Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 2 of 2 FirstFirst 12
Results 11 to 18 of 18

Thread: Emotionally Abusive

  1. #11
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2014
    Posts
    10,341
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Did you realize in this brief post that you mention viagra over 11 times? You seem obsessed with this. However what you need to do is move out because it's just not working out for you. Also get to a doctor for a check up and referral to a therapist. ED drugs do not treat anxiety.
    Yah, your problem has zero to do with viagra. The problem is you two are painfully insecure and mistrusting. The two of combined is a little much like gasoline and fire.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2017
    Posts
    1,669
    Quite the web of dishonesty and insecurity you two have created... I think itís beyond the point of being salvaged OP.

  3. #13
    Thanks for all the feedback on this post, it is really appreciated.
    It is hard at times to gain a objective perspective of relationship issues from in the middle of them. Both parties can only ever have their version of the truth.

    I think the difficulty within this is , a recognition , at least on my part , that the issues are not bourne out of malice or ill feelings or disrespect towards each other. They are fear and vulnerability. On both sides.
    When two people love each other and can recognise that , I'm sure there are steps we can take to remedy, manage those issues. Because of course , if you love someone, you have their emotional & spiritual wellbeing at heart. So it is incredibly difficult or even wrong to turn your back on someone you love, just because they are hurting.

    I'm currently trying to convince my (now ex partner) who I still love dearly, to try to see if we can go for couples counselling, which she did suggest during the relationship & I rejected foolishly.

    Thanks again.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    35,449
    Gender
    Male
    Unfortunately this is a case of a little too little a little too late. She's gone. Let things cool off. If she wants to reconcile, let her be the one who contacts you. Begging is very unattractive.
    Originally Posted by steveayit
    I'm currently trying to convince my (now ex partner) who I still love dearly, to try to see if we can go for couples counselling, which she did suggest during the relationship & I rejected foolishly.

  5.  

  6. #15
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Location
    Central Canada
    Posts
    13,861
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by steveayit
    Thanks for all the feedback on this post, it is really appreciated.
    It is hard at times to gain a objective perspective of relationship issues from in the middle of them. Both parties can only ever have their version of the truth.

    I think the difficulty within this is , a recognition , at least on my part , that the issues are not bourne out of malice or ill feelings or disrespect towards each other. They are fear and vulnerability. On both sides.
    When two people love each other and can recognise that , I'm sure there are steps we can take to remedy, manage those issues. Because of course , if you love someone, you have their emotional & spiritual wellbeing at heart. So it is incredibly difficult or even wrong to turn your back on someone you love, just because they are hurting.

    I'm currently trying to convince my (now ex partner) who I still love dearly, to try to see if we can go for couples counselling, which she did suggest during the relationship & I rejected foolishly.

    Thanks again.
    Why don't you get your own personal therapy while you wait to see if she is willing to go to couples counselling? You both could use some professional guidance in order to be the best you that you can be. It wasn't a matter of love in your case but rather codependent addiction to her. Consider the way the two of you were with one another before you even moved in together shows that you are confused as to what is and what isn't in your own best interests.

    I wish you well.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2017
    Posts
    4,588
    Originally Posted by ThatwasThen
    Why don't you get your own personal therapy while you wait to see if she is willing to go to couples counselling? You both could use some professional guidance in order to be the best you that you can be. It wasn't a matter of love in your case but rather codependent addiction to her. Consider the way the two of you were with one another before you even moved in together shows that you are confused as to what is and what isn't in your own best interests.

    I wish you well.
    Bingo.

    I am legit not seeing how sheís getting all the blame, when you were deceitful knowing full well she had insecurities the size of the Grand Canyon, talk about putting lighter fluid on the fire...

    Neither one of you should be dating right now.

    Couples therapy may work but you both need individual therapy to start.

    If your own anxiety is so big you are having performance issues thereís something wrong, explore that, donít blindly medicate.

  8. #17
    Originally Posted by ThatwasThen
    Why don't you get your own personal therapy while you wait to see if she is willing to go to couples counselling? You both could use some professional guidance in order to be the best you that you can be. It wasn't a matter of love in your case but rather codependent addiction to her. Consider the way the two of you were with one another before you even moved in together shows that you are confused as to what is and what isn't in your own best interests.

    I wish you well.
    Thanks, yeah I am taking steps now to get my own counselling . I think she is too.
    I don't quite see the co-dependance , if anything , it seems to me that it is a case of two people who fell in love , but both have insecurites that play off against each other. It seems more that it is fighting that baggage/insecurity because you love someone.

    I feel fully aware of the issues, I just can't let her go, part of this because she is convinced that I am womanising & cheating on her with body & mind, if only she knew the truth of how I felt about her, then things would be fixed. I am 39 years old & have been a pretty stable person throughout my life, but I have never loved someone as much as I love my (ex)partner.

    It is issues of mistrust that only sit between us.

    I really appreciate your feedback, again, non-partisan voices from outside of the relationship are hard to come by.

    Thanks

  9. #18
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Location
    Central Canada
    Posts
    13,861
    Gender
    Female
    It seems more that it is fighting that baggage/insecurity because you love someone. It seems more that it is fighting that baggage/insecurity because you love someone.
    People who are not codependent in nature may "fight" that unhealthy aspect of their relationship (and individual issues) but they don't stick around if nothing changes and they would never move in with someone when there is that much unhealthy relating going on before the cohabitation.

    In any event, it's good that you are taking steps to get yourself into therapy where you will have an opportunity to discuss these sorts of things with a professional.

    Good luck... I hope your therapy shows you that you are better off without someone like her in your life and gives you the tools to be able to love someone who isn't with such a plethora of issues.

Page 2 of 2 FirstFirst 12

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •