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Thread: Blocking Advice Needed

  1. #41
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    Originally Posted by MissCanuck
    What is it you want her to do with the dogs at this point? Do you want them back with you?

    You don't need her to confess to being in a new relationship in order to finalize what is going to happen with the dogs. Keep those issues separate.
    just to see them again at some point, whenever that will be, obviously not in the next few months- but sometime Misscanuck.

  2. #42
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    That aint gonna work out. It's going to have to be permanent or never and that's something you need to sort and agree on quickly. I feel for you, dogs are like family but a final decision needs to be agreed on them.

  3. #43
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    Originally Posted by misterjister
    i'm liking that post Blu - i'm not sure what youre actually suggesting though?

    blocking and deleting might help, but it also looks immature and she'll be thinking its a sulk.

    braver to not and get my big boy pants on? if she comes texting short but polite replies. It's in the head not on social media no?

    Why do you care what she thinks? This is a battlle of one upmanship you can't win and deep down you know it.

  4. #44
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    I'm suggesting, in effect, that you stop doing her and start doing you.

    When I know someone is bad for me—be it someone who has cheated on me or someone who has been nothing but awesome, save the sour fact that they've chosen to not longer be with me—I give myself space from that person and ask that person to respect that space. In 40 years it has generally worked. When my ex-gf did not respect that, and when that limited my healing, I blocked her. Did that "look" immature to her? I don't care. It was what I needed, to do me, so I did it.

    You are trying to heal a cut, right now, with a knife. If you can't curb that instinct—block for a bit, no different than if you don't like my words right here you can opt to "block" me from ENA. All good—I'll be okay, won't think less of you. She'll be okay. You'll be okay.

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  6. #45
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    Bluecastle is right. Everything in your world revolves around her. When are you going to start living your life for you again?

  7. #46
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Do you want the dogs? Can you keep them and care for them properly in terms of time and exercise? Whose dogs are they really, who owns them?
    If they were her dogs, then unfortunately you'll have to let that go as well because that's how breakups work. If you got those dogs together, then discuss that and only that. No anger, no lashing out, no trying to force her to justify your assumptions. Sort out who gets the dogs and part ways for good.

    Ultimately, understand that you cannot continue any kind of "shared" custody of them. It will be good for no one, not even the dogs. You aren't there, animals move on quickly. But when you are in and out, it's confusing for them and upsetting. Dogs aren't children, even if it feels like that to you. They think differently from humans.

  8. #47
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    i've been reading a little on blocking and not everybody agrees its the best idea. For me, i'm in a quandary insomuch that i dont even want her back. I go from despising to acceptance and back. Im indifferent and then upset .

    I know there's no way back so apart from this mad episode where i was getting messages off strangers ive been quite cool with just NC?

  9. #48
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    You shouldnt want her back! She's admitted one affair and probably had 2!

    I really cannit see why you desire to stay in touch. I know it's been a very long term relationship but it's not healthy for you. It takes up a lot of your head space it's clear to see.

    With respect are you seeing a therapist about this breakup? If not you might be well served in doing so.

  10. #49
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    It does stink about the dogs. But do you think you might just be grasping at straws to hold on to her or whatever. Break ups suck. They are hard and hurtful, no matter what. When you are hurting, nothing the other person does is gonna be right. There is no right way to break up with someone, if you really think about it. The person is leaving you. They don't want to continue with you. It's rejection. It hurts. And sometimes there is collateral damage-- their pets, friends, family, a fuzzy blanket they have that you love. You just let them go. And I agree with dancingfool, dogs are not children.

    Hasn't her ego had enough stroking? You and the co workers are all a buzz about her, you need closure and an admission, for what? And now it's the dogs.... At some point, you gotta find your pride and it's not the angry ego that is going all indignant. It's the person inside that realizes none of this is worth it. She is not worth it.

  11. #50
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    I cant afford therapy ninja. i'll be alright eventually. I left and i was smiling as i did. I had my doubts after the initial rush of getting back together wore off. I devoted everything to getting her back, spent loads of money - that i couldnt even afford. Then after a while waited it all just died off. She had more interest in watching ty soap operas than in me. To be fair i let my standards drop too and became complacent/ aloof.

    either way without being big headed she couldnt talk to me on any intellectual capacity. It was all very basic stuff (which is fine). I'm interested in so many things, history, philosophy, art, music.. and all she cared about were her life, surroundings, and paying bills. A super stresshead as well as an insomniac. she was crap in bed, arrogant, bossy. I was in her house though so always beneath her in that respect- you know how it is. You always know that if/when it goes pear shaped its you who has to go.

    So money orientated it was unbelievable. For instance say if i left spare change on the side somewhere- it wouldn't be long before she asked if she could have it for something.

    she was charging me not much less than if i was renting my own place to be there- but there was no way i was eating as much food or using the amount of electric/water etc. In the end i spent more time sat outside on the garden such was my dislike of soap operas . Do you know that if your other half watches them all as mine did it amounts to like 3 hours a day, everyday, forever?

    When we were having our final argument do you know what the most important thing to her was when i said i was thinking of leaving? All she wanted to know was when i was paying the remaining £90 off the credit card. That was the final straw.

    I said we're on the verge of splitting up and all you care about is £90? I couldnt believe it


    except now i can. Because she needed to clear the balance in order to borrow more money on it to go on holiday. Unbelievable or what? I spent thousands on that woman.

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