Am I not seeing the sense in this situation?

[limichelle]

She didn't get the job. I do feel for her as she wants something soon, but on the same merit, I am relieved.



I'm actually trying to see if I'm going mad. We do totally know how to push each others buttons, but she picks the most stupid, tiniest little things to fly off the handle. I can't be bothered with the drama. I hate the drama... She has a habit of starting things and I always look like the bad guy for ending things heavy-handedly. In recent times however, I've learned to cool right down and I don't shout anymore, I don't rise to the occasion. If she needs space, hey presto she's got it.

I'm just trying to figure out if I'm going mad or that what she says about this specific situation has weight on her side. I did barely did anything to exasperate the situation for a rise. I've tried to address this so many times. Every-time she does something wrong, it's ok, but when I do something wrong, I'm the worst person in the world.

She actually knows about me posting this and on this occasion, it's as cut and dry as what I'm saying.
She made sure I sought advice online this time. As she said "if it comes back that your'e not mad, then we view life differently and need to split up". I'm like what?

I feel regardless of whose fault it is, it all boils to a toxic environment. You both are in this rut and no I personally don’t think you’re going mad. I think you have every right to be taken aback by her irrational behavior. The same token, you chose to stay and fan the flame by keeping the argument burning. Such as dwelling on any thing she does.

Just move on, because she won’t change and neither will you. She’s not a bad person, and you’re not a bad person but together you two are a bad fit.

[poorlittlefish]

She started talking and I continued to beatbox. I was literally so involved with creative ideas that I couldn't physically stop humming my track. Then she starting shouting at me and calling me rude.

To continue doing that while she was trying to talk to you... yes, I'd find that quite rude too, but not to the degree that she did. Her reaction was way off, but it was symptomatic of far bigger problems that she's not actually told you.

[Billie28]

You were rude to be humming , beat boxing , whatever you want to call it while you were in your gfs company.

But it doesn’t matter. You need to be able to compartmentalise and prioritise.
Your gf was second in priority in that moment and she felt it.

You both lack communication skills and it seems respect for each other.

There is no blame on either of you, it boils down to compatibility, and it would appear that you aren’t compatible.

No , you are not seeing sense but neither is she. That’s because emotion masks logic when two people are incompatible.

[Wiseman2]

Replied in your similar thread on this same issue and the advice is still the same: [Register to see the link]

[qwertyscream]

You’re missing the point as to why I was humming. It was in context to our situation and I believed she was in the moment with me as she was giving me critique on the song. I was humming before she starting talking and while I was in the moment; I lacked the ability to stop as I was so elated. Stick it into that context rather than me humming without reason or out of a situational context, then I still don’t think I’m in the wrong. I was totally in the moment.

The putting me down when I’m happy had been going on for a while now and every time I address it with her, she shuts me down as if she never does anything wrong. The blame is always on me whether it’s my fault or not.

She takes zero responsibility for anything and I take the brunt of all things bad. This is why I’m fed up. This isn’t isolated.

[Billie28]

I believed she was in the moment with me as she was giving me critique on the song.

I lacked the ability to stop as I was so elated.

She takes zero responsibility for anything and I take the brunt of all things bad. This is why I’m fed up. This isn’t isolated.

She was critiquing , that was not a sign that she was in the “moment” with you , in fact the opposite.

You didn’t lack the ability to stop. Elation is not a reason but an excuse. You simply didn’t want to stop regardless.

She takes zero responsibility yet neither do you. This is why I suggest incompatibility. I’m not suggesting she is right and you are wrong.

But at the end of the day , it is YOU that’s fed up. She might be too!? It kinda sounds like she is.

So what do you want to happen from here on?

Your options are to accept the situation as it is or not.
As I said this is not a who is to blame scenario?!

If she is not someone you see a future with as she is ,then ...well, it’s up to you to decide your next move, not for us to advise.

[boltnrun]

You could too stop. To say you "physically couldn't stop" is just not true.

But, you two are a toxic blend. You sound like you don't even like one another. You sound like both of you enjoy proving the other "wrong". Not the basis for a successful marriage, IMO.

[Hollyj]

You do not work together. I do not understand why you would get married.

[figureitout23]

She was critiquing , that was not a sign that she was in the “moment” with you , in fact the opposite.

You didn’t lack the ability to stop. Elation is not a reason but an excuse. You simply didn’t want to stop regardless.

She takes zero responsibility yet neither do you. This is why I suggest incompatibility. I’m not suggesting she is right and you are wrong.

But at the end of the day , it is YOU that’s fed up. She might be too!? It kinda sounds like she is.

So what do you want to happen from here on?

Your options are to accept the situation as it is or not.
As I said this is not a who is to blame scenario?!

If she is not someone you see a future with as she is ,then ...well, it’s up to you to decide your next move, not for us to advise.

Bingo.

And why I asked are you actually seeking advice or simply venting.

You clearly don’t seem to want to take any ownership while complaining that she doesn’t, so really you’re two peas in a pod, unfortunately two people who refuse to take personal responsibility leads to drama and fights, but to go even further any individual who refuses to acknowledge their actions will have a hard time.

Ignoring her reaction to you for a moment, your defending continuing to beatbox as she is talking to you is incredibly telling.

The general consensus is it’s rude to do.

Doesn’t matter your reasons, it was rude.

Again ignoring her reaction which wasn’t right either, what would you feelings have been with another individual telling you the same.

My personal reaction would be to look at you and say, ‘dude seriously, can you stop, I’m talking’

Be honest : what would your reaction be?

Would you tell me I was attempting to steal your joy?

Again serious question.

You are so busy placing blame on one another that neither of you seem to have any self reflection and honestly I think that’s why your relationship works, the toxicity keeps y’all going, so again I ask, are you actually asking for advice or venting because either is ok and your prerogative but one means you accept the relationship ship is toxic and walk away and the other is you getting your ego stroked before you go back for more.

[qwertyscream]

My reaction if she did it to me? Nothing... she would be in the moment and I knew she would be listening to me anyway and would give me an answer.... I don’t react to petty situations like this. I find it very endearing seeing someone enjoy themselves.

Fact is, I was humming before she was talking so technically she disturbed me lol.. Is that not rude? Don’t answer, stupid question.

Still can’t see what I did as being rude but it is clear to me that some would. I completely read the situation wrong but I don’t believe for a second I did wrong. I was in the moment that I thought she was sharing with me. I didn’t deserved to be called an a-hole and a d””k over it.

What I really really want to know how to fix “us”. I don’t know where to start and it’s hurting me to the bones. Every time I go to speak to her, nothing is progressive, it’s always regressive. She won’t communicate in a way that is needed.

It made me feel so bad the events over the last couple of days, I just want this nightmare to end and learn to get along with each other.