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Thread: Is it normal for men not to be affectionate?

  1. #11

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    Ok, cool. Thanks. So how long have you been with him and was he like this always?

  2. #12
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    My in-laws have been married 60 years . I have been with my husband 30 years . I have never seen my in-laws hug even once. Some people are just not openly demonstrative.

  3. #13

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    4 years. He was a little more affectionate at the beginning. Then it would be here and there but nothing over the top.

  4. #14

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    Thank you for your input. I never thought of it were reversed. Thatís a good way to look at it. That would be hard for me to change.

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  6. #15
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Nmr1983
    Thank you for your input. I never thought of it were reversed. Thatís a good way to look at it. That would be hard for me to change.
    Changing people is a lost cause. It is better to be with someone who meets our integral needs than to try and fit someone into them.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    So, you're 30. You've dated around, and one thing you've learned you like from dating are affectionate men. Now you're engaged to a man who isn't affectionate. That is a curious application of past lessons learned in order to do what you can to ensure a harmonious future, no?

    I sort of see dating as the time when we observe another personówith part of that being observing the qualities we know will get on our nerves. Then, knowing our nerves and needs, we decide if we can handle those qualities. That's the relationship stage. If it turns out those nerve-rattling qualities don't rattle us much, we proceed onto marriage, if marriage is your thing.

    This isn't clothes on the floor. It's both a core part of him, and a core part of the chemistry experiment that is him plus you, one that has had four years in the laboratory. The results are largely in. Those results get validated with "I do," not altered. Just keep that in mind.

  8. #17

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    Originally Posted by ~Seraphim ~
    My in-laws have been married 60 years . I have been with my husband 30 years . I have never seen my in-laws hug even once. Some people are just not openly demonstrative.
    Sorry but you are referring to people who are twice the OP's age. It's a different generation and doesn't make it right. Just because you are used to being around people who are not affectionate doesn't make it the norm for the OP - or acceptable.

    From the OP's post it's clear she is unhappy in her current situ with her fella who is clearly uptight in his ability to express himself sexually/lovingly and in a tactile way to those most important to him - aka his future wife, his mother, family etc.

    She deserves a guy who is going to make her feel sexy, wanted, desirable, etc from an action POV. Telling someone you 'Love them everyday' is not enough for a girl or man in their early 30's. Actions speak louder than words.

    Telling her that you know people who are in their 80's or 90's and they 'made it', is not really helping this girl out, unless we all want to live like the characters from Little House on the Prairie or The Waltons...

  9. #18
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Originally Posted by MurphyB
    Sorry but you are referring to people who are twice the OP's age. It's a different generation and doesn't make it right. Just because you are used to being around people who are not affectionate doesn't make it the norm for the OP - or acceptable.

    From the OP's post it's clear she is unhappy in her current situ with her fella who so uptight in his ability to express himself sexually/lovingly and in a tactile way to those most important to him - aka his future wife, his mother, family etc.

    She deserves a guy who is going to make her feel sexy, wanted, desirable, etc from an action POV. Telling someone you 'Love them everyday' is not enough for a girl or man in their early 30's. Actions speak louder than words.

    Telling her that you know people who are in their 80's or 90's and they 'made it', is not really helping this girl out, unless we all want to live like the characters from Little House on the Prairie or The Waltons...
    Everyone has a right to speak . ;)

  10. #19

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    Absolutely! But, no offence, try and see things from the OP's generation possibly?

  11. #20
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Originally Posted by MurphyB
    Absolutely! But, no offence, try and see things from the OP's generation possibly?
    Maybe if you read my other comment in the thread youíd realize I do. Iím not so old I come from the dark ages you know. Gee whiz I actually remember being 30. I have a son who is only eight years younger than her. Iím not so old I come from the Flintstones.

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