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Thread: Should I go to the wedding? My ex will be there.

  1. #11
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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    I personally would not bother the bride and groom as to whether the new partner is coming - for one thing they might not know for sure -it might be a plus one or the person might not come at the last minute -it's unfairly burdening them given all the planning they're doing.
    I personally would not attend if there is a chance she will be with the new guy - it's too soon for you, too much and you don't have other friends there. Send a lovely gift and offer to take the bride and groom out for brunch or dinner when they are back from their honeymoon and settled.
    Yes, this ^^^^^

  2. #12
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    I'd go and mingle with others. I wouldn't mind being introduced to the new boyfriend etc. That's just me though. At some point you'll have to accept that the relationship is truly over. This person doesn't belong to you and we cannot own people.

    No one can tell you what to do. Do what you're comfortable with only. Since you've said you don't know anyone else there it really depends on your level of comfort with strangers and meeting new people also. Life's too short to be in uncomfortable situations so don't do it if you're not comfy with it.

  3. #13
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    I always plan for the worst and imagine what I would do if it happens.

    Now, I don't do things like expect the airplane to crash or to get food poisoning from the restaurant I plan to eat at. But I do dress practically while traveling and I check the letter grade of the restaurant.

    I would presume the ex and her date will be there. Since the only people you know are the bride, the groom and your ex, are you OK with either sitting at a table with your ex and her date or sitting with strangers? Would sitting with your ex and her date feel painful? Awkward? How about sitting with people you don't know? Are you the type who makes new friends easily so being at a table with people you don't know won't be uncomfortable?

    If either of those scenarios is unpalatable to you, then I agree with attending the ceremony and skipping the reception.

  4. #14
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    Originally Posted by goddess
    Yes, this ^^^^^
    Sorry, wrong place.
    Last edited by goddess; 10-18-2019 at 09:07 PM.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    If you’re still in the mind frame than an ex bringing a date is ‘stooping low’ I think it’s safe to say you aren’t ready.

    Also your NC time of a whopping 6 days isn’t exactly time enough to reach indifference.

    Based on these things, I say, save yourself the turmoil and skip it or at the very least skip the reception.

  7. #16
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    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    I'd go and mingle with others. I wouldn't mind being introduced to the new boyfriend etc. That's just me though. At some point you'll have to accept that the relationship is truly over. This person doesn't belong to you and we cannot own people.

    No one can tell you what to do. Do what you're comfortable with only. Since you've said you don't know anyone else there it really depends on your level of comfort with strangers and meeting new people also. Life's too short to be in uncomfortable situations so don't do it if you're not comfy with it.
    "At some point you'll have to accept that the relationship is truly over." Yes, Rose, I'm sure he accepts that it's over but there are still residual feelings which will slowly dissipate once healing has taken place. Before then, I feel that it's simply too upsetting and awkward to see an ex with a new bf or gf.

    I know my relationship is over (no doubt there). But, it still hurts knowing that he's with someone else after he kicked me to the curb. Weird, but true. I'm pretty sure i couldn't handle actually seeing my ex with someone; not yet. Actually, I got upset just (inadvertently) hearing my son talking about his father's gf. If I saw him with his new gf, I would probably break down; something that I would not like at all.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by goddess
    "At some point you'll have to accept that the relationship is truly over." Yes, Rose, I'm sure he accepts that it's over but there are still residual feelings which will slowly dissipate once healing has taken place. Before then, I feel that it's simply too upsetting and awkward to see an ex with a new bf or gf.

    I know my relationship is over (no doubt there). But, it still hurts knowing that he's with someone else after he kicked me to the curb. Weird, but true. I'm pretty sure i couldn't handle actually seeing my ex with someone; not yet. Actually, I got upset just (inadvertently) hearing my son talking about his father's gf. If I saw him with his new gf, I would probably break down; something that I would not like at all.
    Yes, I think you've made your opinion rather clear in your previous posts and sorry to hear about the issue with your ex. If you're not ready, there's no point in hurting yourself over it. I agree with you. There's no reason why others can't share their thoughts or different approaches on the thread regarding the OP's situation. I'm probably a bit different as I don't have any issues with my past relationships and have been glad to end all the relationships that have occured in my past. I've also made peace with ending my marriage if it came down to it (you get to a point in life where you make peace with all that's unpredictable). Life is difficult enough as it is and I have my challenges in other areas but definitely not with exes. It's good to let go and let new experiences and new people in. That's just my humble opinion on it, not meant to grate on anyone's nerves or upset anyone.
    Last edited by Rose Mosse; 10-18-2019 at 10:57 PM.

  9. #18
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    I truly appreciate all the honest responses.

    I do indeed fell that I am healed significantly, but then again, I haven't physically seen her in nearly 2.5 weeks. After some thought about it, I am going to say to hell with it and not go. I feel like she's expecting me to be there. I have not seen the bride or groom since we broke up and they tend to only reach out to me when they have car issues.
    On top of that, I do personally believe that even though I feel fine now, seeing my ex there (especially as one of the bridesmaid's) will put me back to square one, like what some of you menitioned. The ceremony is supposed to be at 10am tomorrow, but I will not be going. I even went out and spent 140$ on some casual clothing two weeks ago just to go and try to "impress" my ex. But now I don't want to go.

    Taking a step back, I really do not see the benefits in attending. I did want to go at first and see if I could potentially score a couple numbers from some of the other bridesmaid's, but looking at my thought process now, that just seems petty and immature. The bride was closer to my ex than me, but we were still close per-say. My ex was the one that decided she no longer wanted me in her life, and I am not willing to give up my progress for something I see zero gain in, other than showing off my clothes and trying to "play it cool".

    Thank you all for the responses. I will not be going

  10. #19
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Good call. It also sounds from your post above that going would have been a very bad idea. I agree with you going to play it cool or score phone numbers isn't helpful to you in your healing. It doesn't sound like you are ok at all. Life is far, far too short to waste it on people who only want to speak to you when they have car trouble also.

    You're off the hook! Make new plans and enjoy the day without these no-gooders.

  11. #20
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    “ I couldn’t heal because I kept pretending I wasn’t hurt”

    I saw that quote earlier this week somewhere on social media and it really spoke to me.

    Going to the wedding to hit on women and show off would have done the opposite of heal you, you would have done it to soothe your ego, not to be there for the bride and groom, not to be the bigger person, it would have solely been ego based so bravo to you for taking the high road.

    You’re 4 months out of a 4 year relationship and mere days into NC, take it easy on yourself, you’re right you’re doing great, keep going!

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