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Blocking Advice Needed


misterjister

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Do you explain to the ex that you're blocking them beforehand or just do it?

 

My ex is away on holiday with a guy but so far refusing to admit to me that theyre together despite nobody else believing it. Least of all me. If she'd been honest possibly couldve remained distant friends for we have some shared emotional ties.

 

Have already unfriended but new profile pics and videos shared to public hurting me. I cant help but look.

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Just block her. Don't be petty about it.

 

Yup, this.

 

You're blocking her for you, and your well being, not to get a reaction from her. So you do it. I don't tell the rain I'm going to use an umbrella because I prefer to stay dry, you know? I just grab the umbrella, open it up, and take a walk.

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The thing is i've been told by someone else who works with them that ex and new man have been seeing each other when we were together and planning holiday. She doesn't know this.

 

i asked her time and again when she told me of holiday to tell the truth but she wouldnt.

 

Now i know for sure but am giving her one last chance to be honest before i remove her from everything. which i know i should do anyway but before i go i want tto give her one last chance so when i do go she wont be remembered as a complete lying cheater waster- forever.

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The thing is i've been told by someone else who works with them that ex and new man have been seeing each other when we were together and planning holiday. She doesn't know this.

 

i asked her time and again when she told me of holiday to tell the truth but she wouldnt.

 

Now i know for sure but am giving her one last chance to be honest before i remove her from everything.

 

What good would that do?

 

What if you say you're blocking her and she says "OK, whatever"?

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You've put yourself between a rock and a hard place. It's none of your business what she does with her new man or her love life. Those strings weren't cut from the start and unfortunately it's dragged you along a very dusty and confusing road. I know how hard it is to let go of someone you love. It's over though. I'd quit now before things get more confusing and let her be.

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You've put yourself between a rock and a hard place. It's none of your business what she does with her new man or her love life. Those strings weren't cut from the start and unfortunately it's dragged you along a very dusty and confusing road. I know how hard it is to let go of someone you love. It's over though. I'd quit now before things get more confusing and let her be.

 

I know this but she needs to know and own up. i expl;ined everything would be cool but just be truthful and give me respect and honesty. She has lied to me and has one last chance before she gets to see the evidence and then im gone.

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I understand you are hurting, and I'm sorry for that hurt.

 

Still, cold water needs to be splashed on the face. Right now you are hoping for a conversation that goes something like:

 

You: So, I'm going to block you everywhere.

Her: Oh no! Look, I need to be honest with you...

 

Human beings do not work like this. They do not jump at "last chances" to "be honest" through manipulation. No, they dig in, hard, during those moments. Self-protection 101. What do toxic relationships look like? When the digging in amplifies deceit because all logic has flown out the window. How, after all, can you expect honesty from another through a dishonest gesture?

 

Your pride is on fire, your ego aflame, and your heart is in pain. Tough hand life has thrown you. I'm very sorry. But she does not have the medicine for that, and you'll just continue to be sick in trying to extract it. Where is that medicine? It is inside you, and if blocking her is what you need to find it, then block her.

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I know this but she needs to know and own up. i expl;ined everything would be cool but just be truthful and give me respect and honesty. She has lied to me and has one last chance before she gets to see the evidence and then im gone.

 

You can hope upon hope all you want. Shes not going to be honest with you. We all know for 99.9% certainty what she's done but she's lied about it the past, whys she going to be honest now? Let go.

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i asked so are you too togetgher then now and she looked but didnt reply. i tell her its important to speak to me because somethings happened ( the message from co-worker). 11 years together apart from a pevious break when she did the same before and was sooo apologetic and promised me faithfully she would never do the same again.

 

she needs to be shamed. and she will be unless she owns up to lying. cos i have the proof. She has one last chance.

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Now i know for sure but am giving her one last chance to be honest before i remove her from everything. which i know i should do anyway but before i go i want tto give her one last chance so when i do go she wont be remembered as a complete lying cheater waster- forever.

 

You can choose to remember her however you want. And, with time, you may find those memories change shape.

 

My ex cheated on me, lied about it. It really hurt. But it was all complicated, as life is, and I wasn't always my best self to her—and we were, in the end, two people whose best selves couldn't coexist, who are better without each other.

 

I do't think of her as a "complete lying cheating waster." She's a person, in the world, who was once part of my life. We had some really good times, then things turned sour. She has a lot of fine qualities. I hope she's doing well, wherever she is.

 

That is how I choose to remember her, for me. You can make whatever choice you'd like, for you. Asking her to cultivate a memory of her that allows you to sleep better? Sorry, but it just does not work like that. People do not have that kind of power over the brains and spirits of other people.

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I know this but she needs to know and own up. i expl;ined everything would be cool but just be truthful and give me respect and honesty. She has lied to me and has one last chance before she gets to see the evidence and then im gone.

 

I'm not sure she's concerned about what you think she "needs" to do.

 

This is a person who has a history of concealing things from you. Refusing to let go unless and until she does something YOU want her to do is self-defeating and basically pointless.

 

I'm sorry for your pain. But trying to get her to "admit" to something won't make it go away.

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she needs to be shamed. and she will be unless she owns up to lying. cos i have the proof. She has one last chance.

 

With endless sympathy for your predicament, I say to you: reign it in.

 

You want to shame her? That's what makes you feel good and move on? Cool, shame her. Be that man, a man who shames women. But remember: you're the one who gets to spend the rest of your life in your skin, and if "shaming a woman" is something that doesn't fit comfortably in that skin suit, I'd dig deep and reach out to your higher self.

 

He is in there, begging for your attention.

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i will block her dont worry. i will hear the lie one last time then she's going to see the evidence and know that what i said all along was true* is* true.

 

important that she stressed new bf were just mates and i dont want to ever lose contact with you. Well she is anyway just want her to have it embedded in her head what a complete liar she was and is...for eternity. Or she can own up and not have that on her conscience.

 

im gone regardless.

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i asked so are you too togetgher then now and she looked but didnt reply. i tell her its important to speak to me because somethings happened ( the message from co-worker). 11 years together apart from a pevious break when she did the same before and was sooo apologetic and promised me faithfully she would never do the same again.

 

she needs to be shamed. and she will be unless she owns up to lying. cos i have the proof. She has one last chance.

 

So you want to hurt her because she hurt you.

 

Do your think that will bring you peace?

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All that accomplishes in most cases is one lie being replaced by another to make something go away. Don't do this to yourself. Last chance at what? End it with her.

she needs to be shamed. and she will be unless she owns up to lying. cos i have the proof. She has one last chance.

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Aww. I know you are hurting and it seems like she owes you. But she's not going to come through for you and give you what you need. trying to shame her to others only makes you look bad. Most people are only interested in others' problems for the entertainment value or to make themselves feel like their own lives aren't so bad. Any thing you do to try to shame her etc, is not going to be as satisfying as you anticipate. It won't feel that great and it will pass. The best thing you can do is "take your ball and go home." Rise above this, keep your chin up, block her, don't talk to her, don't do anything. Focus on doing things that support you. Life cannot be enjoyable if you are focused on revenge or what someone else is doing to harm you. Your best life comes from love and happiness you have for yourself and the people that are engaged with you on that same goal.

 

She's more than likely not being honest or answering you because at the end of the day, what difference does it make. She's doing her life. Stop making it like she is doing anything to you. If she's not engaging you, then it's just you holding on, when you shouldn't. It's like a ball game. If someone throws you a ball and you don't throw it back, there's no game.

 

CHIN UP!!

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i will block her dont worry. i will hear the lie one last time then she's going to see the evidence and know that what i said all along was true* is* true.

 

important that she stressed new bf were just mates and i dont want to ever lose contact with you. Well she is anyway just want her to have it embedded in her head what a complete liar she was and is...for eternity. Or she can own up and not have that on her conscience.

 

im gone regardless.

 

I ain't worried. It's not my life, not my spirit on the line right now.

 

You are pure vengeance right now. I get it, I guess, though I've never quite had those instincts. Vengeance is the antithesis of humanity—it's ego, shot through with hurt, with the full spectrum of your humanity reduced to a bullet.

 

I say put down the gun. You have your story, she has hers. In the middle is another story. Accept that that middle story is inaccessible, because it's the story people make when together, not apart. Sucks. Feels like a storm cloud right now, that middle story hovering overhead. You want to control it, fill it in, but you can't. You just can't.

 

You can try, though. Have you ever been to a bar, seen that bitter, resentful dude in the corner, cursing his ex from 20 years back? That's where trying gets you. That's the climax of vengeance. It's not a cute look, and it's not a look that will fare well with future women, nor will it make brushing your teeth much fun because you won't like what you see in the mirror.

 

You are not battling a war with "eternity" right now. You are a human, hurting. I'm sorry. I see your hurt, feel for you. I've been a hurt human too, and I'll be one again. These are the blows life throws at us. How we handle them becomes who we are.

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OP you are lashing out because you feel foolish.

 

You know deep down that you were wrong to take her back after the first time when she (very likely) cheated. You took her back and thought that she was coming back for the right reasons but she never was. You were just easily available to her when her new fling ended and as a bonus you sucked upto HER for leaving you for another man thus validating her and easing her guilt.

 

Now she's done the same again, it must be an absolute blow to the body and ego. "Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice shame on me" etcI know you felt like you did everything you could and you tried to hard but ultimately she was always going to leave because she came back out of convenience, never to stay.

 

It's hard to take i know, but 'dishing the dirt' is only going to make you look bad.

 

People will alreayd have an idea of what she is truly like, don't worry. This is one of those times where you need to suck it up, block+ delete her and leave with your dignity or whats left while you can.

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