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Thread: Did she think I wasn't interested? What happened?

  1. #11
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    Thanks a lot for the reply, saluk. I think you are very right, and I appreciate what you said. All of those things you stated make perfect sense. I was honestly wondering what was up with those feelings I had and wasn't aware of. Neither of those possibilities you mentioned sound too appealing, do they? lol This is why I think it's best not to get involved in any way with a girl who is already taken. I was even thinking, if I did make a move and we did have sex and date, who's to say she wouldn't go back to him after a couple months? That would be devastating, and even more wasted time. It's best that nothing happened, and even if I did get her number and ask her out, if she said "I have a boyfriend", I would have said "I can respect that. Let me know if you change your mind or if things don't work out and we're both available down the line", and not put myself as the 3rd wheel or try to break them up. That's never my intent. The person who sent that message to her also mentioned in there that I appreciated all her help and I wish her all the best, so there would be no hard feelings either way. And I did wave and say bye after the last encounter, which went just fine. Nothing malicious.

    I think it's weird how your emotions can just take you away and you don't even realize it. You can be vulnerable, get caught up in a connection, all matter of scenarios, then the next thing you know you're in deep... even if it's a horrible situation. I see to an extent why people do this. There's also that uncertainty and excitement and anticipation, but it eventually comes crashing down.

    I also agree that it would have been a horrible situation. This is why I hate these situations. Everything is great, but it feels so wrong. Deep down you just know it's going to end badly. I got caught up in a girl for a year and a half like this, and it felt like we were already a married couple. That one was really bad on both ends. She was furious beyond words and I was completely heart-broken and emotionally numb. I think I learned from that one, and that's why I didn't pursue. I had to hold back and not get that involved again.

    All things said, it was only a month or two, and we didn't connect that deep or for very long. I kept a distance and held back, and she at times as well. So the feelings are already dissipating. And people like you who understand and spread knowledge are a great help in the process.
    Last edited by Skydrum; 10-18-2019 at 07:23 PM.

  2. #12
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    Did she think I wasn't interested? What happened?

    It definitely seems that she took a liking to you, to what extent Iím not sure. Based on your words, she displayed all the obvious indicators of interest. However, as one poster said, it could have either been that she was simply enjoying the attention or she was really into you despite having a boyfriend. Whatever the case, a TRULY interested person would never disappear off the face of the earth, and would certainly attempt to contact you at one point or another. Actions speak louder than words. Inaction is a response in itself. Additionally, I think the fact that she was unavailable appealed to you subconsciously. Donít waste any more headspace on something that wasnít really significant to begin with. Itís not like you went on dates or spent quality time together. Invest your energy on emotionally available people, and try to work on some of your self esteem issues that may have contributed to your unhealthy obsession with this girl. Good luck!

  3. #13
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    Completely agree with everything you said, Chloee1988. There's a whole number of possibilities, and she could have been thinking the same things ("What does he want?"), but it honestly doesn't matter. It's best that nothing happened, and I could see no way that it could've worked. Even if it was for just hooking up, there are better looking women who are also single without all these complications. Despite dipping in the water, we both held back and didn't allow anything to happen; all for the better.

    I think it's easy to get sucked into a fantasy, but when you step back and observe, you realize it's not something that could be a reality. Just as with those previous attached women... once we got closer after they showed interest, and their connection became more focused on us, the reality of "oh crap, they have a boyfriend and have been doing this..." comes to light, along with all those unpleasant emotions.

  4. #14
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    Hey are you writing a long as essay over someone that's a stranger?


    You seem way too into her. Time to back off aye.

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  6. #15
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    Originally Posted by Honeycomb8
    Hey are you writing a long as essay over someone that's a stranger?


    You seem way too into her. Time to back off aye.
    Nah, that's just my long-winded, over-analytical nature. Was never that into her, like I mentioned. I was always curious about these kind of situations more than anything.

  7. #16
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    Lol keep telling yourself that.

    Indifference is not writing a big as essay everytime you post. Unless your ego is that fragile and you are in need of anyyy sort of attention cos you never get any.

    She's not interested. She just wants to pimp her ego, that's all.

  8. #17
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    Originally Posted by Honeycomb8
    Lol keep telling yourself that.

    Indifference is not writing a big as essay everytime you post. Unless your ego is that fragile and you are in need of anyyy sort of attention cos you never get any.

    She's not interested. She just wants to pimp her ego, that's all.
    I don't have to tell myself anything. Apparently that is what you are for, being that you are the almighty know it all. I mean damn, you told me exactly what I am and how I am feeling (and how I am wrong), and what her intentions were. You must be God. And you weren't even there to witness any of it! Nice.

    I have no ego about this, so I don't know what you're going on about there. I have been in this kind of situation before, and was curious on how it should be handled. What happened doesn't bother me. If she wanted to pimp her ego, she would have kept me around. I get plenty of attention, so you're wrong there too.

    You have no idea what you're talking about. But I appreciate you thinking you know more about me and the situation and how I feel than I do.

  9. #18
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    I agree that she was really just looking for an ego boost and some attention, but she's not interested otherwise.

  10. #19
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    Originally Posted by Skydrum
    This is why I hate these situations. Everything is great, but it feels so wrong. Deep down you just know it's going to end badly. I got caught up in a girl for a year and a half like this, and it felt like we were already a married couple. That one was really bad on both ends. She was furious beyond words and I was completely heart-broken and emotionally numb. I think I learned from that one, and that's why I didn't pursue. I had to hold back and not get that involved again.
    It sounds like you are still deeply affected by what happened to you in the past. I can relate. Maybe you had a period where you avoided getting into a situation where you might be vulnerable. And then now with this girl, you were almost ready to be vulnerable - but still held back. But: surprise surprise. Even though you were trying to hold back and on the surface didn't really care about this girl, the way things ended still hurts and brings back those bad memories.

    Not getting too entangled with someone who is not compatible was probably the right call here, but you also can't expect to avoid pain just by acting aloof and trying to keep emotions out of it. What I've learned for me is to find a balance of allowing myself to be vulnerable, try things, make mistakes, while building a confidence that it won't kill me if things don't go how I hope they will. Easier said than done of course.

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