Blocking Advice Needed

[boltnrun]

sorry bolt see edit for reason.

My question stands...

[misterjister]

You've put yourself between a rock and a hard place. It's none of your business what she does with her new man or her love life. Those strings weren't cut from the start and unfortunately it's dragged you along a very dusty and confusing road. I know how hard it is to let go of someone you love. It's over though. I'd quit now before things get more confusing and let her be.

I know this but she needs to know and own up. i expl;ined everything would be cool but just be truthful and give me respect and honesty. She has lied to me and has one last chance before she gets to see the evidence and then im gone.

[bluecastle]

I understand you are hurting, and I'm sorry for that hurt.

Still, cold water needs to be splashed on the face. Right now you are hoping for a conversation that goes something like:

You: So, I'm going to block you everywhere.
Her: Oh no! Look, I need to be honest with you...

Human beings do not work like this. They do not jump at "last chances" to "be honest" through manipulation. No, they dig in, hard, during those moments. Self-protection 101. What do toxic relationships look like? When the digging in amplifies deceit because all logic has flown out the window. How, after all, can you expect honesty from another through a dishonest gesture?

Your pride is on fire, your ego aflame, and your heart is in pain. Tough hand life has thrown you. I'm very sorry. But she does not have the medicine for that, and you'll just continue to be sick in trying to extract it. Where is that medicine? It is inside you, and if blocking her is what you need to find it, then block her.

[ninjabib]

I know this but she needs to know and own up. i expl;ined everything would be cool but just be truthful and give me respect and honesty. She has lied to me and has one last chance before she gets to see the evidence and then im gone.

You can hope upon hope all you want. Shes not going to be honest with you. We all know for 99.9% certainty what she's done but she's lied about it the past, whys she going to be honest now? Let go.

[misterjister]

i asked so are you too togetgher then now and she looked but didnt reply. i tell her its important to speak to me because somethings happened ( the message from co-worker). 11 years together apart from a pevious break when she did the same before and was sooo apologetic and promised me faithfully she would never do the same again.

she needs to be shamed. and she will be unless she owns up to lying. cos i have the proof. She has one last chance.

[bluecastle]

Now i know for sure but am giving her one last chance to be honest before i remove her from everything. which i know i should do anyway but before i go i want tto give her one last chance so when i do go she wont be remembered as a complete lying cheater waster- forever.

You can choose to remember her however you want. And, with time, you may find those memories change shape.

My ex cheated on me, lied about it. It really hurt. But it was all complicated, as life is, and I wasn't always my best self to her—and we were, in the end, two people whose best selves couldn't coexist, who are better without each other.

I do't think of her as a "complete lying cheating waster." She's a person, in the world, who was once part of my life. We had some really good times, then things turned sour. She has a lot of fine qualities. I hope she's doing well, wherever she is.

That is how I choose to remember her, for me. You can make whatever choice you'd like, for you. Asking her to cultivate a memory of her that allows you to sleep better? Sorry, but it just does not work like that. People do not have that kind of power over the brains and spirits of other people.

[boltnrun]

I know this but she needs to know and own up. i expl;ined everything would be cool but just be truthful and give me respect and honesty. She has lied to me and has one last chance before she gets to see the evidence and then im gone.

I'm not sure she's concerned about what you think she "needs" to do.

This is a person who has a history of concealing things from you. Refusing to let go unless and until she does something YOU want her to do is self-defeating and basically pointless.

I'm sorry for your pain. But trying to get her to "admit" to something won't make it go away.

[Rose Mosse]

Shamed? This is not a very nice way to think of someone. Please let go. You'll look back on this one day and feel very foolish for getting so worked up over someone who doesn't want to be with you. Let go.

[bluecastle]

she needs to be shamed. and she will be unless she owns up to lying. cos i have the proof. She has one last chance.

With endless sympathy for your predicament, I say to you: reign it in.

You want to shame her? That's what makes you feel good and move on? Cool, shame her. Be that man, a man who shames women. But remember: you're the one who gets to spend the rest of your life in your skin, and if "shaming a woman" is something that doesn't fit comfortably in that skin suit, I'd dig deep and reach out to your higher self.

He is in there, begging for your attention.

[misterjister]

i will block her dont worry. i will hear the lie one last time then she's going to see the evidence and know that what i said all along was true* is* true.

important that she stressed new bf were just mates and i dont want to ever lose contact with you. Well she is anyway just want her to have it embedded in her head what a complete liar she was and is...for eternity. Or she can own up and not have that on her conscience.

im gone regardless.