I’m a good dad but sometimes I’m also a jerk.

[abitbroken]

[I]She is extremely averse to confrontation .

If she is, when you get frustrated, then its time to take a deep breath and tell her that you will both take a break and talk about in 5 minutes, 10 minutes or however long. Maybe you say "let's take a walk to look at the changing leaves/say hi to Mrs Smith's dog. We are both frustrated. maybe we'll get some fresh air and come back when we went around the block" so you are still engaging with your daughter, but cooling off, too.

I don't care what voice she is making, she was at the end of her rope or sensed your anger

[abitbroken]

btw, did it ever occur to you that your daughter fears you?

[ThatwasThen]

Give the Op A chance to respond now, perhaps? (if he comes back) I think he understands his fault in all of this and has shown remorse).

[Jibralta]

Anyways, here's the text I sent my son last night after a couple hours had passed:

"You brought up some really good points tonight. Even though it was a difficult exchange between us I'm proud of you for speaking your mind. I owe you an apology so whenever I see you in person I will give that to you. Hope you have a good rest tonight, I love you."

He's a good dude and he's definitely got his sister's back.

I think that will mean a lot to your son.

Everybody makes mistakes. I think the most important thing is that you are accountable, insightful, and willing to make adjustments where they are necessary.

[Skeptic76]

Where is their mother? if you were the person treating mom like a verbal punching bag, how do you have the kids, or by "single dad" you mean a dad with shared custody?

Hello everyone, I just came back to provide an update that the Skeptic household is completely back into their groove. I wanted to thank everyone for listening and providing feedback that genuinely helped us all make the most of each moment...even the challenging ones!

I quoted the above post because I'm not sure where you got the idea that I treated their mother like a verbal punching bag? I think you can probably search my original posts from when we divorced and I found this forum in the first place...but I never did or said anything like that. I also didn't see in the thread where you might have gotten that idea? Honestly, you guys...you're probably going to be mad and take it as further evidence of what a failure of a father I am, but a lot of the "doom and gloom" about how my kids were going to grow up debilitated and emotionally chained to abusive people made me shake my head and chuckle as I read it. If you could come stay with us here in in sunny SoCal for a week you would laugh too, though. We're a great family who loves each other and we enjoy a healthy dynamic. I understand, if you're basing your complete opinion of us on what you know (the entirety of which is limited to my original post detailing an ugly mistake) then it's not surprising if you feel the kids are in a hopeless situation with me. However I posit that perhaps your perspective is somewhat limited.

I am for the past five years a full-time single parent. Full custody. That said, mom has recently been having them over every other weekend and that has been a wonderful development for both kids. @abitbroken, thank you for your feedback about mocking her voice when she is under pressure. As previously stated I recognize that was a very mean and thoughtless thing for me to do in a moment of exasperation and I had to sit down and take ownership for my immature behavior with her. Furthermore, I had to go deeper and begin exploring why I felt exasperated in the first place. I have a pretty good idea after several days of introspection, but will have an opportunity tomorrow night to examine it with the aid of an outside opinion who actually knows my kids and me - my therapist.

At this point, I will not be returning to this thread. I feel like it has become more of an opportunity for speculative judgement on the part of the contributors rather than constructive criticism for the facts about the situation I bared. I do believe in my heart of hearts that it's coming from a place of concern and wanting to help, that much is true. However, I took it a little bit personally when the direction swerved toward a witchhunt about how abusive I am towards their mother?! Leaving their mom was the single hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life. My heart was broken. You weren't there and you couldn't possibly know what we all went through, so on the one hand I can't be mad at you...and on the other hand I'm left wondering if you would say that exact sentence to somebody in person based on what you were able to read up to that point? There is no basis for you to say that and if I were the one who said that to somebody else I think I would have to take a look at why I did and determine where it came from.

Best wishes to each and every contributor; thanks again for chiming in.

[abitbroken]

I quoted the above post because I'm not sure where you got the idea that I treated their mother like a verbal punching bag? I think you can probably search my original posts from when we divorced and I found this forum in the first place.

you mentioned taking things out on your son for a time during your divorce, and now you swithched to your daughter. Maybe i was wrong to speculate that mom was the one who took the brunt and now its transferring to the kids in her absence. Its pretty rare for a dad to get sole custody with mom out of the picture or just a weekend here and there, that's why i commented that i was surprised that you had them 100%

[figureitout23]

Wow, this thread took a turn from the last time I visited it.

Guys maybe put on the breaks a little.

It would be one thing if he was proud of what he did, he acknowledges what he did was wrong and wants to change, you badger people who refuse to see what they’re doing not those seeking to change, yes even when their mistakes are this big. Why? Because he can’t undo what he did, all he can do is make better choices going forward...