Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 7 of 7 FirstFirst ... 4567
Results 61 to 67 of 67

Thread: Can I trust my boyfriend?

  1. #61
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    21,631
    Butter, they are not dogs or children, even though there are some man children. I think that your thinking is quite unhealthy, and may be a reason you make poor partner choices.

  2. #62
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Location
    Central Canada
    Posts
    13,961
    Gender
    Female
    I just want to let you know if you’re okay with this? If not then I can cut it off with her”

    What’s your advise to this response?
    My advice is to tell him I'm not okay with this and unless you intend on bringing me with you to this drunken meet up, then I would like you to cut it off because it is suspect, it is crossing romantic relationship boundaries, it is hurtful that you wouldn't include me in a date-like activity with her and if she's so great, it hurts that you wouldn't want me to become her friend as well.

    Anything else is YOU putting your head in the sand and allowing something that you CLEARLY do not agree with because if you did you wouldn't be so angst about it that you needed to start a thread. Don't try to be the cool girlfriend that lets her partner cross boundaries just so she doesn't come across as some sort of beeatch. Doing that is so lame and counter productive to open, honest communication. It's posing at its finest.

    That being said, I read that you told him your truth. Not in a way I would have but I'm not you...
    Last edited by ThatwasThen; 10-19-2019 at 02:13 PM.

  3. #63
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Location
    Central Canada
    Posts
    13,961
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by ButterToast
    Since he’s canceling the hang out with that girl I guess it one less thing to worry about.
    But also I hope he doesn’t ignore me and still arrange the hang out and secretly meet her
    You have to trust your partner and if you don't, your relationship is toast. Talk to him in person about such things. Save texting for when you want him to pick up a quart of milk or to bring something with him when he's coming to yours. You DO NOT discuss such important things over text where you can't read expression or voice inflection or tells that he's just telling you what he clearly knows you want to hear.

  4. #64
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    Posts
    9,329
    Originally Posted by ButterToast
    There is so much men need to learn and be aware of and show respect and integrity in a relationship
    This tells me your man-picker might be broken.

    I have not once in my years of dating needed to explain to a man why it would be inappropriate to go out drinking with a former fling. You are not dealing with a naive kid here, OP. He knows how it looks; he doesn't need to "learn" this. Be careful not to fall into the line of thinking which suggests men are so oblivious they don't know when they're screwing things up. That sort of thing will lead you to overlook or minimize poor behavior and not hold someone appropriately accountable for making choices that jeopardize the integrity of your relationship.

    It's positive that he agreed to cancel this meet-up. But the very fact that you are worried he might covertly see her anyway tells me you don't trust him much, and I am wondering why this is. What gives you the impression he is capable of something like that?

  5.  

  6. #65
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Location
    British Columbia, Canada
    Posts
    2,828
    Gender
    Female
    Ok... no good. If you can't trust him, this isn't good. Both of you may be younger or more naive so trusting in general or establishing trust is new to either of you. It took me a long time to filter and trust, know when to bow out and excuse myself and when to stick around for workable relationships. If you're feeling jittery, nervous, distrusting and overall, not good, no matter what your boyfriend says the problem is either with you (insecure) or it's with him (too much damage done already/not trustworthy).

    You can go about this in one of two ways: 1) re-evaluate the relationship and give it another shot (this means trusting him) or 2) you can draw the line and say enough is enough.

    You're the best judge of character in this case. I think this issue is not that huge in the giant mountains of issues in life. Put things in perspective and go with your gut instincts. If you don't feel good, you decide.

    I think your comment about men needing to learn is tongue in cheek and said in jest. Try not to bring gender into it as it creates greater mistrust in others (negative gender stereotypes). Leave that behind and if you're going to exist with this person, do so peacefully and with more positivity. If not, don't exist or be in a relationship with him at all.

  7. #66
    Super Moderator HeartGoesOn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Location
    Massachusetts
    Posts
    16,817
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by ButterToast



    I offer to pick him up and drive him home safely, and to see how he feels after the hang out.
    He said he’s loyal when he’s in a relationship, and he won’t do anything stupid or sexual. He just want to reconnect with a old friend.

    Should I trust him?
    What should I say?
    What should I do?
    Thank you!
    It's always "just a friend"- classic excuse. I can only speak for myself, but my guess is he's banking on you buying into his carefully rehearsed speech, which should be an insult to your intelligence,(imo).

    Either way, if he had an ounce of respect for you, he wouldn't try to pull one over on you as he's doing here. Rather than having to tell him you're not comfortable with this situation, he's clearly demonstrated what he's all about, therefore why even waste your time offering your opinion?

    No, I wouldn't trust him as far as I could throw him.
    Last edited by HeartGoesOn; 10-19-2019 at 08:13 PM.

  8. #67
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Location
    Surrey BC, Canada
    Posts
    1,361
    Gender
    Female
    This is what you do...Say it’s ok as long as you can be there too. If he doesn’t like that idea it just proves this is more than a hang out. He told you about it, hoping to get a hall pass making it sound like he’s being reasonable. You can tell him Thanks for the honesty, but this tactic doesn’t fly with you. Then tell him that you both need to go over some firm boundaries.

Page 7 of 7 FirstFirst ... 4567

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •