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Thread: Can exes really be friends?

  1. #11
    Dont get me wrong, i know they have their arguments from time to time, usually to do with the break up or the kids but they just get along abit too well for my liking. I wanted to check that it wasnt just me so that i feel abit more justified in calling him out on it

  2. #12
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    You shouldn't be calling anyone out on anything unless he is harassing you in some way or invading your privacy or your life in some unpredictable or unwanted manner. Just let him know that this is not the right time for either of you to be in any form of relationship and explain that you're doing it out of respect for him and his family as well.

  3. #13

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    "Hes still in daily contact with her" = Perfectly normal when they have children together.

    "He says they are just friends and that its for the kids but i just dont know" = They should be friends as they have kids together. They share mutual responsibility for said children.

    "Ive just found out that she and the kids will be spending the night at his at the weekend. Again he says this is for convenience and for the kids." = Again, they have only broken up 2 months. Kids need time to adjust to their parent's split and should be put first. If meaning their ex's have to share a house for a while at the foregoing of new/fleeting relationships.

    "The part i can shake though is ive also just found out that they only broke up 2 months ago, so right before we started seeing eachother": How did you meet this guy? Perchance is he 25?

    "She knows hes seeing someone as he told her a few days ago because she was trying to convince him to give things another go" = And why wound't she, he fathered his kids and she squeezed them out of her. Any woman if within her rights as the mother of someone kids to try and make it work, if even for the young kid's sake.

    "Is it just me or is it a bit odd that they can be such good friends so soon? Am i right to be concerned? I dont want to bring it up to him to have him just dismiss it saying its for the kids" = You are only seeing this guy 2 months: frankly I really don't think his kids or his past relationship is that much of your business to be getting so involved in it right now.

    You seem insanely invested in someone you know for such little time and seem to know a lot about his kids/ex/situ... Sorry, seems off to me.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    What the others are saying.

    You can turn this into a philosophical debate about friendships with exes, or you can call it a new relationship that is not providing you with the comfort you need to exhale into it. The former can make for some very interesting thoughts and feelings to be whipped around by—and possibly ground down by—but the latter may get you what you're actually seeking here: comfort, security, romantic sustainability.

    In your shoes, I'd acknowledge that this is bad timing—for you. In the earliest days of a relationship you are already seeing if you can "work through" something you don't really want to work through. You either talk about it at length, or choke it down, hoping it'll dissipate—a kind of lose-lose, no? Save that energy for year 5, when kids and job stuff have rocked the boat, rather than seeing if you can stand still on a rocking boat.

    That said, to the general question: Yes, I think exes can be friends, and I think exes who share children owe it to their kids to be as friendly as possible. But this all awfully fresh, still shaking out, and the particulars of all that don't matter as much as the fact that you're shaken up by it.

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  6. #15
    I probably worded that wrong. What i meant was before i tell him that it makes me feel uncomfortable

  7. #16
    Its only because its all so fresh that it bothers me. I understand they should try to remain friendly for the kids ans i agree they should. I just would have thought it would have taken abit longer. Whereas as far as i can see he ended things, she asked him to try and fix things, they stayed in limited contact about the kids, she asked him to try again, again, they argued and now theyre friends. It all seems very rushed. And now shes going to be staying at his for the night too. He assures me its all platonic, that its me he loves and wants to be with now and its just for ease with the kids but i cant help but feel like she might try something

  8. #17

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    Originally Posted by Sugargliders
    Its only because its all so fresh that it bothers me. I understand they should try to remain friendly for the kids ans i agree they should. I just would have thought it would have taken abit longer. Whereas as far as i can see he ended things, she asked him to try and fix things, they stayed in limited contact about the kids, she asked him to try again, again, they argued and now theyre friends. It all seems very rushed. And now shes going to be staying at his for the night too. He assures me its all platonic and its just for ease with the kids but i cant help feel like she might try something
    Do you have any other questions that posters here aren't 'quite' answering?

  9. #18
    Nope. Just my main question about if i was right to be concerned about their friendship

  10. #19

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    Originally Posted by Sugargliders
    Nope. Just my main question about if i was right to be concerned about their friendship
    Do you know who Glenn Close is?

  11. #20
    Super Moderator HeartGoesOn's Avatar
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    Multiple accounts are not allowed...Closed.

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