership.

  11. #30
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    ^i already stated in an earlier post that she said I should research online if what I did was wrong and see that Iím not normal and I said Iíll take it to a forum as I couldnít find anything on google and she said ďif it turns out Iím wrong (her), we are finishedĒ, basically.

    I did say this a page before. She was fully aware of this from the start. The result would then be taken into her hands. If people agreed with me, sheíd leave as ďwe are on a different wavelengthĒ.

    Lifeís about compromise..

    So no. Not stirring the pot. It was agreed.

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