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Thread: Wedding dilema

  1. #21
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    Hi,I had no doubts about the wedding prior to this .My fear was about me being dishonest.The dilema was whether i should tell my wife to be about these thoughts? I have had issues with panic and anxiety all my life and have had counselling previously.

  2. #22
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Ok. Get to a doctor, talk out these fixed beliefs, get a full checkup and neurological exam and a referral to a therapist. You need to be in reasonable health physically and psychologically to decide what to do and if to marry this woman or at this time.
    Originally Posted by Duffymoon62
    The dilema was whether i should tell my wife to be about these thoughts? I have had issues with panic and anxiety all my life and have had counselling previously.

  3. #23
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    If you really think the child could be yours, absolutely do not wait until after you're married to just see where the chips may fall. There are a whole lot of jurisdictions who won't give two ****s about whether you knew at the time the child was yours. You can be held liable for back pay of child support. Wanna talk about strain on a marriage? "Surprise, you have a teenage child and $20k+ due" pretty much tops it.

    Like it or not, fair or not, the onus is on you to establish someone you had sex with didn't produce your child. That's the responsibility you accept. Most states have a limit on how many years back someone can claim for, but you almost universally can be held responsible for at least two. For the record and assuming the kid could be or is yours, I don't assume it'd be out of spite, but a whole lot can happen in 13 years where, surprise, she now needs the money.

    Again, assuming you're engaged to a woman with any ounce of integrity and you're reasonably sure, I'd share it with her. And you could sell it pretty easily. You want to make sure now so that it doesn't compromise her when you're actually married. Look into a lawyer on how best to go about it, but get paternity either confirmed or dismissed sooner than later.

  4. #24
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    Interesting,never thought of that.I live in the UK I dont think I can force a paternity case unless the mother says I'm the father.As far as I'm aware the alleged father is paying her maintainence and the child has his surname but as you say alot can happen in 20 years.Really dont know where to turn with this?

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  6. #25
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    Originally Posted by Duffymoon62
    Hi,I had no doubts about the wedding prior to this .My fear was about me being dishonest.The dilema was whether i should tell my wife to be about these thoughts? I have had issues with panic and anxiety all my life and have had counselling previously.
    You were NOT dishonest. The woman said the child was not yours. You had sex with her once. If she had sex with 3 other men around the same time -- OR the child could have been conceived months or even a year after you slept with her unless you are a expert at guessing a child's actual age down to the week. If you had a child that you were visiting every week and you hid it from your fiance, then that would be lying.

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