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Thread: Can I trust my boyfriend?

  1. #51
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    Originally Posted by bluecastle
    This is either arrogance or lack of awareness—probably both, neither appealing qualities.

    Arrogance = he doesn't think you have a similar joker card hiding in your deck.

    Lack of awareness = he has no idea how "I'm going to get drunk with someone I barely know but slept with and have mom pick me up" sounds to fellow human ears.

    On some level, to analyze this more than it deserves, I think what he thinks he said to you is different. He doesn't realize he weaponized it all, because it clashes with his self-conception as a good, mature dude. I'm not saying he's a "bad" monster, but mature? No. People who weaponize things, without awareness, are the sort of people generally referred to as "dangerous." Spend too much time near weapons and you get hurt, and loaded guns can't be tamed.

    The big question in your head right now should be: Is this what I want to be dealing with, in my life, in a relationship? Never stop asking that, because it's the question you can answer. Asking questions about him, or anyone, is just a black hole.
    HERE IS A UPDATE EVERYONE!
    I sent him this text!
    “ I appreciate you being honest with me, I thought about it and it's not settling with me. I know we haven't talked about boundaries.

    I just feel uncomfortable for you to meet up with a fling that you thought you said wouldn’t see again. Please cancel with her and have her other friend show her around Instead.
    It’s just there should be boundaries to set when cultivating friendships with former flings, out of respect for me since we’re in a meaningful relationship.”

    And all he said I swear! He said “Will do”

    I’m astonished!

    Any opinions???

  2. #52
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    I'd text "Thanks." That's it. Don't superimpose any of your fears or anxieties, don't bombard him with smiley faces or other texts. Cross one bridge at a time and keep your wits about you. Enjoy your time together but know that he's capable of putting you in situations like this. You can still enjoy each others' company with that knowledge and history. Also please don't bring up this situation again no matter how upset you may be and allow him to grow from it too especially if you sense he understands. It all depends how you both grow forward together and whether you both learn from this going forward through life and new experiences in the coming months and years.

  3. #53
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    OP,

    What do you want to do? What do you think about the response?

  4. #54
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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    OP,

    What do you want to do? What do you think about the response?
    Since he’s canceling the hang out with that girl I guess it one less thing to worry about.
    But also I hope he doesn’t ignore me and still arrange the hang out and secretly meet her

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  6. #55
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    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    I'd text "Thanks." That's it. Don't superimpose any of your fears or anxieties, don't bombard him with smiley faces or other texts. Cross one bridge at a time and keep your wits about you. Enjoy your time together but know that he's capable of putting you in situations like this. You can still enjoy each others' company with that knowledge and history. Also please don't bring up this situation again no matter how upset you may be and allow him to grow from it too especially if you sense he understands. It all depends how you both grow forward together and whether you both learn from this going forward through life and new experiences in the coming months and years.
    Thank you so much for your support! There is so much men need to learn and be aware of and show respect and integrity in a relationship

  7. #56
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Do you get the impression he would do that?
    Originally Posted by ButterToast
    I hope he doesn’t ignore me and still arrange the hang out and secretly meet her

  8. #57
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    Originally Posted by ButterToast
    Thank you so much for your support! There is so much men need to learn and be aware of and show respect and integrity in a relationship
    Oh I don't agree in the least. I think certain individuals might need to improve on how they behave in all sorts of relationships when it comes to respect and integrity. I really cannot stand when men are put down in this way. I am married to a man of character and integrity (his father was like that as well) and we are raising a son who is 10 and regularly complimented on how thoughtful and kind he is. I don't take "all" the credit for that at all -I believe so much of that was just how he was born, his temperament -but he sees us role modeling it in daily life. If you really do feel that way about men please don't date other than casually. People deserve to be treated with respect and if they start out with you with you assuming what you wrote it's really unfair - obviously you open up to someone at a reasonable pace over time, including trusting that person with your confidences, secrets, feelings - but to start out assuming "men" need to learn so much - nonstarter.

  9. #58
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    Originally Posted by ButterToast
    Since he’s canceling the hang out with that girl I guess it one less thing to worry about.
    But also I hope he doesn’t ignore me and still arrange the hang out and secretly meet her
    If you feel that way you do not trust him enough to date him IMHO.

  10. #59
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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    Oh I don't agree in the least. I think certain individuals might need to improve on how they behave in all sorts of relationships when it comes to respect and integrity. I really cannot stand when men are put down in this way. I am married to a man of character and integrity (his father was like that as well) and we are raising a son who is 10 and regularly complimented on how thoughtful and kind he is. I don't take "all" the credit for that at all -I believe so much of that was just how he was born, his temperament -but he sees us role modeling it in daily life. If you really do feel that way about men please don't date other than casually. People deserve to be treated with respect and if they start out with you with you assuming what you wrote it's really unfair - obviously you open up to someone at a reasonable pace over time, including trusting that person with your confidences, secrets, feelings - but to start out assuming "men" need to learn so much - nonstarter.
    I don't agree, either. This is him.

  11. #60
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by ButterToast
    Thank you so much for your support! There is so much men need to learn and be aware of and show respect and integrity in a relationship
    All men?

    Where did you get these ideas about men?

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