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Thread: issues regarding relocation with boyfriend

  1. #11
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    I would to add that we are both alone in this country and that I do not want to have a free ride on somebody else's back. Before moving I looked at different universities to see if they were offering my post bac education program. Once I found out they did, I said to him that I was willing to relocate with him but on the condition that he will pay for the expenses the time I find a job. He agreed and gave me a two months time frame. I thought it was fair. Now i am not trying to wait for two months to go by as I like earning my own money. The plan of this moving was for me to not use my education savings and I have been clear with him before but now he has changed his mind on food.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    I agree with that but in our case I feel like it is a bit different as I am in this situation because I decided to follow him for his job opportunity, not because I am lazy and not willing to work.
    Let this situation be a lesson to all woman/men who "decide" to follow a boyfriend (not husband) to another place to, at the very least, get work and/or the promise of work before they move in and have expectations of being taken care of until they do find that job.

    He has told you what HE now expects so if you don't like it, if his demeanor causes you to call him unfair, or any other negative then I vehemently suggest you leave him now before he springs yet another side of him that you don't like. You may have to use some of that education money for first and last months rent if you don't move back and go to school where you first intended to before HE moved for work.

    Do you have a working Visa to work in Canada? If you don't, then of course that would be a good reason why you aren't getting work. Bilingual workers are a plus here in Canada where we have TWO official languages of both French and English. What kind of work are you looking for?

  3. #13
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by lolo747
    Hi Everyone,

    The two months haven t expired yet as we have just moved here last week. As far as my job search, I have been looking for it from day one, even before moving. My first language is also not English but French. I do not consider this as being necessarily an obstacle to finding a job but I have to admit that it makes it harder for me during job interview as we live in anglophone province. This is obviously not the main problem of this thread, but my boyfriend coming back on our arrangement.

    Before moving, we agreed that if I was leaving my job, he will pay for rent and other expenses (food, other bills...) until I find a job. He did mention that he was willing to do this only for a limited time, no more than two months.

    My plan is to be a teacher and that is why I have been working to save as much as I could before going to university to avoid having too much debt. I was planning on starting next September. I am no sitting on a tons of savings either while my boyfriend is working and paying for everything to reply to somebody else's comment above. I have been paying for all my expenses until now. He just started to pay for everything recently.


    We also are very frugal people. We do not spend money in an extravagant way.

    I do agree that we should have talked about all the different possible scenarios before moving and talked about our expectations more in depth. It is hard for me to go back home as I am from Europe and all my family is there. I have been living in Canada for a little bit than two years. My boyfriend is not Canadian either but from Australia and got an amazing pilot job. Before leaving he told me that I should see this as a good opportunity for us down the road and follow him. In retrospect, I think I have been pretty naive to listen that.
    I have to admit that some comments above are pretty right. I should not have followed a man and finished what my university first, getting independent first.
    I would to add that we are both alone in this country and that I do not want to have a free ride on somebody else's back. Before moving I looked at different universities to see if they were offering my post bac education program. Once I found out they did, I said to him that I was willing to relocate with him but on the condition that he will pay for the expenses the time I find a job. He agreed and gave me a two months time frame. I thought it was fair. Now i am not trying to wait for two months to go by as I like earning my own money. The plan of this moving was for me to not use my education savings and I have been clear with him before but now he has changed his mind on food.
    I think it's time to decide whether you're ok with the change in agreement in order to continue staying in Canada and living together (continuing the relationship) with your boyfriend. You seem more insulted than anything that he could go back on his word or change the agreement. Generally when people do things like this it's not a matter of speaking about things beforehand or for lack of planning. You had a clear agreement of two months but the two months isn't over and he's going back on his word. This seems like more a matter of issues in trust and lack of trust in the relationship. Do you have any other issues between him and you that might cause him to renegade or lose trust in the relationship?

    You've been here a couple of weeks in this Anglophone Canadian province only (together with him), you're originally from Europe and he's originally from OZ. You're looking at a post-bac education program about 11-12 months from now in 2020 (Fall). You technically have another 6 weeks with him to find job to pay for food. In the remainder of the time until the Fall 2020 semester, you're sitting pretty living together sharing expenses like rent and food. This is not a bad deal and it gives you room to explore your province, a new place, and work and save money.

    My advice to you is to cool your jets and pay for the food. Let go of this small gripe about him going back on your agreement because, to be honest, it's not that big of a deal. If you feel however that he's a bit slimy and you're finding parts about his character that are not what you initially thought might be at the start or there are things about him that are proving increasingly difficult in accepting, move out. I would not advise going back to Europe if you're set on the education program in Canada. Are you looking at Simon Fraser University in BC, by any chance? It's a very good program from what I hear.

    For the moment, find something you can subsist on reliably, put aside these small gripes and start thinking smart. Put the cash in your account and pay what you need to pay to survive on, regardless of any previous agreements. If things get hostile or unworkable, be ready to support yourself and stay in Canada for the program. Don't forget to apply for grants and scholarships.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member itsallgrand's Avatar
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    I don't think you come across as a highly entitled person.
    I think you made a mistake in moving when you could not afford it without dipping into education savings or relying on him to cover you. It throws of the balance, leaves you vulnerable, and now you are facing not only the uncertainty of the situation for you but also uncertainty in the relationship.

    So now what? I wouldn't bother arguing with him about what is fair or not. Situation is, we are all ultimately responsible for ourselves. So now you work the problem for yourself, and Rose gave some good suggestions on that.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Op:
    Do you have a permit to study in Canada?
    Do you have a permit to work in Canada?
    You have lived here for two years after moving from Europe. What kind of work were you doing for the last two years and where did you live before moving to be with your current boyfriend. Has he been your b/f since you moved here?

    [Register to see the link]

  7. #16
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    sorry. i would have followed by staying put until you found a job in the new area. It is easier to find a job when you have a job. I know that makes no sense, perhaps, but its mostly true. It may take a month or 6 months. You can't put the horse back in the barn , of course. Are you showing up at the unemployment office/job bank 4-5 mornings per week? If you are not doing that in conjunction from attending networking groups in your field, etc, you are not showing him that you are seriously looking. Yes, moving back home is an option until you find something

  8. #17
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    also, he may not have anticipated how expensive living in the new city is as well

  9. #18
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    I am a PR, so I do not think I will have difficulty to get a job. The whole issue here was that he came back on his promise. I am not in the street or anything. We had a talk tonight and he told me that he will help me out after all but then after that 50/50 which I am ok with. He added that he wanted me to be independent as soon as possible as he will never take care of me financially which makes me even more motivated to get a job to avoid owing him anything. Outside of that, our relationship is good. We do not have trust issue or anything else. He treats me well but I think money will be an issue for down the road though. This is a good eye opener. My main priority is to get back on my feet pretty quick and if the relationship works fine otherwise it was not meant to be.

    I was planning on studying with SFU for their French program. I was a French monitor of language in school. We met very soon after I arrived in Canada. We have been together for a little bit over two years.

  10. #19
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    By reading all the posts here, I can totally see with hindsight how bad my decision was. I mean we all are responsible of ourselves and nobody forces me to move to the new places, so I have of course responsible of the situation I put myself in. I have just been naive maybe.

    For my defense, I did mention back in BC the possibility of me moving there after he got settled down but he did not like this idea as we were too far from each other. BC-Ontario. He knew my situation and asked me to follow him mentioning it would be a great opportunity for us down the road as at first I was not very excited about the whole moving process.
    I can see that Ontario has a lot of more bilingual opportunities from my search, on top of that with government agencies such as CRA to which I have already applied but could also be a long process. I am open to work anywhere else stores as a cashier, coffee shops, restaurants,etc... I am not difficult and I had already applied to everything I could.

    I also went to the university to get information about my program. I have not been lazy doing nothing. I have been putting myself out there, used the public transport which is very good in the town where we are to get from A to B.

    I clearly agree that no one should rely on a BF or GF to live except in situation like this where I mean the situation has been talked about and everything was clear that I was moving without a job there, so that he will have to pay for the both of us for a limited time.

  11. #20
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Are you both in Ontario right now? If you are in Ontario, what are you going to do in Fall 2020 when your program is in BC?

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